Nyx Wordsmith Writes

Four months earlier

Paula was trying to assist Patton in the kitchen to prepare dinner. However, it seemed like every time she tried to assist she dropped something. Eventually, Logan came in and shooed her out of the kitchen so that Patton could finish. Paula offered Logan a sheepish smile as she walked out and found Roman. 

She was so focused she missed the grateful look that Patton gave when he finally had the kitchen to himself. Paula found Roman pacing a hole in the floor in the living room, “Ro.” She said softly, giggling a little when the teen jumped as she interrupted his thoughts. 

“Vi won’t share a smoke with me so this is the best I got.” Roman offered teasingly with a huff. 

Virgil chuckled from the back deck, “Damn right I won’t.”

Roman wrung his hands nervously until he felt his mom’s hands on his, “Mom.” 

A small smile spread across her face, “It is going to be fine. I know it.”

“But what---what if?” Roman whispered, sounding much younger than he was.

Paula moved closer, “Roman, sweetheart.” She said gently, letting him take his time to meet her gaze, “I am never going to make you choose between me and your dad.” She assured, “If we don’t get along it’s okay.”

Green eyes went wide as he listened to his mom, “Yeah?” He asked hesitantly, wanting to believe her. 

“I promise,” Paula assured, hearing the doorbell and going to it quickly. She took a calming breath then opened the door and held her breath. In front of her stood almost an exact copy of Roman just older. Even Roman’s little brother could have been his twin. 

Paula stepped out of the way smiling at the pair, “Come in.” She offered, blushing when she realized she was treating the house as her own. 

“Thank you,” Jose said with a smile, Remus walking in behind him, “My name is Jose.” He offered to the room, seeing a new face peer through the kitchen doorway. 

Logan offered a cordial smile, “Thank you for coming to our house, Jose. I know this means a lot to Roman.”

The teen walked behind Logan and poked him hard in the ribs, “Stop telling all my secrets, teach” Roman complained. 

Jose smirked, “I know it means a lot and I want to see who took care of my son when I couldn’t.”

Dinner had gone fairly well all things considered. They ate and made the uncomfortable small talk that was deemed normal, all in all, it was relatively quiet. 

At one point Roman noticed that Paula and Jose had started talking quietly to each other. He had thought nothing of it until he heard Paula genuinely laugh. It had been so long since he'd seen his mom laugh and look so relaxed, he couldn't help but smile. 

After dinner, Roman noticed Virgil step out back for a smoke and followed him. He pushed him back against the side of the house and kissed him deeply. 

Virgil squeaked as his hands found Roman's chest, kneading it slowly as they kissed, "Nervous energy?" He teased into the kiss. 

"It finally feels like I can breathe again," Roman whispered as he rested his head against Virgil's, "I didn't realize how worried I was that mom and da--Jose wouldn't get along," he explained softly, feeling his boyfriend's arms wrap around him. 

Virgil smiled as he looked up at Roman, "I bet it would make him very happy to hear you call him dad." 

Roman blushed deeply and his mouth suddenly went dry, "But what.. what if he." He couldn't even finish his concern before Virgil's lips were on his. After their first kiss and everything since Virgil had quickly learned that kissing Roman made his head stop reeling for long enough to let the logical side take over. 

The kiss broke shortly after it began. It wasn't the fiery passionate kind this time. It was full of love and understanding, "You don't have to," Virgil assured, "But I'm sure he wouldn't mind." 

________________________

That dinner had started something that Roman couldn't have ever thought would be possible. Two months after the dinner his mom had texted him to meet her for dinner at a particular restaurant. 

Roman blinked a little when he arrived with Virgil. This was not a restaurant his mom would have ever considered. It was way out of budget. He felt Virgil squeeze his hand as they walked in, seeing Paula in a smart white three-piece suit. 

"Our table is just this way," Paula assured, recognizing Roman's anxiety, "No one is dying, and don't be worried about the money," she whispered softly as they walked to the table. 

The table had candles and a bouquet in the middle, crisp white linen napkins, and a tablecloth to match. Roman almost missed that his dad was also at the table, "Dad?" He said in confusion, as Jose got up and pulled out the chair for Paula. 

Once everyone was seated Jose looked around the table from Paula to Virgil then finally to Roman, "Roo I can never thank you enough for allowing me back into your life." He took a deep breath, then continued,  "You've created a whole new chapter that I didn't even know was possible." Jose paused for a moment and looked at Paula, his green eyes warm and loving as took her in, "Paula and I have been talking ever since you introduced us…and Roman I've fallen for your mom," he admitted, still looking at Paula, "So with you here I want to ask if you'd be okay if I asked her to marry me." 

Roman's brain came screeching to a halt. This was something that only happened in books and romantic comedies. There was no way that his long-lost father had fallen in love with his adoptive mother. 

Paula giggled a little as she watched Roman's mind work, "We aren't joking," she assured, "I know we haven't known each other long. But we both instantly felt this connection that made it feel like we have known each other forever." 

Jose nodded in agreement, taking Paula's hand, " We aren't rushing into this," he promised. 

There was no denying that it had been love at first sight. Jose had been studying abroad for a semester when he met Natalie. The whirlwind romance was one for the ages. They quickly went from strangers to never seeing one without the other. 

Their friends had said something about how they were too dependent on each other however both of them brushed it off. Those comments only made the two of them seek each other out even more. 

When the semester came to an end Jose tried to convince Natalie to come back home with him but was met with resistance. 

"I don't want to move. What if it upsets the baby?" Natalie worried, resting her hand over her nonexistent bump. 

Jose nearly fainted right there as he took in his beautiful Natalie, she stood near the window with the setting sun behind her casting a bright halo around her making her look angelic,  "You're pregnant?" He asked, leaning heavily against the bench for support. 

Natalie turned towards her boyfriend with a bright smile and nodded, "I am." 

With those two words, Jose's fate was sealed. He would do anything to be there for his child. Natalie had never looked as beautiful as she did at that moment. He quickly moved towards her and spun her in circles, quietly whispering near her ear in his native language about how happy he was and how he couldn't wait to be a father. 

_____________________

Jose did his best to provide for them but unfortunately, immigration policies that had been put in place did not work in his favor. Eventually, Natalie stated that the visa process and the money were a waste of time when they could just get married. With their marriage came the ability to earn more money with better-paying jobs due to his visa.  

But the marriage had been more out of necessity or obligation than love. For years Jose had tried to get a visa through the legal channels and had poured so much money into the process. He had his second thoughts about the marriage especially when they were really struggling and he'd picked up any overtime that was offered. The reason for the overtime was two-fold. One was because they needed the money as Natalie insisted on being a stay-at-home mom. Two he dreaded going home every night. If he didn't work overtime Natalie yelled that he was good for nothing and tried to starve their son to death. On the other hand, if he worked overtime Natalie became suspicious and accused him of cheating on her. Of course, neither of these were true but after hearing them so often it felt like maybe she was right.  

With a better-paying job and more manageable hours, Jose finally felt like he was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. All that changed after Remus was born. 

____________________

There was something different about Natalie after Remus. She looked at the child like she feared he might spontaneously combust or perhaps she was wishing he would. She had never looked at Roman that way. Jose thought maybe he was just seeing things since her behavior towards Roman hadn't changed. 

After a long shift, Jose came home and found Natalie barricading herself in the kitchen with a knife pointed at Remus. She was shrieking and crying as she watched her son. It was impossible to understand what she was saying and honestly, Jose wasn't sure he wanted to know. 

His eyes went to Remus who was sitting up and looking at his mom, reaching his hands out for her but by the look in Natalie's eyes she didn't even recognize the child as her. The first thing he noticed about Remus was the blood around him that was coming from his hand. 

Jose picked up Remus and took him and Roman to the bathroom so he could patch up his son. He would likely never know how Remus got injured as that day Remus stopped talking to anyone but Roman. 

This was the first time Jose considered that maybe Natalie needed help. He did his best to keep Remus away from her and ensure that he had everything he needed. Jose also tried to urge Natalie to seek professional help but if anything that only made things worse. Even when he suggested Roman and Remus go to therapy he was met with resistance by Natalie. 

When Jose had brought up seeking help Natalie had screamed and cried for hours about how she was trying her best and maybe if he did more this wouldn't be happening

Without Natalie's knowledge, he did manage to take both of his sons to therapy. Jose couldn't care less what Natalie's reaction would be if she ever found out. This was in the best interest of his children.  

At this point, Jose was half convinced that this was normal behavior. There were times after the fact that Jose went over all of the days leading up to the end that he tried to pinpoint if he'd missed a sign but everything seemed normal. 

One day he came home from work with Remus on his hip to find the house trashed. There was a letter amongst the wreck from Natalie that said she was taking Roman and leaving. That Jose was no longer the man she married and she couldn't take it anymore. Upon reading that letter Jose knew he should've felt sad or ashamed but he couldn't help but feel relief. That Remus was safe, he was safe. The only thing he was worried about was Roman. How he'd ever find his son or ensure that he was okay. There was no telling what Natalie would be capable of. Thankfully, she hadn't shown any aggression towards Roman but Jose knew that it wasn't safe for Natalie to have him. 

After Natalie left Jose never stopped looking for Roman. However, there were very few people who wanted to assist an immigrant in finding his child. He'd told his story many times and found that most people just stared at him and came to the conclusion that his wife was abused and running for a reason. During his search child protective services had been called on him multiple times as anyone who listened to his story assumed that Remus was also in danger. Thankfully these assumptions were unfounded and he was able to take care of Remus on his own. 

_______________________

Years had passed and Jose had stopped telling people his story. This didn't mean he'd stopped looking for Roman but he mostly used the internet or prayed that somehow they would make it back to each other. 

The day has been like any other day when he received a text from an unknown number claiming to be Roman. Jose was hesitant to believe it at first as it seemed so impossible but upon further investigation he realized it was actually Roman. 

It took everything in him to be patient to schedule a meet up. This was his son they were talking about. A son he never thought he would be allowed to see again. With the reconnection came the hard part of trying to explain to his grown son what had happened. But it felt like all he had were excuses. That he hadn't tried hard enough or been a good enough father. 

