Violet (or something)

I dare not breathe as she drags her tongue, rough and wet, across bare skin, down my neck and across my shoulder. The lick is saturated with her magic, and it leaves a trail of tingling skin as her power seeps into my flesh.

"Do you still not yet understand why I might want you?" she asks me.

"N-no," I reply, my voice small and unsteady, barely more than a squeak.

She nips my ear, razor-sharp teeth pressing dangerously close.

My hand slips, and the strings of my harp let out a discordant screech that brings a frown to her face. I don't know that I want to find out what happens if she stops finding my music to her liking.

"Pardon?" I ask as I do my best to recover.

"I have known many musicians who would sing to music such as yours, yet you are silent. Why?"

She cocks her head to the side to better fix one of her gleaming eyes on me.

I want to reply that many musicians do not sing, but that is not the answer to the question she is asking. I have no doubt that she possesses some magic that can see into the very heart of me.

I decide to be honest. I do not want to find out what happens if she catches me in a lie.

"I do not care for my voice," I admit.

"Why?"

I feel my skin crawling with the weight of her attention, the power of her magic.

"My voice is too deep," I say, barely louder than a whisper. "Too rough."

"Do you find my voice too deep?" she rumbles, amused.

I shake my head, powerless under her scrutiny.

She grunts a self-satisfied sound, and reaches out a claw to carress my face.

She cocks her head in that appraising way of hers and grins, flashing her razor sharp teeth. 

I face the mirror to examine the jeweled collar that now rings my neck. The fine silver filigree and chains shine bright against glittering sapphires and opals. It is the finest thing I have ever worn, worth more than I have ever owned.

A rustle of fabric behind me makes me turn and my body betrays me by letting out a soft gasp. 

She has produced a gown of shimmering silk that gleams with an opalescent sheen. It is just as fine and beautiful as anything else I have seen in her hoard.

My heart begins hammering in my chest as she settles back onto her haunches to watch me with that hungry expression of hers.

Almost unbidden, my hand reaches out to touch the smooth fabric of it. A familiar gnawing need starts up in the core of me. The heat of her magic flares in response and I jerk my hand away. Letting her place her jewels on me is one thing, but this…

Her eyes gleam knowingly.

“You want this,” she purrs. It's an observation, a suggestion, and a command all at once.

I stand there, frozen in indecision, torn between the comfort of the familiar and the thrill of the unknown.

“You are allowed to want things,” she says, rising to her feet and pacing around me. The scales of her snout brush my ear and her hot breath caresses me as she whispers, “you are allowed to have the things you want.”

I dare not move as she raises one of her talons to the collar of my shirt. She slices the fabric with barely any effort at all. Terror and arousal seize me. Despite the implicit threat of her claws and her teeth and her magic, I want this. I want to want this. 

Scraps of my old life literally fall to the floor around me and I somehow find myself even more exposed and vulnerable than before.

For reasons I can't comprehend, she rumbles in appreciation at the sight of me.

Then she nudges me towards the gown and I stumble into motion. With shaking hands I pull the gown on. When my hands falter, attentive claws assist. She treats me and the down with the same delicate care that I've seen her handle her other treasures.

Her other… treasures.

I have become part of her hoard, haven't I?

The thought does not distress me as much as I expect it to.

The closeness of her, every one of her breaths on my back, sets the magic she laid in my skin ablaze. I feel it seeping into my bones, wrapping itself around my soul. I don't know what it will do to me, but part of me is growing more and more eager to find out.

Finally, she gently turns me to face the mirror.

But unlike the adult in this strip, Calvin’s dad actually APOLOGIZED for yelling at him when he saw how guilty his kid was:

Boy am i glad that the con has a facebook page so i can post this photo:

Marijuanification

Complete Derangement

Stoned Sex Drive

Derangement Manifests a Literal Sex Demon

Monstrum Incarnate

but i know calls to action without any kind of instruction aren't very helpful so here are some tips that i think you can easily do yourself with your own circles:

1) Staring off simple: Look around. Are there any BIPOC girls in your friend group, or are all of you white? Why? Do you often joke about everyone in your friend group being white? Why is that funny?

What to do: Examine why there are no people of color in your group. Examine why people of color may not be comfortable enough to hang out with you & your friends. Correct these, where possible. Do some reading on anti-racism. Talk to more people.

