I'm interesting dammit!

start referring to things you own as “your inventory”

“Jackie did I give you my keys?” “idk lemme check my inventory *rustling in purse*”

yes

clever

this period of the simpsons where homer is pretty clueless but still tries hard to be a good father because he does love his kids is my favourite, so many feelings

GROSS SOBBING

is that a fuckin pun

soup that tastes great is souper

may i interest you in a bowl of canned u not

I would pay good money for this type of technology.

I spat out my tea

please god no

i’m all for boys wearing makeup mostly because if more of them got into it there’d be a bigger market and it wouldn’t cost $25 for an eyeshadow primer anymore

i can’t wait to go into the makeup aisle to get the latest man-color of guyshadow that comes in containers shaped like bullets and footballs

“Bruh I just went to sephora and got the sickest shade of eyeshadow” “Sick dude what’s it called” “Monster truck gas fumes” “Niiiiiiiice”

ITS BACK

THE GREATEST JOKE ADVENTURE TIME HAS EVER WRITTEN

I only go on the internet like once a day for approximately 20 hours. 

it’s so scary feeling like you manipulate everyone who loves you just by being Extremely Sad and them noticing it… like… im so sad a lot of the time and i dont want other people to be trapped by that sadness

constantly going “am i being Sad too loudly? am i being Sad too obviously? is this manipulative?” even while in the middle of a crisis