______________

Once he'd said his part Jose hazard a glance at Roman and saw that his son had tears streaming down his face, "I'm so sorry." He pleaded, needing his son to understand.

Roman shook his head, "Dad no." He whispered, wiping at his face and feeling Virgil's hand on his thigh rubbing small circles, "you did so much for both of us." He added, "She--she always told me you left."

"I promise you I didn't. I have spent all of my free time looking for you." Jose assured, setting his hand on the table near Roman and instantly relaxing when he grasped his hand. 

The teen choked on a sob, "I believe you." He whispered, squeezing his hand. 

Those three words broke all of Jose's resolve. Roman believed him. His son didn't blame him. He didn't hate him. Jose swallowed hard, "Roman. Can I have another hug?" He asked gently, trying to let his son set the pace. 

Roman immediately got up and wrapped his arms around his father, not even allowing him to get out of his seat, "please stay." 

 It was new to live together, but it had changed a lot in the seven months since they’d started. It had been hard to figure it out at first. Roman had to go further for school, so he got up earlier, and Virgil was snappy at first without his coffee and so fought Roman about his medications. They’d compete for the bathroom, exchange quips that sometimes got meaner than they should have, fight over homework, get frustrated with each other.

 But just like starting to share their space, their bedroom, their routine developed over time. Following Patton and Logan’s consistent advice, they’d continued communicating. It was difficult at first, convincing Virgil to be open about his feelings was hard. He was so used to being independent that he didn’t see the need to explain his emotions. But something had turned his opinion around. Roman didn’t know what. Maybe Virgil had laid awake one night thinking it out, maybe he’d caught Roman crying to himself (which he did more often than he cared to admit) or overheard Roman talking to Patton...Roman wasn’t exactly sure that he wanted to know exactly what changed his behaviour.

 After that, their routine started to slot into place more easily.

 Roman always woke up earlier than Virgil, the early bird of the pair, regardless of the why. On mornings where there was nothing to do, he’d lay in bed with Virgil, holding the tiny punk close and playing with his hair. Or, on nights where Roman clearly didn’t sleep well, Virgil would hold him close.

                                              --------------------------

 But on mornings like today, he woke up early, carefully extracting himself from Virgil. That, in itself, was easier said than done, and usually took a while, but once he’d settled the cuddly punk back into bed he would quietly head to the bathroom. It was agreed that Roman would start getting ready in the bathroom, simply because he enjoyed his music during the quiet hours of the morning and his singing usually woke up Virgil. And Virgil only seemed to wake up well to his singing, if and only if Roman was in the bathroom.

 If he was in the main room...Virgil would end up cranky for the whole day.

 If Virgil had school or work, he’d wake up, smiling sleepily, attaching onto his back and humming along as Roman sang and finished getting ready. It wasn’t that Virgil liked his music, in fact, Virgil liked to tease him for it constantly. But he’d heard the songs so many times, he knew the words and melodies.

 That morning, struggling with his tie and wearing some ‘sensible’ make-up, Virgil stood behind him, arms wrapped around his waist, swaying Roman as they sang and hummed together softly.

 It had started to help relax Roman for the day ahead, even as Virgil sleepily reassured him and comforted him. Roman remembered smiling about how cute it was, Virgil’s eyes still closed as he spoke in his slow, low sleep voice.

 He’d been sure to settle Virgil back into bed, giving a few light kisses to his temple and cheek before heading out. And it was another awfully hard day in court.

 He bit his lip as he leaned against the door, tipping his head back and frowning. He had been going over his testimony since he’d given it, trying to figure out how to do it again, how to do it better, how they could tear it apart and use it against them. And he knew he’d have to do it again tomorrow...cross examination. Days like today, he questioned Paula’s choice to pursue Natalie out of the civil case into a criminal one.

 But there were worse things, he supposed. Like Natalie winning and taking Carla and doing...god knows what.

 He wasn’t going to let her take his sibling. Not if it meant they would live happily with their mother.

                                              ----------------------------

 Roman sighed, finally pushing himself off the door. There was some comfort in being back at home in their shared room. The persistence of his nagging thoughts slowed a little, knowing Virgil would be home soon and would probably say the things he needed to hear. Things he was telling himself that just weren’t quite sinking in.

 He discarded his tie on the back of a chair, sighing deeply as he slowly moved to shed his jacket, looking up as the bedroom door opened. Virgil stepped in, smiling gently at Roman, already half out of his jacket, “Hey you.” Virgil’s voice was soft and gentle, just like his eyes as he moved into the bedroom.

 Roman sighed, his shoulders dropping, feeling the tension he didn’t realise he’d been carrying making the muscles ache, “Virge…”

 “I’m here.” he said softly, “I know that was hard-”

 “You made it look so easy!”

 “Hey.” Virgil quickly closed the distance between them, hands coming up to rest on Roman’s forearms.

 “I was scared of saying the wrong thing and then I did-!”

 All the effort Roman had made to keep it together was starting to come apart. He was cracking, finally crumbling under the pressure to get this right, to do it right, to do right by Paula and Carla and what if he’d done it wrong-

 Virgil gently squeezed his forearms, even as words spilled from Roman’s mouth, words he couldn’t really contain anymore. Afraid, overwhelmed, cracking under pressure he couldn’t possibly handle…

 But Virgil kept his hold firm, his eyes locked on Roman’s, listening to every concern and fear and brushing at tears that broke free and slid down his cheeks. He never interrupted, never told him was being stupid, just waited.

 And that was something Roman was still getting used to.

 But when Roman finally ran out of steam, had finally regurgitated it all up and ran out of energy, Virgil tilted his head to the side. Roman sagged forward, breathing hard, squeezing his eyes closed as they stung with frustrated tears.

 “I think you need some quiet time, huh?” Virgil kept his voice low, that soothing, deep timbre that struck the right chord inside and soothed something in his soul, “So let’s get you out of that suit.” he gently brushed hair out of Roman’s face, “And into something more comfortable, huh?”

 Roman couldn’t help the wave of exhausted emotion that washed over him, squeezing his eyes tighter, whole face crumpling as his chest started to hitch. He couldn’t even find the energy to speak, nodding slowly as Virgil gently squeezed his forearms.

 “Lemme take care of you.” Roman nodded again as Virgil guided him toward the bed, sitting Roman down gently, “That’s it, honey.”

 Virgil’s hands gently slid up Roman’s arms to his shoulders, “I’m tired…” he managed to whine softly, looking up at Virgil gently.

 Virgil’s hands slid under the jacket over Roman’s shoulders, easing it off and feeling tension sap out of his muscles, “Just lemme look after you.” he kissed Roman’s forehead gently, smiling when he felt tension ease out of his forehead, “That’s it. Just relax.”

 Roman sighed deeply, sagging toward Virgil, “I can’t…” he whispered, pouting up at Virgil, “You’re being...too soft…”

 He smirked back, long black hair falling into his eyes as he tilted his head to the side with a small smile, “Too soft, baby?”

 Roman bit his lip and blushed deep, ducking his head and dropping his gaze, “I...I’ve just been…”

 Virgil blinked, “Oh…” realisation dawned across Virgil’s face, “Oh! Baby…” his expression softened, “You’re...all wound up?” he asked gently, cupping Roman’s cheeks in his hands.

 Roman blushed deeply, “I, um...yeah…” he whispered, “I’m sorry, I-”

 Virgil tilted his head back up, “Roman, love?”

 “I...yeah?”

 “You can say no, but-” Virgil brushed his thumbs over Roman’s cheeks, “Can I help?” he asked softly.

 Roman’s blush darkened, Virgil’s hands feeling cool compared to the heat now coming off his own face, “I...um...you...want to?”

 Virgil smirked, “Of course.” he whispered, kissing the tip of Roman’s nose, “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.” he assured softly, that ever gentle smile on his face, tilting his head to the side, “So if you don’t want to, I’ll wait. As long as it takes. If we ever do.”

 Roman blinked, “You...you don’t mind if we never do?”

 It really wasn’t the most pressing question in the whole conversation-

 “Of course not.” Virgil answered softly, catching Roman’s eyes when they flicked to meet his, “Baby, I-” Virgil took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second. When they opened, there was a new determination, warm and fiery but nothing that would burn...at least, not when he looked at Roman like that, “I love you.” Roman felt his chest hitch, fresh tears blooming in his eyes, “And your happiness, your comfort, means everything.”

 Roman squeaked, “You...you...mean that…?”

 Virgil huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes, “Oh my god, Ro…”

 A laugh broke out of Roman, closing his eyes, “Okay...okay, I’m...shut up.”

 Virgil laughed warmly, lips meeting Roman’s, a slow kiss full of...full of love, “So, how about…” Virgil kissed Roman’s nose, “I make some moves.” His voice started to get playful and coy, the corner of his lip tugging up into a smirk, “And if anything makes you feel gross or anxious or just...no, you tell me?”

 Roman blushed and sniffled, “But, I…”

 “I won’t get mad.” Virgil quickly reassured, “I’ll stop as soon as you say no.” he ran his fingers through Roman’s hair and smiled gently, “We’ll go as slow as you need and only as far as you want.”

 Roman hiccuped, resting his hands on Virgil’s narrow waist, “I...I love you.” he whispered back, watching Virgil’s face…

 And despite all the months he’d spent with Virgil, the fear was still there. The fear of being screamed at, of being hit, of being dismissed...reared its ugly head.

 But instead, Virgil’s face lit up, smiling brightly as he ran his fingers through Roman’s hair again, “Can I tell you something?” he asked softly.

 “I...yeah, sure?” he bit his lip, watching Virgil’s face.

 Virgil smiled warmly, kissing his nose again, “You can say that whenever you want.”

 Just like the first time Virgil gave him a pet name, the first time Roman gave him one and he didn’t respond poorly, the first time they kissed...a surge of feeling washed over him.

 Roman pulled Virgil against him, Virgil losing his balance and knocking Roman onto his back on the bed. He laughed warmly, the sound making Roman feel dizzy, kissing him deeply.

 When Roman pulled back, leaning over Virgil, he stared down at his boyfriend. His silver eyes were wide and warm, smiling as his dark hair settled around him in a mussed up disaster. Virgil seemed to recognise the look on Roman’s face, a deep blush spreading over his face and he squeaked softly, “What?”

 “I don’t like suits.” he pouted.

 Virgil tipped his head back and laughed, beaming brightly at Roman, eyes shining, “Then lemme take it off.” he teased, smirking again.

 Roman bit his lip, “Just...slow? Please?” he whispered softly.

 Virgil’s expression softened again, “Of course, baby.” he answered gently, switching their places with a simple shift, pressing Roman onto his back, “And you say stop, I stop.”

 Roman nodded, biting his lip and watching Virgil closely. Virgil smiled softly, running fingers through Roman’s hair, kissing him slow and gentle. Roman let his hands rest on Virgil’s waist and just behind his shoulder, focussing on how Virgil was making him feel.

 His hand slid down the side of Roman’s chest to his waist, fingers deft as he unbuttoned up the centre of Roman’s chest, the air chilling his skin.

 Virgil hummed softly, breaking the kiss and trailing it over Roman’s cheek. They’d made out a thousand times before, hell...they’d fallen asleep doing it before...but this felt different.

 Something inside Roman was afraid, afraid of any kind of expectation, but...Virgil had assured him that wasn’t the case. He could say no at any time. He’d stop…

 Virgil’s lips met Roman’s neck, the skin firing hot and tingling down his shoulder. His hand gently slid over Roman’s chest, “Easy, baby.” Virgil whispered against the side of his neck, “Breathe.” he kissed up beside Roman’s ear, “I’ve got you.”

 Roman took a slow, deep breath, sighing it out slowly, “Sorry...sorry, I just...keep thinking.”

 Virgil smirked, “Usually that’s a me problem.”

 Roman laughed, feeling some of his nerves dissipate, “Shh. This is new for me.”

 Virgil flicked Roman’s shirt open, drawing lightly on his skin, “I know. But I’ve got you.” he assured gently, “There’s nothing to be afraid of, I promise.” he kissed Roman softly,

 He sighed deeply, “I trust you, Virge.” he whispered softly, “I’m not afraid of you.”

 Virgil smiled gently, “I know.” he whispered back, kissing him softly, “Let’s just focus on having some fun and letting off steam, huh?”

 Roman met Virgil’s lips again, burying his own fingers into Virgil’s hair, purring softly and Virgil hummed back. It went like most of their make-out sessions did, Virgil’s hands starting to slide under Roman’s clothes, exploring his skin slowly and kissing over his neck and collarbones.

 But Roman relaxed under the small explorations, and even though he noticed that Virgil was taking it in small patches, he couldn’t help but enjoy it.

 His body reacted as it had a million times before, realising some of his secret fantasies were coming true.

 Virgil purred, leaning back and smiling down at Roman as he panted softly, “Oh, baby…” he whispered, taking in Roman’s messed up hair, panting softly, flushed over his chest and face, “You look delicious.”

 The flush got deeper, sucking his swollen red lip between his teeth, eyes shining, “You’re flustering me!”

 Virgil chuckled, beaming as he helped Roman slide proper onto the bed, pulling off Roman’s shoes and his own, “Mm, but you’re so pretty, Ro.”

 He squeaked again, “It’s not fair!”

 “What?” Virgil laughed, helping Roman shed his jacket and shirt.

 “You always out-flirt me!”

 Virgil snickered softly, kissing down Roman’s chest again and purring softly as Roman’s breathing hitched, “Mm, but I don’t.” he whispered.

 Roman was quiet for a few moments, besides small whines and moans, arms lax by his head as Virgil explored over his chest and stomach.

 “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to do this.” Virgil teased, looking up as Roman forced his eyes open and looked to his boyfriend.

 “Huh?”

 He smirked, licking a thick stripe up along Roman’s abs, shivering when Roman moaned and dropped his head back against the mattress.

 “Virge…!”

 “What?” he teased softly, kissing down to his hipbones.

 Virgil squeaked when Roman suddenly moved, flipping Virgil onto his back, “My turn.” he whispered, kissing Virgil deeply, “Please-”

 “You don’t have to ask.” Virgil assured, tipping his head back and moaning softly as Roman started gently kissing his neck, “Mmm…”

 Virgil wanted to squeeze him close, assure him, feeling Roman’s slow and hesitant kissing, his hands slowly and nervously unbuttoning his shirt. But he didn’t want to spook Roman, didn’t want his nerves to get the best of him. So he enjoyed Roman’s slowly building confidence, purring as he arched into Roman’s touches, his own hands sliding up into Roman’s hair.

 Roman purred softly, his noise soft and uncertain, but Virgil could feel his muscles slowly relaxing, the kisses on his neck getting more confident and comfortable, trailing them down to Virgil’s collarbone.

 “Ro, baby…” he whispered, sliding his hands down to the nape of Roman’s neck, “That feels so good, right there…”

 Encouraged, Roman traced light kisses along Virgil’s sharp collarbone, feeling Virgil shiver beneath him, breath hitching, small mewls escaping his throat. He pulled back for a second, his green eyes searching Virgil’s face with a flash of uncertainty, even as Virgil smiled up at him, cupping his cheek.

 “Take your time.” he whispered, brushing his thumb over the curve of Roman’s cheekbone.

 “I...I don’t...want you to be bored…”

 Virgil rolled his eyes and smiled fondly up at Roman, “You dork.” he whispered softly, pulling Roman down into a slow, gentle kiss, feeling the muscles relaxing some more in his shoulders. When Virgil let Roman pull back again, the uncertainty in his eyes were weaker, slowly replacing with fondness, “You have my full attention.”

 Roman’s blush deepened a little on his cheeks, “I...but that doesn’t mean…”

 Virgil smirked, “There is nothing else I want to do.” he answered softly, brushing over his cheek, “I can’t be bored if this is the most exciting thing in my day.” he purred, voice low and husky.

 That sparked an interesting response in Roman, his eyes flashing bright and losing focus for a second. Virgil watched carefully, Roman’s eyes regaining focus and the muscles in his shoulders getting tense again, “I...I-”

 Virgil gave Roman a worried smile, “A flashback?” he whispered, brushing some hair behind Roman’s ear. He nodded a little, sheepish and embarrassed.

 “I-I know it’s you but I just-”

 Virgil shook his head slowly, “Hey, slow down, breathe.” he whispered, smiling a little wider when Roman’s eyes met his again, “We’re taking our time, remember?” He nodded slowly, “We’re under no obligation to do anything, and we’re in new territory,” he assured, “Was it the voice?” he asked.

 He shook his head, leaning into Virgil’s hand, “No, um...when we first started dating...he said I was the most exciting part of his day…”

 “So...how does that make you feel?” he asked softly, Roman’s eyes closing for a moment as he breathed in deeply, “When I say it?”

 Roman’s eyes opened, grass green eyes meeting Virgil’s, filled with something like determined fondness and that was...new. “It...made me a touch sad.” he whispered, “Knowing he used to think that about me too but…” Roman’s eyes softened, exploring Virgil’s face, “It also made me really happy.”

 Virgil tilted his head, smiling softly, “Oh?”

 Roman’s lips twitched with a smile, “Cause I know you won’t get bored of me.” he winked, leaning in and kissing Virgil slowly.

 When their bare chests met, sparks of sensation shot out through both of them, Virgil’s arms snaking firmly around Roman, rolling them over and he purred softly as Roman’s hands tangled back in Virgil’s hair.

 They explored each other slowly, lips locked as the sheets starting to get tangled beneath them. When Virgil broke the kiss again, they were both panting, so close together they shared breath, coffee from Roman and cigarette smoke from Virgil combining between them.

 Roman smiled, his eyelids low, lashes thick and long, making his wide pupils look stunning against his pale green irises. Stars were shining in his eyes, glittering in his pupils like tiny little galaxies. Virgil’s lips parted but Roman’s smile widened, “Don’t say it.” he whispered, Roman’s own voice dropping low, “I can see it on your face.” he flipped them back over, lips meeting Virgil’s, firm and hot and excited.

 He arched into Roman’s hands, a soft mewl escaping from the kiss, dragging his nails lightly up Roman’s sides. Roman shivered, deepening the kiss, their tongues dancing together until Roman pulled Virgil on top of him again. They breathed hard together, Virgil breaking away from Roman’s lips to kiss down gently over Roman’s neck to his collarbone and then down to his navel.

 “God, how do you look…” Roman lifted his head, eyes hazy but focussed on Virgil, smirking faintly as he looked up to meet Roman’s eyes, “Like a goddamn greek god?” he purred, licking up Roman’s abs again as a bright blush flushed over Roman’s face.

 “Virgil!” he whined, head falling back against the blankets and Virgil chuckled softly.

 Hearing Virgil’s soft laugh, Roman pouted, “Not my fault you’re gorgeous.”

 Roman huffed, grumbling softly as he flipped them over, easily moving Virgil to rest his head in the pillows, smirking at the bright blush that flushed over Virgil’s cheeks.

 “Roman…” Virgil whined softly, blushing a very deep red.

 Roman tilted his head with a slight smirk, his eyes flashing and brightening as it clicked, “What’s wrong, V?” he teased in a low pur, “You like when I manhandle you?”

 Virgil’s eyes widened and his blush deepened further, “Roman!”

 He grinned, sliding his hand under Virgil’s back, easily pulling Virgil up to straddle his lap, holding his boyfriend close, “Because I think my very thin, very light boyfriend does.” he purred, watching Virgil’s face burn bright red, squirming a little, his hands resting on Roman’s chest.

 “Shut up and get me out of these pants.” his voice hit a low growl, throwing his arms around Roman’s neck, kissing him with the same heat Roman had hit him with earlier. Roman’s large hands spread over Virgil’s back, feeling around the waistband of Virgil’s slacks before they slid under, spreading over Virgil’s boxers.

 “Impatient?” Roman teased around the kiss, smirking a little when Virgil growled again, deepening the kiss again and Roman purred as he pushed the slacks down. He hummed, breaking the kiss to toss Virgil back down on his back, his face burning red as Roman grinned at him and pulled off his slacks, tossing them aside.

