i cannot rest until i find out what a fish is

if you're pure of heart you will never be injured in any knife fight

Hey kids, you need to start worrying a little less about getting “#mogged” and a little more about getting “#smogged”. This is an Air Quality Index public service announcement.

the new fantasy genre, popehunk, encompasses all books in which historical figures responsible for real atrocities are presented as sexy and potentially suffering from a cute lil' anxiety disorder

we've sent 2,500 senior dogs to a six week Javascript bootcamp using the funds we raised from our ransomware operation. and that's just the beginning. starting next month every fruit will be different

a warthog is a thog specialized for use in war

i bet girls hated it in 1902 cuz you would constantly go on dates w guys who are working on an invention to present at the world fair

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad