DO YOU KNOW A SONG ABOUT VELOCIRAPTORS?

bro lemme show u how sex REALLY works *picks up large rock from forest ground*

seals should be able to levitate and hover around at whatever height they want it's not fair that they have to scoot whenever they're out of the water

transition timeline but about halfway through im inexplicably a cackling green witch for a few months before continuing as normal

they're putting me on the cover of times magazine and also putting a cup over me and there's even talk of taking me outside

has anyone seen my pet bacteriophage its name is styrofoam and its about [hand touching the floor] this tall

touches your blog with my rhinophores

can never predict which of my posts is going to get popular. now everyone on tumblr knows i kicked a fish

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

“Can you pay?” I asked. Of course she could. Her shoes were worth more than my rent. She could pay. “I can pay,” she said. Her eyes were wet. I wondered if anything else was wet. Probably not. I am not handsome. Not since the war. She was looking at my scar. Lots of people do. Most look away. Not her. She did not look away. She looked at my scar and I looked at her legs. There were two of them. I liked that about her. I liked that a whole lot. “Will there be danger?” I asked. There always is. This city bleeds danger, then drinks it right back up again.