 “See? I don’t always out-flirt you.” he hid his face in his hands, pouting playfully at Roman.

 Roman giggled, “Okay, point taken.” he purred, leaning back down over Virgil. Virgil let his hands fall away from his face, peering up at Roman, eyes shining brightly, “You gonna get these off me now?”

 Virgil chuckled, kissing Roman and the moment he was disarmed, he flipped Roman over.

                                      ------------------------------

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For who knows how long, I've been wrestling with some really intense mental issues, but being that I grew up with them, didnt really know it wasnt normal.

About 2 years ago, I was robbed at knifepoint while at work. And although that was a horrifying experience, I seemed to get better after ward. And then I wasnt okay. For a long time.

A few months ago, I fell off the grid again. I was in hospital for a pretty serious abscess. And again, I seemed to get better. And that managed to float me through to July.

When everything got really bad again. Up until yesterday, I truly believed it was PTSD, that it would pass in september and everything would be okay after that.

But I'm scared that this time I'm wrong. That I wont bounce back or worse, bouncing back the way I have been is the opposite of good. And considering bipolar runs in the family, and my mother has mentioned on MANY occassions that I may have it, I am seeking out help.

I hope this won't affect my writing or posting or interaction online. But considering how bad I'm doing right now, it felt right to at least say that I'm getting help and in time, I'll be back to doing at least something here.

 Not because Remy was mean in anyway...if anything Remy was a surprisingly good boyfriend. For someone who liked to parade as cocky and egotistical...he was surprisingly considerate for Logan.

 And for this particular event, Remy had only to flutter those damn long lashes and Logan melted with a compromise of, “An hour.”

 It hadn't even been half an hour yet, and here he was, staring down three jocks with his back against the wall.

 And he'd lost sight of Remy.

 “What makes you think you belong here, professor?” One snarked, eyes flitting up and down Logan and he couldn't help but swallow hard.

 Logan could barely hear them over the bass and his own racing heart, trying to formulate something of an escape. But to where? The stairs were too far away and would require him to have more strength than he possessed-

 “Hey, hey, hey, no need to be mean.” the one in the middle spoke or...yelled, rather, considering the ambient volume, “He's kinda cute for a nerd.”

 Any relief Logan had felt turned his blood cold as ice.

 “This stick?” The first answered and rolled his eyes, “Weak.”

 Logan watched him turn away, almost taking the slim opportunity to run, but a thick arm blocked his escape and he recoiled, swallowing thickly. The broad jock's body was too close now, the air between them reeking of cheap alcohol and bad cologne.

 “You seem a bit young to be drinking at a party?” The words tumbled out of Logan's mouth before he'd thought it through properly.

 The blown pupils trained on him suddenly constricted and Logan wished he could just...scream for Remy.

 “What would you know?” He snarled, voice rumbling. He didn't have to yell so loud now that he was so close.

 Logan couldn't see where the third member was, but Logan knew he was still close. He wouldn't leave, not yet, not when there was flighty prey.

 The jock's smirk returned, pupils blowing wide again, leaning in close to Logan's ear. He pressed himself against the wall, as far from the invader as possible. He turned his head, face twisting with discomfort, nails digging into the drywall behind him as his jaw clenched and he swallowed around a whimper.

 “Why don't you come back to-”

 Logan didn't hear the rest, the unfamiliar voice turning into a low drone as his eyes caught Remy's face on the stairs, scanning for him. He could only hope Remy saw him.

 “Hey,” Logan jumped, “You should listen when I'm talking to you.” The voice was a low growl, the warning of someone who either didn't take no for an answer...or hadn't heard it before. He barely suppressed a whimper that time, “Come back with me to mine-” if it had been a question before, it was a thinly veiled demand now, “-we'll have some fun.”

 Logan's mind scrambled, panicked beyond the ability to form a proper refusal, but thankfully, he didn't have to.

 The jock grunted suddenly, almost doubling over, pushing himself off the wall to stumble back a few steps. Logan gasped in an actual breath when the distance grew, trying to spot his redemption- Remy.

 A warm but worried smile pulled on Remy's face, “You okay, boo?” He asked, and Logan could see Remy quickly scanning him over behind his shades.

 “I, um, can we-”

 “What the fuck, man?” The jock growled, his friend baffled as he stared and Remy's head snapped back to the jock. He stepped in front of Logan, consciously or unconsciously making himself a barrier, Logan didn't know. But he appreciated it.

 “You always hit on other people's boyfriends?” Remy's voice rose higher than the music, a feat Logan was certain came from years of experience in this loud setting.

 “Well why didn't he say nothing?”

 “Cause you were being a jerk, maybe?” Remy snarled, shoulders set straight behind him, his frame tense and rigid.

 Logan glanced around as other heads turned to them, “Rem-” he tried, voice drowned about the noise and music.

 “Me? How the fuck was I-?!”

 Remy shifted, a subtle change in his posture that Logan knew all too well. His shoulders straightened, his chin dipped, eyes rising over the rim of his shades to lock with the jock's. Logan knew Remy wasn't blinking, his arms at his sides, feet planted…

 Remy's Imma-fight stance.

 The jock seemed threatened for a moment, “You think you can take me on? Alone?!”

 He laughed, throwing his head back. Logan jumped as three unfamiliar faces approached, creating a barrier between Logan and the jock, silencing the jock immediately.

 “I ain't ever alone, honey.” Remy retorted, and Logan could hear the mocking smirk in his tone, “Now fuck off elsewhere.”

 Something angry and reviled flared in the jock’s eyes, but his friend dragged him off by the bicep, talking to him but Logan couldn't hear it now. The bass was thrumming almost as fast his heart was, the crowd seeming to get louder as he stared at the back of Remy's head and watched his boyfriend relax.

 There was a small moment of small thank you's before Remy turned to Logan, his smug but warm smile back, offering his hand.

 Logan had never snatched it up so fast, practically launching himself into Remy's arms. As he buried his face in Remy's familiar scent, familiar, strong and comforting arms wrapped him, his feet following as Remy led him out into the cool autumn air.

 The drone of the crowd and thrum of too-loud bass was replaced with the soft reassurances of Remy's low timbre, feeling them drift over grass to the car.

 He wasn't exactly sure how he was feeling. Scared? Overwhelmed? Relieved?

 He felt Remy come to a stop, settling against Remy's chest and feeling the familiar fingers run through his hair, “I've got you.” he spoke softly.

 It took a long few moments before Logan managed to relax, shifting to settle his face in the crook of Remy's neck.

 “Doing okay now?” he asked softly, rubbing his arm and back.

 Logan swallowed and nodded, “Yeah…” he whispered, “Sorry, I-”

 Remy shook his head and kissed his hair, “You're allowed to be upset.” he assured softly.

 His breathing hitched and Remy tightened his hold a little, kissing his hair lightly.

 “I know.” he whispered, “I've got you.” he looked out over the yard, “Listen you fools,” he teased and Logan faintly smiled, hearing his tone, “I’m not only cute, I’m also terrifying.”

 Logan giggled out of surprise, “Good protector.” he teased back and sighed deeply, “Thank you.”

 Remy chuckled softly, “No need to thank me, honey.” he answered warmly, tilting Logan's head to his and smiling as he pushed his shades up. His eyes were warm and bright, full of love and worry, "Keeping you safe and happy makes me happy.”

 Logan chuckled softly and kissed Remy slow and warm, feeling the smug smirk return to his boyfriend's face.

 “And no parties for a while.” He assured playfully, “How about...we spend the rest of our night sitting at home,” he kissed Logan's nose, “Drinking some wine and cuddling while we fangirl over space documentaries?”

 Logan smiled warmly and sniffled as he felt tears sting his eyes, “I'd love that.” Remy grinned brightly, “I love you.”

 Virgil couldn’t help but stare at Logan in disbelief, his eyes shining excitedly as he managed to get his hair completely under control and searched Virgil’s face.

 Either Logan was really, really excited, or he hadn’t fully processed Virgil’s blinking, shocked stare, because Virgil didn’t snap out of it until the coffee machine pinged softly behind him.

 “How much have you thought about this?” he asked softly, and Logan bounced a little on the toes of his feet, trying to smooth his tie down.

 “A lot.” he whispered, taking Virgil’s hands in his own, “I know it is a lot to take in first thing in the morning-”

 “You proposed to me over morning coffee.”

 “-But...I would really like you to think about it.” he said softly, squeezing Virgil’s hands in his gently, “I think...I think our own child would…”

 Virgil squeezed Logan’s hands back, “Firstly, you gotta stop having amazing, life-changing ideas in your sleep.” Logan flushed a little and giggled, eyes still shining when they met Virgil’s again, “Secondly...does it have to be an infant?”

 Logan blinked a few times, the cogs whirring away behind his eyes, his excited grin softening into a warm and gentle smile, “No.” he answered softly, “No, it does not.” he reassured, “Perhaps phrasing it with ‘baby’ was not my brightest idea.”

 A disbelieving but infinitely fond chuckle escaped Virgil, pulling his husband in for a warm, slow kiss, “Let’s talk about it more.” he offered gently, “Take it slow?”

 Logan beamed back at him, the excitement back in his eyes and Virgil couldn’t help but smile back fondly, “Just like us.” Virgil’s smile turned into a grin as Logan gently kissed the skin just behind his wedding band, flushing as Logan looked back up at him.

 “I am basically a small woodland creature.” Virgil teased and Logan laughed warmly, pulling Virgil in for a warm embrace.

 “My little rabbit.” he teased softly.

 ***

 The conversation had been officially shelved for a few months, save for a few harmless musings between the pair, and though Virgil worried that Logan hadn’t really meant it-

 He kept catching Logan longing for a child.

 It was true that Logan was not exactly...what many considered paternal. Patton easily held that over him, being warm and bubbly and brimming with Dad jokes, but Logan was...definitely pining for a child.

 He’d found a poorly hidden catalogue for children’s furniture in the living room, come across Logan’s laptop with child behavioural research, caught Logan scanning the living room...clearly considering how he’d have to babyproof it…

 And if the proposal, engagement and wedding was anything to go by, Logan was waiting for Virgil to bring it up.

