DO YOU KNOW A SONG ABOUT VELOCIRAPTORS?

like what if i go to the kitchen at night to get some water and an underwater cave system is there

*seductively takes off glasses* wow you're fucking blurry

this summer we WALK IN A RANDOM DIRECTION and NEVER STOP

what is your favorite type of cookie. not allowed to throw shade not allowed to be mean to each other just say what kinda cookie you like the most. this isn’t a competition just a conversation between friends there is no right answer 

contrary to popular belief i think calvin's adhd is, funnily enough, medicated. he takes extended release ritalin every morning alongside his chocolate frosted sugar bombs. this is because he appreciates being more easily able to focus on his various Schemes, Projects, and Machinations while more effectively ignoring schoolwork

calvin's dad pulling up to the house and seeing the whole driveway covered in a (completed) snowman recreation of the entire terracotta army and he takes a deep breath and greets calvin's mom with "i see calvin remembered his methylphenidate today"

And like who the fuck is this guy [gestures to reflection in mirror alone in bathroom

I think those fancomics where Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes is transgender are cute and fun but I also think it's a deep misunderstanding of Calvin's character to think he would transition into a heterosexual normie who goes to her high school reunion. That girl would have neopronouns and fang implants

Adult Calvin is a tattoo artist named Panthera who is the bassist in a terrible metal band called Captain Napalm and Hobbes helps do faer E injections

I know it's like 2 weeks too late to change it but I'm so mad I didn't realize that the band would obviously be called "Get Rid Of Slimy GirlS". I walk the road of shame

blue-haired liberal sounds like the name of a delicate endangered species of bird

my teeth were perfectly designed to tear abd rend the soft white flesh of the gentle beast known as the mozzarella

this strategically placed landmine will allow me to easily dominate the dance dance revolution competition

"i look forward to hearing back" implies a beautiful world that runs on sense-direction combinations. i smell sideways to tasting up. i palpate inwards to listening diagonal, so that i can hunger clockwise

would you still love me if i was a small iridescent freshwater fish