idk man i’m just vibing

Oh, to be granted the power to speak to animals for just like 38 seconds, so that I could tell this pebble-brained feathery fuckass that nobody is impressed that he started singing earlier than anybody else. There's no bird pussy available at 2 am. The dames can sense your desperation. Stop screaming for at least three more hours.

my least favorite literary smut turn of phrase is when a guy is like “im gonna ruin this pussy” “im gonna wreck this pussy for anyone else” like stop.. thats not yours…!

full of hate and malice...you know how it is with me...

……..sometimes you just gotta….open the windows in your house…….let some fresh air in…..change your bedsheets….make sure your surroundings are clean and tidy…..

They should invent a cat who doesn't want my baked beans

They should invent a cat who doesn't want my corn chips

Why is he a beautiful golden-eyed sculpture

on my "don't walk to metlife" post I kept seeing people say that drivers would "bergentruck" pedestrians on the turnpike and it turns out that that's a reference to an Undertale meme where a character purposefully runs over people, but the portion of the jersey turnpike that goes to metlife is bergen county, and I had just instantly accepted that there was a term specifically referring to jersey drivers from there. I didn't even question it. Neither would you, if you had ever driven there.

Shout-out to characters who don't plan to survive their stories! Heroes who think they can only atone for their failures through sacrifice, villains who don't think they deserve to live in the world they're trying to create. Gimme that passive suicidality baby, mm-mm, delicious.

And let's not forget the ones who don't expect to die or anything, but are always half-thinking "well I'm the most expendable one in our team so if someone needs to sacrifice themselves obviously it should be me." Like, no bitch! You're also part of the team! You matter! Shut up and accept it already! (But also don't because the rock-bottom self-esteem makes you so compelling.)

ok every time I see this post I find it necessary to point out Jesus was a carpenter like he legit would’ve used the fuck outta a nail gun