 So, Virgil managed to corner Logan in his study. He hurriedly tried to hide the book he was reading, offering a sheepish smile and blushing, pushing his glasses up his nose, “Virgil!” he chirped, clearing his throat, “I did not hear you knock.”

 “That…” Virgil stepped in, “Would be because I didn’t.”

 Virgil sidled over to his desk, gently pushing things aside to sit on it, legs spread in front of Logan, feet on his chair.

 His expression fell into one of very slight disapproval, “Virgil, I believe I requested-”

 Virgil slid down into his lap, silencing Logan and fishing the book out, “Baby names, huh?” he teased and Logan fell silent, blushing brightly and clearing his throat, “Oh, and child psychology.”

 “Well- uhm- you see-”

 Virgil cupped his cheeks, kissing him gently, “I have some stipulations.”

 He could count on one hand the amount of people who managed to stun Logan, and Virgil himself was on the top of that list, “Oh?”

 “For our first kid…” Logan lit up, “No newborns.” Logan’s face schooled into something more serious as he listened, “Preferably school age and...we take it all slow...learn everything and...make sure we do this properly.”

 Logan’s hands settled on Virgil’s hips, squeezing gently, “I can agree to all of those, if you hear out one of mine?”

 “Hm?”

 “Our second one is a baby.”

 Virgil chuckled softly and nodded, “So...are we-”

 Logan nodded and beamed as Virgil rested his head in the crook of Logan’s neck, “Yeah…” he whispered.

 “Would you hate me if I said I’m scared?”

 Long, strong fingers slid through Virgil’s hair, “Considering the severity of your anxiety and ptsd, I have come terms with the fact that you are fearful most of the time.” he assured gently, “Though, by no fault of your own and no less real whenever  you bring it up.”

 “So...no?”

 Logan chuckled softly, “No.”

 He sighed into Logan’s neck, “I’m just...worried, ya know? What if...they hate me?” he asked softly, “Or...I do it all wrong and I’m a bad Dad and-”

 Logan squeezed his hip and Virgil sat up, meeting Logan’s eyes. Those long, strong fingers of his gently stroked along Virgil’s jaw, “You’d be a great dad.”

 “How do you know?” Virgil asked softly.

 He playfully rolled his eyes with a slight, fond smirk, “You would have me believe otherwise?” he asked, “I have plenty of evidence to the contrary.”

 “Lay it on me.”

 Logan chuckled, pressing a few buttons on his laptop, “One moment-”

 “You didn’t.”

 “-and-”

 “It’s the wedding all over again.”

 “-there it is.”

 A powerpoint was open on the computer, simple in design, but it was clear Logan had taken pointers from the wedding and proposal powerpoints...considering they had been plain white and Virgil’s eyes had started hurting after a while.

 In the sidebar were clear comments and sections and Virgil couldn’t help but smile at one slide, aptly marked ‘To-do list’. Another one of Virgil’s pointers, a short summary so Virgil could see what needed to be done and what had been...so he didn’t get overwhelmed.

 Logan had learned that one the hard way with the wedding.

 “How many slides is this one?”

 “Fifty-seven.”

 “Fifty-!” Virgil exclaimed.

 “To be fair, twenty of them are infographics or cute photos.” Logan explained, “Now, may I?”

*

 Virgil wasn’t sure how to explain how this felt. A death march? His wedding all over again? Walking down the aisle had been downright terrifying...even if he’d been able to see Logan at the end, eagerly waiting with his hand out. This was different...there was no goal in sight, even if it was in this building specifically.

 Logan rounded the car to him, hand slipping expertly into Virgil’s like it was made to be there. His skin was warm against Virgil’s, squeezing lightly as Logan pulled him closer, “It will be alright.” Logan reassured gently, kissing his cool skin, “Breathe, my love.”

 Virgil forced a deep breath, barely able to tear his eyes away from the building to meet Logan’s, “What if they-”

 “They are going to love you, do not worry.” Logan’s warm voice interrupted Virgil.

 “I wasn’t-”

 “Sure, you weren’t.” Logan teased back gently, kissing the tip of his nose, “It is only the one major concern you have had throughout the process.” Logan continued, his voice teasing and light, “And the source of many nightmares, I presume.”

 Virgil huffed, “I didn’t tell you for a reason.” he pouted and Logan smiled gently.

 “And that is why I did not ask.” he answered lightly, pulling Virgil in for a slow kiss. It started out chaste and gentle, intended as nothing more than a few seconds of contact to try and reassure his husband. But when Logan tried to break away, Virgil pulled him back. Hungry for more reassurance, afraid of what would happen inside.

 And as always, Logan heard his cry. He knew that sometimes it was hard for Virgil to say what he needed with words...but touch was another language altogether. And Logan had tried hard to learn Virgil’s particular dialect.

 His arm slid around Virgil’s narrow waist, pulling him flush against him as the kiss slowly deepened, Logan’s touches firm and reassuring. Confident, even, while Virgil’s felt more frantic and nervous, shaky and hungry.

 And in time, as Logan held him close and let Virgil search for the touch he needed, Virgil calmed. Finding the reassurance and drinking it all up.

 When they parted, they were panting softly, sharing breath that smelled of toothpaste, mint and a trace of coffee, Logan’s eyes glowing warmly down at Virgil’s, their foreheads pressed together.

 “I’m ready now.” Virgil whispered, blushing a little as Logan grinned at him and guided him inside. He couldn’t quite recall what happened after that. This was more Logan’s territory, speaking with multiple strangers, answering questions, filling out paperwork.

 It was, quite frankly, one of Logan’s jobs.

 But it all flew over Virgil’s head. He was too busy trying to get acquainted with a room before they were shipped into a new one, over and over, new offices, new waiting rooms...it took several hours but it felt like a blur for Virgil.

 Finally, Logan pulled Virgil into another waiting room. This one was brightly coloured, reminding Virgil of the pediatrician’s waiting room when he was child. He’d hated it then too…

 It was quiet, save for a television faintly playing a children’s television show on the other end of the room, and Virgil followed pliantly as Logan pulled him into a plastic seat.

 “Not long now.” Logan reassured softly, “Do you need help centering?”

 Virgil blinked at him, “I- Logan, I’m-”

 “You are pale, love.” Logan assured, pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket, “And sweating.”

 “Oh, ew.” Virgil took the thin fabric, gently wiping his face.

 “I know that was a lot of movement and faces for you.” Logan assured, keeping his voice low in the near silent waiting room, “But try and relax now.” he kissed Virgil’s cheek gently, “You need not look so afraid.”

 “It’s okay if I say I am afraid, right?”

 Logan nodded, “Yes, it is.”

 Gentle and slow, Logan started to tap on Virgil’s knuckles, the pair silent as they waited. Virgil slowly calmed, resting his head on Logan’s shoulder and sighed deeply.

 “Tired, love?”

 Virgil chuckled softly, “A little.”

 “Already a perfect Dad.”

 “Dad joke.”

 “Sh-”

 “Logan and Virgil Lewis?”

 Logan got to his feet as Virgil’s head snapped to the voice, “That is us.”

 The warm woman beamed at them both, looking just as excited as Logan did, “Just through here.”

 Of course, walking across the waiting room, Virgil’s fears naturally preyed on him. He remembered rooms like this himself, though...they were never intended as permanent homes.

 And Virgil knew enough about this child that he would expect the same from them.

 Hopping from home to home, listing several different issues, but none seemed willing to settle on the same cause. Bully, manipulative, rude, poor behaviour, difficult, problem with authority…

 It depended on who they asked, apparently.

 But Virgil knew what that really meant...it was a kid who was scared and probably angry or sad, lashing out at a system that insisted on keeping them moving and unstable.

 These people fostered troubled kids, expecting fear to make them angels...but even Virgil knew that wasn’t how kids worked. And Logan knew that wasn’t how foster kids worked.

 The meeting room was the same gaudy colouring as the waiting room, clashing shades of green, orange, red and yellow with some blue for contrast, making Virgil almost sick at the memory. What was it with brightly coloured but clashing rooms for kids?

 There were various toys scattered around, no doubt fiddled with by other kids who’d been in that day, all spreading out from a box at a far window.

 But Virgil’s eyes slid along the room, even as Logan chatted to the social worker until he found him. The child they’d come to take home.

 Sitting at the other large window overlooking the city, his brown hair was a greasy mess, flopping into his face as he stared out at the cityscape before him. His shirt was too big and ratty in some places, no doubt a hand-me-down from a family some time long ago, and his jeans were worn through, the knees completely torn open and the ankles worn away into tatters.

 Virgil looked to where his belongings were being kept for the time being, and frowned at the single plastic bag waiting for them. It didn’t even look full...twelve, and this kid had already learned to pack light.

 “How long has he been in the system again?” Logan asked quietly.

 The social worker sighed as the boy shifted uncomfortably. Ah, he could hear the whispers.

 “Six years.” Virgil answered softly, “On average two homes per year.” he added and Logan’s face twisted with pity.

 He asked more questions to the social worker as Virgil peeled away, making his way slowly across the room toward the child. Early puberty hadn’t kicked in yet, still round and soft features as he sat curled in a ball, staring out at the cityscape and passing birds.

 Virgil caught a wary glance as he folded himself down beside him, looking out at the city in silence for a few moments. He knew the kid was getting uncomfortable...even Virgil knew most families expected the typical ‘run-into-your-arms’ scenario like they had a hero complex…

 “It’s quiet up here, huh?” Virgil asked softly and the kid jerked in surprise, eyes wide as Virgil leaned closer to the window, “All those people...seem so small from up here.”

 The kid nodded slowly, choosing to keep quiet, though Virgil caught disdain hidden in his eyes. He was fidgeting with a pair of shades in his hands, grimy from his fingers over the lenses.

 “Can I clean those for you?” Virgil asked gently, hand open and palm up on his knee but not encroaching on the kid’s space.

 He was wary, pale green eyes wide as he looked from Virgil’s open hand to his face and back again a few times, before hesitantly relinquishing his shades. Virgil cleaned them carefully with the hem of his shirt, smiling when they were clean and inspecting them.

