I'm cooler online

"dont smoke around your pets" okay well i dont even smoke im asthmatic. my dog smokes bc she needs to fucking chill sometimes and Yeah i light them for her Obviously bc she cant use a lighter. i dont get anyrhing out of this arrangment and i resent the implication. in fact shes giving ME secondhand smoke. so my question is why are you so hateful and jugemental and acting like an asshole to me making presumptions and shit about my life.

What. What. What. What.

im gonna pop some.tag

anyone have that picture with the 100 pool toy baltos. Its like a modern terracotta army

I lowkey hate when programs talk to me in a friendly way. "don't worry, nearly there!" Shut up. It should say "loading 64.3% completed. Do not turn off device" and absolutely nothing else. You arent my friend you are computer. Act like it

Iron Islander voice: Theon you [19 syllable dolphin noise slur] I see you came back WOKE and GAY and a WOMAN from us leaving you as a child prisoner to the guy with an 8 foot sword that makes you drag it around to executions in front of his screaming faced tree gods as a daily reminder that he can and will kill you (a child) just like he killed the rest of your family (some of which were also children). Did you have fun polishing his sword? I’ll bet. Did you write this letter yourself? Knowing there’s a one person literacy limit? Should we call you Theon the Reader, you reading fuck? And standing here in a jean jacket you bought yourself, may as well be sucking dick at old navy. You know who’s NOT woke or gay or a woman? Your sister Asha. Why can’t you be less gay and woke and a woman, like Asha? I bet she could run a democratic election because you know what isn’t gay Theon? Democracy

ice cream truck blasting gymnopedie no. 1 while a bunch of really forlorn children chase after it

Chalk is squids road.

bad ending: the farmer sells out to Joja good ending: the farmer restores the community center and Pierre beats up Morris bad ending++: Morris goes to law school and comes back 4 years later as a Monsanto goon and hits the farmer with a killer lawsuit good ending++: same as above but the farmer teams up w/ Marlon and Pierre to disappear him in the mines true ending: the farmer must enter the water purifier even though it’s been established that abigail is immune to radiation

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

The horse says, "I think I'm about to be homeless." The bartender, who now feels a little bad about the joke, says, "Oh, man, that sucks. What's going on?" The horse says, "It's the job market. It doesn't matter how good I am at SEO optimization. No one wants to hire a horse. The moment they look at my resumé and see the name 'Brushstroke', into the trash it goes." The bartender says, "Really? I had no idea." The horse says, "And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking why don't I just apply for horse jobs instead? Well, for the first few months I wouldn't. It was a matter of principle. I didn't become the first in my tailine to get a degree in computer science just to end up pulling a cart. But lately, I've given in. Because my saving's are running out, and my kids can tell that something's wrong. So now I'm doing interviews to let drunk tourists ride me, and the pay is peanuts, and you know what? I'm still not getting any offers! It's all going to younger horses!" The bartender says, "That must feel awful." The horse says, "You can't imagine! It's eating me up! People are trying to help, but they can't. They can only offer a couch for a few weeks or only a place for me, not for my family. It's like, every morning I have to come home to my husband and my two kids and tell them I'm not good enough to support them! I'm already having to juggle debt to handle his medical expenses, and then... then there's just the shame of it. I was sired for this! I was bred to do it! And I can't! I just can't pull it off!" The bartender says, "Wow. I don't know what to say." "I know," the horse says. "I just need to find a place that's stable."

A free-range group therapy called "get herded, idiot", where you and everyone in your group is set loose to run around on an open field while a highly trained shepherd dog tries to keep you all in one group. I am not sure what benefit this would have for anyone involved.