2) Examine how you talk about people of color & racism. Are you downplaying racism in your community? Are you treating women of color as dramatic or unreasonable for bringing it up? Do you find yourself only defending white dolls, always defending them from claims of racism, but never defending BIPOC dolls? Why?

What to do: Think about why you care more about accusations of racism than protecting the women of color in your community. Make sure you're making your space safe for BIPOC girls. Speak openly and loudly about anti-racism. Hold your sisters accountable- they should be apologizing when they say or do something wrong.

3) This one might sound silly, but as we often meet each other over fandom and roleplay- how are nonwhite characters treated in your circle? Are they always aggressive, angry, or antagonistic? Do you find yourself putting nonwhite characters in more roles like cops, dictators, sex pests, etc?

Additionally: If your circle shares sexual content, is there a lot of art where there's a pale/blonde character on the bottom, and a darker character on top? Are you and your friends always drawing darker characters as more dominant, more sexually aggressive, or promiscuous, while the white/pale characters are more innocent, submissive, modest, or clueless?

What to do: Examine how the way your group approaches fandom & art with nonwhite characters in it may make people of color uncomfortable. Examine why your art may make people of color feel unsafe or awkward hanging out with you. It's not wrong to have the occasional character of color be more antagonistic or dominant, but it's a problem when this is a pattern. If it's happening All The Time, question why!

4) Be honest with yourself: Did this post make you feel defensive? Does it make you feel defensive when people say something you did was racist? Why?

If a person of color tells you your actions were racist, they trust you to improve. I don't tell people they're being racist if i think they're going to hurt me for bringing it up. I know many like me. Don't prove us wrong- take these criticisms into account and work on it. You aren't cursed to be some kind of terrible bigot forever because you messed up- panicking without action is useless. Just be sure you examine the behavior in question and work to prevent this kind of thing from happening again. Okay?

no one needs you to protect the inherent assumed cisness of someone who very obviously didn't fit the mold of what cis men are expected to act like, who died far too young and never got the chance to tell us how they identify as, who ended their own life the way so many trans women closeted and otherwise do due to transmisogyny.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander; do you want people speculating that YOU were not actually the gender you say you are when YOU die?

Respect people's privacy and dignity. Let the dead retain what they chose not to share in life.

2) people speculate on dead people's gender and sexuality all the time. there are people throughout history who, while not using the exact words we use today, would have been the equivalent of gay, lesbian, asexual, transmasc. why is it only offensive when people talk about someone possibly being a trans woman?

3) "no means of fighting back"? being a trans woman isn't an insult or an attack. if anything its a compliment and a mark of pride and honor. what does it say about you that you think someone is lesser for being labeled as a trans woman?

2: some people do. I don't approve of that, this isn’t a double standard; I don't like it when people say that Achilles or Oscar Wilde were attracted to men, I think that is also wrong.

3: that's an opinion the drad person might not share.

2: so why is cishet the default in your eyes?

3: then thats part of a larger societal issue of systemic transmisogyny. maybe instead of conforming to it, start to work on your own internal biases.

Lol was this you

Seriously bruh, if you wanna make a case about nutritional defecits and the declining vitamin and mineral content in agricultural produce, the overall failure of public school physical education to provide any productive and meaningful instruction on personal health and correct methods of exercise, the ever-increasing cost of healthy foods, and the frankly shameful rate of child hunger and food waste all collectively contributing to poorer health in persons of ALL body types, I'm happy to play ball, but if the beginning and end of your platform is "there are more fat people than there used to be and being fat is bad so promoting eating disorders and drug abuse is good actually" then you are straight up wasting everyone's time

"Uhhh but everyone was skinny in 1920 look at this "fat lady" who was in a freak show at the circus lol and look how average she would be now" do you have any idea how many vitamins and other supplements we have had to insert into the food and water supply to combat widespread malnutrition in the last several decades

You realize how many people had teeth rotting out of their heads before we put fluoride in drinking water

Jesus fucking christ, google "B12 defecit"

The population was skinnier because we were constantly on the precipice of dying from shit like low zinc, you absolute dingbat

So, I've talked about this many, many times before but probably not like this. But after a few people have been a little confused on my feelings around my aceness and my own shifts recently from being asexual to demisexual, I wanted to talk in depth about how it feels for me, why ace was perfect for so many years for me and why now I don't think I'm asexual, but more demi leaning now.

For the unaware, I started talking about asexuality and me in 2018/19 after my then girlfriend now wife told me about it and it was like finding the words for something I've felt for a long time but couldn't express.