 “Hmm, they’ve been loved a lot, huh?” he asked quietly, offering them back, “You’ve got a screw loose, maybe Lo could fix it for you.” the boy took his sunglasses back but left them in his lap.

 They were quiet a few more moments, the soft murmur of Logan’s and the social workers voices providing a soft hum to fill the void.

 “I’m Virgil, by the way.” he spoke softly, smiling gently when the boy nodded slowly, “I know I’m supposed to say I’m your new dad…” the boy tensed a little, “But I’m happy with just cool uncle too.”

 He knew that would throw the kid for a loop, his shoulders dropping and head snapping to his, eyes wide in disbelief, “You’re not...like, forcing me too?” he asked quietly.

 Virgil met his eyes, careful not to look too intimidating, “I’ve been in the system, I know it’s...weird.” The kids face screwed up a little, “Meeting a parent for the first time-” Virgil looked back out the window as the kid kept staring at him, “-and being expected to call them Dad or Mom…” he sighed, “Especially if you already had those.” The kid swallowed hard, “So...you can call me Virgil, if you’d like.”

 “Virgil…” the kid tested it out in his mouth, looking out the window. More silence fell over them for a time, though the social worker left and Logan milled about with the file. “I don’t like the name on my file.”

 “Oh?”

 The kid nodded, “Call me...Remy.”

 A warm smile split onto Virgil’s face, “Remy...I like it.” he nodded and saw the slightest tinge of pink from Virgil’s approval, “Tell me...Remy…” the kid tensed again, “Is that all you brought with you? That bag?”

 Remy nodded slowly, looking down to his shades and fidgeting with them, “It’s all I got left.” he whispered, “Sometimes...they didn’t gimme enough time to pack so…”

 “Things got left behind…” Virgil finished for him, frowning as he looked out the window. A few minutes of silence passed and Remy eventually realised he didn’t have to stare at his shades, looking back out the window again.

 Logan moved a little closer, keeping a fair distance and Virgil smirked as Remy regarded Logan suspiciously, dodging his gaze and tensing when Logan met his eyes with a warm smile.

 “Hey, Remy.” Virgil spoke softly.

 “Yeah?”

 “Why don’t you put your shades on?”

 Remy fidgeted, “They...said I’m not allowed to.” he answered quietly, “I’m supposed to...look parents in the eye.”

 Virgil huffed, “Who’s to say you can’t do that with your shades on?” he smirked when Remy lifted his face to Virgil, “I also know you’ve got some photosensitivity.”

 Remy frowned, “They make me take medicine for that.”

 “But it doesn’t make it go away, huh?”

 Remy shook his head slowly, looking down at his shades. The kid was seriously considering it, fidgeting with them for a little bit, “You...don’t...mind?”

 Virgil’s heart broke at the hesitation and fear in his voice, like Virgil would take it back or break them if he did without making absolutely sure. Virgil had hoped no kid would live through what he did but...here he was.

 Another example of a broken system.

 “I don’t mind.” he assured softly, smiling as Remy slowly slid the shades on.

 Virgil let the quiet fall over them again, giving Remy time to relax and adjust. It was clear for a few minutes that Remy didn’t believe he could wear them repercussion free, not until Virgil huffed and stretched his legs.

 “Ya know, the colours in this room are gross.” Remy’s face twisted in agreement, “And I wanna get out of my suit.” A slight smirk threatened to pull on Remy’s face, “You wanna bounce?”

 Remy shifted, clearly torn...but he knew he couldn’t stay there. Sure, if he said no, the office would put him back in another facility but...the facilities sucked even worse than homes.

 He got up slowly and Virgil groaned as he got to his feet, “I’m getting too old for floors.” Remy stifled a giggle behind his hand, “Can I introduce you to my husband?”

 “Hus-band?” Remy asked, glancing nervously to the door and back, “You’re gay?” he whispered.

 Virgil snickered, “Flaming gay.”

 Remy gasped and followed Virgil as he moved toward Logan, who glanced up from his file.

 “Remy, this is Logan.” he spoke warmly, as Logan offered his hand to shake, “He’s my giant nerd.”

 That earned a surprised giggle and Remy shook his hand, calming and relaxing a little even as Logan got to his feet, “I am a giant nerd.” Logan countered warmly, earning another giggle from Remy, “Now, I am led to believe that bag is full of your belongings?”

 Remy shifted on his feet and Virgil realised how worn out his sneakers were. And it wasn’t just that the shirt was too big...the kid himself was too small. Had they fed him at all?

 “Yes, sir.” he answered softly.

 Logan shook his head, “You may call me Logan.” he reminded, “May I carry your bag?”

 Remy had clearly never been asked that before, looking nervously up at Virgil for some kind of guidance, “Yes or no, kid.” Virgil teased with a slight smirk, “Your choice.”

 Remy blinked behind his shades, considering his options, “I...um...yes, please…?”

 He nodded, moving over to the bag and easily picking it up into his hands. Logan’s eyes flashed with concern at how little was in the bag and Virgil raised his eyebrows. The kid was in school. He should have had books or a backpack to make it heavier…

 Virgil hummed, “Remy?”

 “Yeah?” Remy clearly struggled with swallowing the ‘sir’ that time.

 “Do you have a jacket?” he asked quietly, “It’s kinda cold out.”

 “Um, no.” he answered, rubbing his arm as Logan’s wide eyes met Virgil’s in alarm, “It got...stolen...I’m-”

 Virgil shrugged off his blazer and winked to Logan, “Here.” Remy jerked in shock as Virgil set it over Remy’s shoulders, “That’ll help a little.”

 “But, sir, I-!”

 Virgil crouched down to his level, “Can I carry you to the car?” he asked quietly, “I know you’re twelve-” he reminded Remy, “But those shoes look painful to walk in.”

 Remy hesitantly slid his arms through the sleeves, clearly surprised that Virgil didn’t reprimand him, “I...guess?”

 Virgil grinned, pulling Remy up onto his hip, “How’s that?” he asked, smiling warmly when Remy only nodded and rested his head on Virgil’s shoulder, the sleeve of his blazer pressed to his mouth.

 Logan led the way out and Virgil couldn’t help the smug pride that filled with his chest at the surprised looks from social workers and secretaries. Clearly Remy had fought before, and probably with good reason, and Virgil feared what they’d find once they got Remy home…

He sighed again, resting his forearms on the back of the couch, bending at his waist and pressing his forehead into the fabric. His heart twinged again, biting his lip hard as he tried to ignore the thickness growing in his throat.

No, no, he couldn’t do this now. He had to be strong-

A soft breath escaped from the top of the stairs and Roman felt his skin prickle, his breath hitching as he straightened suddenly, eyes skating over the figure at the top of the stairs. Patton was wearing his sweatshirt…his sweatshirt…fuck.

“Ro…”

Roman felt his stomach flip, swallowing hard to try and fight the bile rising in his throat. It wasn’t fair that he still looked so pretty, with his hair mussed and eyes rubbed raw and bloodshot. It wasn’t fair that he looked cute in Roman’s sweatshirt and simultaneously made him feel nauseous.

It wasn’t fair that Roman felt like he’d been gutted while Patton still looked like an angel, even when he was upset.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered, voice wobbling as Roman kicked off his shoes, trying to keep his breathing even, “I…I know I hurt you-”

Roman’s hands gripped into the fabric of the couch, barely managing to loosen a hand to unbutton his shirt slowly, “Patton, I’m too tired to talk about this now.”

“You’re avoiding it.” Patton’s voice went firm, and Roman was surprised that he didn’t balk as he had in the past.

Instead, the acidic burn of rage boiled up and out of his throat, “What gave you that idea?” He spat, pulling his shirt off and tossing it over his blazer, ruffling his hair as he walked around the couch in his tanktop and slacks.

“Roman, you can’t keep avoiding this conversation.” Patton’s voice wobbled again as Roman opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of wine and then a glass, “Please…it’s just hurting us both-”

The wine bottle and glass hit the bench too hard, the loud ‘thunk’ silencing the room as Roman squeezed his eyes closed, gripping the neck of the bottle tightly.

“It’s hurting us both?” Roman asked, his voice dripping with acid of pain and rage, opening his eyes and staring down at the bottle of wine, “Both?” his eyes snapped up to Patton.

His husband- or whatever he was now, took a step back, gripping the banister of the stairs, almost ready to race back up the stairs.

“R-ro…”

Roman dropped his eyes again, sighing hard and shaking his head, his limp hair falling into his face and making him look to much like his brother. His hand loosened around the neck of the bottle, sliding down to the bench and he had to prop himself up.

“Please…not tonight.” he whispered, tears already stinging in his eyes and his lungs threatening to cave in, “Please.”

There was silence for a few moments, the air tense with anticipation and fear. “Okay…” Patton whispered, inching backward to the stairs, “Please, um…at least come back to bed.” Roman felt ice run down his spine, “You’re only going to hurt your back…”

Roman barely swallowed a whimper, his mind trying to flash the memory of that night in his mind again. He barely managed to push it back down, “I can’t.” for the first time since that night, almost a week past, his voice broke as he spoke to Patton, shaking his head slowly, “I just- I- I can’t, Patton.”

Another long moment of silence, broken once by a soft, barely there exhalation of air. A barely swallowed sob. “Okay.” he whispered, “Can…can we talk…about it tomorrow? Please?”

Roman took a deep breath and sighed deeply, pouring himself a glass of wine, “Sure.” he answered softly, pouring a full glass and leaving the bottle on the bench.

Patton slowly inched up the stairs, pausing halfway up as Roman walked past the stairs, sipping the wine from his glass, “Roman…?”

Roman set his glass down before flopping onto the couch, picking up the remote, “Yes?”

“I really am…I really am sorry.” he whispered.

Roman winced, gripping the remote tight and swallowed hard, “Goodnight, Patton.” he whispered.

No matter how much Roman avoided the memory during the day, he couldn’t avoid it in his dreams. He’d tried to simply not sleep, but that only made them harder to escape, so it was best to try and sleep. That didn’t mean he was sober when he did though.

