The economic machinations that turn goods into commodities and put them on store shelves instead of into the hands of people are unjust, and by extension any means of subverting that is just.
I do not care who you are, what you have, or what store youâre at, stealing is good, always, with no caveats. Take everything your gay little hands can carry.
And to help with that, because Mother Anarchy loves her children, Iâm going to give you all some tips on safe and easy ways to shoplift
Be confident. The number one thing that will give you away is being visibly nervous and avoiding workers. Take things slow, be friendly to any workers that you run into, and act like youre in control. Having friends with you can help with this, and is useful for other things, too. Iâve walked out of stores holding unscanned merchandise right in front of an employee and I smiled, waved, and bid them have a nice day as I did so.
Present yourself as unsuspicious. This is related to the last point, but again, the most important thing is not drawing unwanted attention. Wearing a baggy hoodie and pants can set off red flags. My preferred thievesâ garb is shorts and a t-shirt, and an open cardigan. Something that looks casual but still has pockets is useful, assuming you want to go the route of stuffing pockets.
Bring your own bags. One of the easiest ways to steal is filling up your own bags while going through the store, going to self-checkout, and only scanning a small portion of what you brought. Grocery bags look less suspicious than a backpack. The safest way to steal is paying for part of the haul, and then walking out with the rest. You can either have the bags on your person or in a cart, just donât put them in a weighing area with stuff still in them.
Donât panic. Self-checkout will beep and say things are wrong even when youâre not stealing, just look like you donât know whatâs happening and that youâre doing nothing wrong. React how youâd react if you werenât lifting. Worst-case scenario, if a worker accuses you of something, act confused and blame it on forgetfulness, then pay for the item. Iâve been doing it for years and never had a worker mention things once, youâll most likely be fine.
Be wary of Target. Iâve heard lots of rumours about Targetâs security that may or may not be true, but itâs probably best to avoid them just to be safe
Have fun, stay safe, and make the capitalists pay
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