In my all girls high school, as we turned of legal consenting age (which here is 16) the conversation of course turned to who was doing it and who wasn’t. My friends were constantly talking about boys or girls (this was 2011ish so it was truly a different time where we didn't know any openly non binary people in my tiny town) they were exploring with. How they did and especially who hasn't done it yet. They saw me as an anomaly, I wanted to just get it done and out the way but I didn't have the charm, confidence or the know how on how. Remember back then sex Ed was don't do it, you don't wanna get pregnant so outside of wear a condom, and that's where the "guy" sticks the "thing" we knew very little besides the detailed conversations on who had to get tested at the clinic or who was trying to play fast and loose with their health in our group of friends. It was not great when the blind had to lean the blind. It's around the time I was 17/18 I got a serious boyfriend and finally it was my time to step up and do the thing. However, there was a glaring issue. I couldn't be touched.

Now I'm not talking about the usual first time jitters or the pain of the first time using a brand new shiny untouched part of yourself, which my friends told me only hurts for like a second or two. I'm talking the worst pain imaginable and it continues. On top of that if any part of my body was touched, besides hand holding of course, it was like I was being tickled in the worst way. It gets worse in certain spots, my tummy, chest, thighs, neck, hell even my shoulders and arms on a bad day and depending on whether someone touches it lightly or not, adds to it. I hate light touches, rough can sometimes be fine but pain is a no go. So, the first time I was ever touched by someone else before we even got to any of the multiple bases I'd been told about, it was so uncomfortable I just made them stop.

This actually led me to my first fascination with hypnosis kink. A fantasy where I am so out of it I can be touched and not even feel it. This was for my 18 year old brain hard to grasp and reason with. That's fucked up, I would tell myself over and over and so for a long time I dated long distance or always kept my clothes very much on when spending time with any boyfriend of mine. Cuddling was awful. Every attempt to even get closer to losing it failed. And now even going to doctors appointments where they would poke and prod at me was almost unbearable. So for a long time I felt like I was broken. I didn't know I had adhd. I didn't know about touch sensitivity. I didn't even know I had an underlying pain disorder that means sometimes my body puts pain on a loop. So in 2018 when my wife told me about asexuality I knew that was me. I don't get aroused like my friends would, I don't feel the same feelings as them and I can't have sex like they did. For a long time this worked for me.

However, back in 2011/2012 once I had turned 18 I was fairly active in the online hypnosis kink scene. I did sexual play with people. I was fine on my own and with my own hands and I was even pleasure conditioning myself to respond to certain triggers to massive success. Yes, even playing around with HFO. Clearly, it's not a no so why was the "real thing" such a big deal.

Flash forward to this year. I've started exploring this type of play again, it's back on the table in very specific circumstances. It was on pause for a while because I was dealing with a lot of chronic illness things, but this year as I also made my return to switching with people, listening to files and starting my quest for a potential dom situation, I was determined to with the help of my wife get over my touch sensitivity. See when we met in person in 2018 something magical happened. I could hold her and she could hold me and the usual pins and needles I would feel, the god awful tickles didn't happen. I knew from that first day, holy shit, this is my person. Not only does she get it because she's also demisexual, she never pressured me into a position, or forced my hand, or wouldn't take my no or guidance when she touched a tickly spot as a rejection. She's never tried to pat my head (which is wayyyy off limits to most people) or force something until I was ready. And it's been nearly ten years since we met, and I still trust her the most out of everyone.

We've slowly been building up my tolerances and while some days are better than others it's helping. We've also tried the fucked up fantasy I had deemed a no go, of making my body as numb as possible so she can push her luck more. But even when I drag myself up and tell her no more she has never once minded and that's why this is is helping so much.

Yes, I've been to therapy, I've asked doctors about this, no one can pinpoint why or how this works but I wanted to make this post to say, I'm not sex adverse and never have been. In fact shout out to the sex adverse aces, y'all are valid and amazing but I am not one of you. I'm kinky af when it comes to play. I love making sexy and sexual content, and with my wife and files I engage in things a lot of people would be surprised to hear about. (But thats between us). So I guess this is about how each of us on the asexuality spectrum comes at it from different experiences. My wife and I are both ace but she doesn't have what I do. You who are reading this might relate to me on some level or not. But just know no matter what you are valid. Ace or not.

There's a Norwegian documentary, Norges Farligste, which goes through (nowhere near perfect, not above criticism) attempts at restorative/reformative justice in the country's prison system.