It just meant that when he woke up, stomach flipping and heart-breaking all over again, he had an excuse to stumble to the bathroom and throw up in case Patton came downstairs. Which he didn’t.

Not for a week but…well, Roman couldn’t entirely blame him. He was cold to him but…honestly, Roman had felt pretty justified for a while…what was he still doing here? Sure, it was as much his home as it was Patton’s but…

It wasn’t looking much like his home anymore. Hell, he didn’t even recognise himself in the mirror anymore. He looked up at his reflection again. He looked more like a muscular version of Virgil…except his older brother hadn’t been drinking heavily for a week.

Beyond the buzz of the television, Roman heard his phone ringing, rinsing his mouth out into the sink and stumbling out to the living room, sitting on his makeshift bed and picking up the phone, “Hello?”

“Roman, what the hell are you doing still up?” Virgil’s voice was a bark but he could hear the undercurrent of worry, even as he snapped at his brother at four in the morning, “Logan called me, saying you’ve been going to work reeking of alcohol, what the hell-”

“Virge-” Roman’s traitorous voice wobbled, “Please…don’t yell at me…”

Virgil was quiet for a few moments, and he heard a door close through the phone as he tried to gather himself together, “Roman?” his voice was softer, quieter now and Roman felt himself starting to crack, “What happened?” he asked, “I can get a flight tomorrow, come see you-”

“No!” he squeaked, “Please, no, it’ll take you half a day to get here anyway-” he forced a wobbly laugh, “-I’m fine-”

Virgil laughed bitterly, “Now I know you’re not okay.” Roman fell silent, “You only say you’re ‘fine’, when you’re not.”

“Wha-”

“If you’re good, I wouldn’t hear the end of it.”

Roman was silent for a few moments, his eyes filling with tears, bracing an elbow on his thigh and he put his head in his hand, his breathing hitching, “I’m not.” his voice wobbled and thickened, “If Logan’s calling you from across the world…it’s bad.”

“Ro…”

“I’m sorry, Virge…” he whispered, a few tears slipping free, unable to hold them back when he heard his brother’s voice, “I…I should have thought about what I was doing…drinking so much-”

“Hey hey hey,” Virgil interrupted, “I know you’re hurting.” he answered softly, “I hate that you turned to the bottle, I’ll be honest. You saw what it did to Dad-” Roman twitched, his breath hitching, “-but I would rather know you’re not okay than nothing at all.”

Roman was quiet for a few moments, sniffling softly and trying to wipe away the tears quickly, “I’m sorry, Virge…” he whispered, pulling a blanket around his shoulders and curling up on the couch, “It’s all going to shit.”

Roman woke up late the next day, his phone on the floor beside the couch, drool dried on his cheek as he tried to shift off his stomach and twisting onto his elbow. He grimaced as he unlocked his phone, squinting at the bright backlight, groaning when he opened Virgil’s message.

[Dark and Fab Bro: I’ve got a flight back to your place. I’ll be there around evening.]

[Dark and Fab Bro: I’m one my way to the airport.]

[Dark and Fab Bro: About to board, I’ll see you in a while.]

Roman took a deep breath and groaned, rubbing his face and checking the time. Nine a.m. It was a good thing he’d sent his boss a text before he fell asleep the night before…he was in no shape to go to work.

A shape flickered in his peripheral, looking up and jumping when he spotted Patton at the top of the stairs. He was dressed in his usual polo, cardigan wrapped around his shoulders, his hair a right mess but his glasses were clean and he’d clearly had a shower.

“Ro…can we talk now?”

Roman felt the twist in his chest, the acidic burn of hate in his stomach, but he nodded, “Yeah…” he whispered, “Yeah, we should.”

Patton slowly made his way down the stairs. Roman saw Patton’s shoes and felt his heart sink to his feet.

Patton sat on the recliner nearby, clasping his hands together in his lap and taking a deep breath as Roman sat, bracing himself on his thighs, “So…”

Roman went quiet, staring at his empty wine glass and bottle as Patton took another deep breath, “I know it’s taken you a long time to…accept that we need to talk.” Patton spoke slowly, his voice low and resigned, “I know what I did was…awful. I can’t tell you what I was thinking at the time or…why I did it. I can’t excuse what I’ve done.”

Roman couldn’t help but feel like his world was cracking around him, the life and world he thought was going exactly the way it was supposed to be. He could see it fracturing around him.

“I can’t justify my actions or explain what I did as right or fair in any way…because it wasn’t. I…I don’t know what I was thinking.” he gripped his hands closer together, “But all I can say is I’m sorry and…”

Roman swallowed hard, trying to keep himself together as he felt the rest of his life falling apart. In a tiny part of his heart, he’d been wishing for a reason. Wishing in some way that he could explain it away. Maybe, it wasn’t what he’d thought…

“And staying here right now is hurting us both.” he continued, his voice evening out but no less sad or resigned, “You didn’t have to stay but you did, you did because I begged but this…this was never right. It wasn’t right or fair to you…or me.”

Roman tried to take a deep breath, but he could feel his chest threatening to collapse, his hands shaking as he tried to keep himself together. The last thing yet to fall apart.

“It wasn’t fair to…to ask you stay while you’re hurting…to expect you to be ready to talk to me so soon.” Patton swallowed hard, his voice wobbling, “To expect you to be willing to listen to me after I…after I completely shattered any and all trust you had in me.”

Roman swallowed hard, “Pat-”

“So, to be fair to us both…” Patton drew in a breath through his nose, “I’m going to stay with my mother.”

Roman’s heart shattered, staring at the glass in front of him. It had been hard enough to keep seeing that moment in his nightmares, when he heard Patton’s voice or saw his face or…if he dared to attempt to go upstairs, but…

Now it’s real.

“No, Patton.” he answered, “You’re staying here.”

“Roman-”

He got to his feet and swept up his blazer and shirt, “You made this a home.” he spoke softly, “You’re not leaving.”

“Roman!” Patton got to his feet as Roman moved around the couch, slipping on his work shoes.

“I’ll find a motel or something-”

“Roman!” Patton’s voice cracked and Roman froze, swallowing hard and gripping the couch, “I broke this home already.” he spoke sadly, “I’ve broken you enough already.” Roman’s shoulders drew up and he ducked his head with a hard swallow.

“Okay…okay, fine.” Roman whispered, dropping his blazer and shirt to the floor, stepping out of his shoes as tears stung his eyes and fell, “S-so…”

“Oh…Ro…”

Roman tried to take a deep breath, “W-we should…do coffee or…something.” he whispered, “To…talk about…the future.”

Patton nodded, moving toward the front door and it was only then that Roman saw the suitcases packed at the door. He barely swallowed a broken whimper, watching his…his husband open the door and step outside.

Roman couldn’t help but feel numb, stumbling to his phone as he listened to the silence settle over his apartment, shaking as he texted Virgil and Logan.

[Roman: Patton just left. I need some company. Please.]

Once he pressed send, it all crashed down around him. He had wanted to deny and ignore it, hoping maybe the anger and pain would fade or maybe he could…could forgive Patton in some way. But there was no reason, no excuse, not even an attempt to save his own skin. Just apologies…which made Roman feel worse.

A wounded, heartbroken wail tore from his throat, dropping his phone as he fell to his knees on the floor, sobbing pathetically into his hands. A week’s worth of pain and betrayal poured free from him, his voice going raw as he sobbed and wailed.

It didn’t take much for the pain to switch to anger, the acid flooding up, clouding his vision and rationality. He gripped the bottle, screaming as he threw it against the wall, not aware the door had opened until it shattered, the drywall crumbling a little from the force.

“Roman…” Logan’s voice was a quiet pool of tranquility in the rush of his rage, a cool glass of water to the fire of hatred consuming him, clearing away the burning roar in his ear to show him the shattered remains of his life and of himself.

He turned to his friend, realising the tears on his cheeks, his breath heaving as he shook on unsteady feet, “Lo…?”

Logan inched into the apartment, closing the door gently behind him, “What happened?” his voice was low and gentle, his eyes calm and free of judgement, full of cool and gentle concern.

Roman’s hands balled into fists, his legs shaking, “Patton…he…I caught him-” his throat constricted and his chest spasmed, but now…now Roman let the tears fall, “He was…in our bed!” he threw the wine glass after the bottle, watching it shatter.

Logan continued to move closer, “I don’t understand.” he spoke slowly, almost into the living room.

“I caught him wrapped around Dee!” Roman wailed, throwing his pillow off the couch, “Screaming his name in our bed!” Logan jerked in surprise, eyes widening, “And he didn’t even had a reason! He wasn’t drunk! He wasn’t angry at me! He just-” Roman faltered, a rogue thought crossing his mind, realising he was clutching the pillow in his grip.

“Ro…” Logan’s voice was cool, right behind him, gentle and worried, “Ro, I know you’re angry-”

A strangled, heartbroken whimper escaped him, before he turned to Logan, eyes wide and wild and full of agony, “Did he ever love me?” he whispered, searching for an answer in Logan, hoping for something in Logan, “Was I not enough?” He hiccuped, “What did I do wrong?”

Logan pressed one of his cool hands to Roman’s cheek, silencing him quickly, “I understand that you are trying to rationalise what happened in your mind.” Roman was staring into Logan’s eyes, desperate for something, anything to cling to. “I understand that you are in pain that I could never even imagine-” Logan saw Roman sway, moving to steady him, “But what Patton did was his decision and you won’t know until you ask.”

Roman moved pliantly as Logan pulled him toward the couch, sitting him down and brushing his hair from his eyes, “What do I do?” he whispered.

Logan offered one of his rare smiles, cupping his cheek gently and brushing the tears away as best he could, “I know I would never say this under any other circumstance…” Roman’s eyes glittered, “But for now, just let yourself feel.”

Roman pulled the pillow against his chest, curling up and sobbing as Logan sat beside him, petting his hair until Roman had cried out all of his energy, lying him down and tucking him into the heavy blankets.

“Now, rest.” Logan brushed his hair back, offering another rare, small smile, cleaning Roman’s face gently before turning on one of Roman’s favourite Disney movies.

Every so often, Roman’s eyes would stray from the movie, searching for Logan and finding him somewhere in the home. Washing the dishes, or cleaning up the broken glass, even calling for the drywall to be fixed. The movie ended and Logan started a new one, making sure Roman was comfortable, getting him to drink some water and eat a sandwich.

Then he returned to cleaning up, taking Roman’s clothes upstairs and stripping the bed. When he came downstairs with the sheets, Roman’s eyes filled with tears, sobbing softly into the pillows and Logan quickly tossed them into the machine.

With the apartment cleaned as much as possible, he sat beside Roman, letting his childhood friend drag himself upright and curl into his side. Logan smiled gently, running his fingers through his hair, making sure he was tucked into the blanket properly. Roman sobbed softly into his shoulder, crying himself to sleep, and Logan sent Virgil a quick text.

It took a few weeks before Roman could reply to any of Patton’s invitations to coffee, and planning it had been hard. But Virgil had opted to support him, staying for those weeks and helping Roman pick his life back up. Logan helped him get back on track at work, offering rational support when Roman’s mind tried to run away with his emotions.

But sitting in the cafe, fidgeting with his porcelain cup, he felt like he was being ripped raw all over again. All the same…it was best that he faced this.

He sighed, shifting in the comfort of Virgil’s sweatshirt. It was an old one, one that Roman remembered from his adolescence…and it still smelled like home. Or maybe Virgil was the smell of home…he wasn’t sure.

He’d been so lost in thought he hadn’t noticed Patton enter, or go and order his own coffee in a takeaway cup. Or, that Patton had approached.

Patton gently cleared his throat, spooking Roman from his thoughts, “Hey.”

Roman blinked up at him as Patton slid into the seat opposite him. He didn’t look much better than Roman did, but more put together than Roman did. “Hi.”

Roman noticed the takeaway cup in Patton’s hand. Hm, maybe this would end faster than he thought…

“How are you doing?” Patton asked gently, sipping his drink.

Roman sighed deeply, “Somewhat better.” he answered quietly, “And you?”

Guilt flickered over Patton’s face but it faded quickly, lowering his drink and cupping it in his hands, “Better.” he answered softly, taking a deep breath and swallowed hard, “I…I know I hurt you when I left…”

Roman took a sip of his coffee and nodded slowly, “It did. It…made it real.” he spoke softly, “Up until then, I had been…trying to avoid it. Scared to…I dunno…accept that it happened.” he shrugged and sighed, scratching at his ceramic cup.

Patton took a deep breath, “It took a long time for me to understand what…and why I did it.” he answered softly, “I…don’t want to upset you here so I wrote a letter.” he pulled the small envelope from his jacket and gently set it on the table, “And…well, everything is in there, so if you want, I can just…leave…?”

Roman took a deep breath, “Just…a few questions.” he whispered, “Things I…need to hear out of your mouth.”

He could see that Patton really didn’t want to stay, or hear the kinds of questions Roman would ask but he nodded, scratching anxiously at his paper cup, “Alright.” he whispered.

He took a deep breath, “Was it something I did?” he asked softly.

“No.” he answered softly, shaking his head, “It…wasn’t you. At all.”

Roman took a deep breath, “Are you…staying with him?” he asked, voice small and vulnerable, sipping his coffee.

Patton hesitated, sipping his own drink before he took a deep breath, “Yeah, I am.” his voice soft and resigned.

He nodded slowly and fidgeted with his cup, “So…” Roman closed his eyes and swallowed hard, taking a deep breath. He wasn’t going to do this here. Not now. He forced himself to push his thoughts to the back of his mind.

“Oh, Ro…”

Roman shook his head, taking a deep breath and breathing it out slowly, “I should go.” he said softly, picking up the letter and swallowing hard, clearing his throat when he felt a lump try and block his throat.

“You don’t have to go.” Patton protested, moving to get up as Roman did.

“Patton, I can see you’re uncomfortable.” he answered quietly, “So I won’t keep you.” he tucked the letter under his arm, “I…appreciate the effort you made to…write the letter.” He gave Patton a strained smile, before walking to the door.

The first tear fell before he’d even made it outside.

Virgil curled up against his side, his arm wrapped around his shoulders as Roman stared down at the letter, biting his lip. “I’ve got you, Ro.” he whispered gently, “I know this will be upsetting, but I’ve got you.”

Roman opened the letter, swallowing hard as he unfolded it. Virgil read along with him, the pair silent as they read quietly. As Roman flipped to the last page, his heart cracked, breath catching in his lungs.

“Oh, Ro…” Virgil whispered, pulling him closer, Roman dropped the page, jerking when something clunked against the hardwood floor. A golden ring peeked out from under the envelope, Roman’s lip quivering as tears flooded his eyes.

“Virgil…” his voice broke, curling into Virgil’s side and burying his face in Virgil’s shoulder, whimpering.

Virgil pulled his younger brother closer, gently running his fingers through his hair, “We’ve got you.” he whispered.

Roman sagged into his older brother, “He’s divorcing me?” he whimpered, crying hard into Virgil’s shoulder as his older brother held him tightly, “He hurt me and now he’s…doing this?”

Virgil squeezed him closer, “Don’t you worry about a thing right now, Roman.” he assured gently, “Logan and I will look after you.” he whispered, “Right now, you process and heal.”

It took a very long time for Roman to come to terms with what had happened. It had taken a long time for Roman to even talk about what he walked in on that night. The way his heart shattered into a million pieces, the way he threw Dee out and he and Patton fought. How Patton had begged Roman to stay and the idiot he was, he stayed.

It took a few weeks and endless re-reads of the letter for it to sink in for Roman. Years of marriage, hopes and dreams they’d shared and worked for…ending. It was like Roman was taking baths in acid, realising over and over again that the life he’d dreamed of was over…and a bleak, vast future was ahead of him.

The options alone were daunting, terrifying even.

His first big step to recovery…was finding his passion for the arts again. He didn’t dream as big as before, no, no Broadway or silver screen…least not yet. But he found solace in voice acting. Enjoyed voice acting. Hell, Virgil and Logan both grinned when they found out he was the new voice of a deeply loved villain.

And they were even more pleased when he did their favourite character justice.

It took a few more weeks from there, more falls into pity and self-loathing, some peaks and more valleys, but eventually…he found himself standing in front of his mirror.

Something he did, honestly every day. He tugged gently as his crisp black blazer, adjusting his dark blue tie, feeling Logan’s hands on his shoulders as the nerd stood behind him.

“Nervous?” Logan asked, a small smile on his lips as Roman gave him a wobbly one back.

“I mean, yeah.” he answered, “First premiere…” he whispered, “At some point, I’d given up on this, ya know.”

Logan smirked and leaned into Roman’s ear, “Like I gave up on Virgil?” he whispered.

Roman sighed, “Honestly, I feel bad that he moved back…”

The nerd rolled his eyes, “You know your brother would have been calling you day and night if he had.” he squeezed Roman’s shoulders, “He worries for you, constantly.”

Roman smirked, “Now you take some of it too.” he teased, laughing softly as Logan bat his shoulder.

“Yes, well…I hadn’t expected Virgil to be capable of managing my self-care better than his own.”

“You’re looking out for his, right?”

“Yes?”

“Then does it really matter?”

Logan smiled softly as he adjusted his cuff links, “No. I suppose not.”

“Oi!” Virgil’s voice echoed up from the lower story, “Roman, you’re date is here!”

Roman blushed slightly as he heard the offended screech from downstairs and he chuckled, covering his mouth. There, in his reflection, was his wedding ring.

He stared at it, lowering his hand and his gaze to the battered metal. It had been comforting to wear at first, a reminder that at one point, Patton had claimed to love him. That he was capable of being loved…more so than the bond it represented. It had taken a lot to get to that point, but-

“No! Screw you, tuts, I-” Remy’s voice trailed off when he saw Roman, pushing his shades up into his perfectly styled hair, his heels clicking slightly as he entered the room, “Could we have a moment, Logan?”

Logan nodded, “You two take all the time you need. Ro has a habit of being ‘fashionably late’…whatever that means.”

Remy snickered, “Unlike you, I am aware of the parameters of fashionably late. You’re safe.” he smirked as Logan paused at the door, “You should see your doll.” he winked and Logan blushed, huffing playfully as he closed the door behind him.

Roman felt Remy’s thin arms glide around his waist, his chin hooking over Roman’s shoulder, “Sorry, Rem, I-”

“Hey, no, shh.” he whispered, rocking them gently, “Breakups are hard.” he assured gently, “I get it.” Remy pressed a soft kiss to Roman’s cheek, “Especially for a…relationship like you had with Patton.”

Roman took a deep breath, “Ya know it still hurts…”

Remy nodded, “Your insecure days.” he answered, “I know.”

He took another slow breath, “But…ya know…” he raised his eyes to Remy’s in their reflection in the mirror, “It’s been a long time now.”

“However long it takes, is perfectly normal.”

“You sound like my brother.”

“Yeah, well, your brother’s kinda smart?”

Roman laughed softly, “But…in all seriousness.” Remy smiled gently and nodded, prompting Roman to continue. He watched as Roman slid the wedding band off his finger, flexing his fingers for the first time, “I think it’s time I take the next step.” he answered softly, “I’ve realised something.”

“Hm?”

“I’ve been holding onto this because…in many ways I was scared of what my life would look like without Patton.” he said softly, “I forgot I was already living it.” he smiled, “Why don’t you grab me those papers, huh, baby?” Remy’s eyes lit up and widened, “It’s time for our story.”

“You fucking sap!” Remy squeaked, jumping up to kiss him and Roman chuckled as he caught Remy in his arms.

“Oi! We’re gonna be late!”

Remy chuckled, “Looks like we’ll need a private ride home.” Remy hopped down, grabbing the papers and Roman let his eyes roam as he took in Remy’s dazzling, form-fitting dress that rode a little high.

“And a private box.” he winked, taking the papers from Remy and giving him a kiss, taking the letter with Patton’s ring down stairs.

Roman was ready, and although it had taken almost a year to get here…it was time to let him go. And somehow, the idea of a future wasn’t so scary.

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