Michael Clifford makes me a complete mess

The day John B found out began as a regular morning at the Routledge household. JJ was sprawled across the couch, quietly doom scrolling on his phone. John B was running around the house trying to remember where he put his keys while you hummed quietly in the kitchen, making breakfast for yourself and JJ.

You glanced over at the blonde, catching him watching you with a soft look on his face. You grinned, quick to return your attention to buttering toast as John B stormed into the living area. JJ rolled back over, continuing his doom scroll.

John B, none the wiser.

"Okay, I'll see you guys after work," John B announces, stealing a piece of buttered toast.

"Hey!" You cry. "You said you weren't hungry!"

John B shrugs, toast dangling from his mouth. You roll your eyes at your twin and make a show of grabbing another piece of bread and throwing it into the toaster.

The door slams as John B rushes out and clambers down the porch steps. Both you and JJ stay still, anticipation hanging in the air as you both wait to hear the Twinkie sputter to life.

You were always cautious, always certain that John B was far, far away before the two of you even decided to speak to each other. John B had warned JJ a very long time ago that if he even thought about his sister romantically that he wouldn't hesitate to punch him into next year.

To put it simply, you were off limits.

So, when you and JJ both started developing feelings for each other, it only felt right to keep it from your brother for as long as possible. For the past three months, it had been going just fine.

"I think he's gone," JJ says as you bring over his breakfast for him. "Thank you, pretty girl."

"Welcome," you take a seat next to him, puckering your lips for a kiss.

JJ places his plate onto the coffee table in front of him and leans in. You were only expecting a quick peck, but JJ had other plans. He easily captures your lips in a kiss, sliding a hand to your jaw to deepen it.

You break away, grinning. "You miss me or something?"

JJ chuckled softly and pulls you back for more. His next words are mumbled against your lips. "Maybe. Maybe not."

He grabs the plate from your lap and blindly places it onto the coffee table, not once breaking the kiss. With your now free hands, you slid them over his biceps.

As the kiss grows more heated and desperate, JJ slowly pushes you down onto the couch, hovering over you. You put your hands over his waist, pulling his body onto yours. Soft noises escape you both as you indulge in each other.

JJ grabs the hem of your shirt, slowly pushing it up your torso. His finger traces the bottom of your bra, hooking it under a cup before moving his hands back down to your waist, teasing you.

"What the actual fuck."

At the sound of your brother's voice, you shove JJ off you. He tumbles to the ground.

"John B-" You start.

"My sister, JJ?" John B scowls.

"It's not what it looks like, man," JJ defends, picking himself up from the floor.

"Oh, so you two weren't just making out? That was something else?"

"That's not what I mean."

You were more than a hookup to JJ. Much, much more.

"What did I tell you?" John B finally shouts, moving to shove JJ back a few steps. "What did I tell you, JJ?"

"I know, I know but hear me out, okay?" JJ pleads.

"No, JJ. I don't want to hear you out. I'm going to punch the shit out of you."

John B raises his fist but you're already beside him, pulling him back by his arm. "John B, cool it!"

John B finally looks at you with a mix of fury and disappointment. "How long?"

You glance over at JJ, unsure of your next move.

"Don't look at him. Tell me how long. I want to hear it from you."

Your voice comes out small. "Three months."

His eyes pop with a new wave of anger. "You kept this from me for three months?"

"Hey man, get angry at me. Not her," says JJ.

"JJ, I think you should go."

"John B," you say tearfully.

You get that he was pissed but sending JJ back to his dad's over this seemed a little extreme.

Your brother doesn't look back at you as he continues. "Leave, JJ."

"John B, you're being unreasonable," you say. "You can't just kick him out."

"I'm not kicking him out I just need to process this," John B clarifies. "I just need a bit of space. From both of you."

JJ glances at you, the tightness of his jaw softens at the hurt on your face. "I'll be back later, Y/N. Okay? Don't worry about me."

You watch tearfully as he grabs his phone and keys from the kitchen bench. There's a moment where you're both unsure of what was okay to say to each other. JJ stares at you, then at John B. Back to you.

"I love you," says JJ.

"I love you, too."

With that, JJ is out the door.

You watch him leave down the porch steps.

"John B, please," it comes out as a whisper. "He's your best friend."

"Exactly. I know him. I know how he treats girls. I don't want him treating you like that."

"You're being ridiculous," you say, now angry. "I'm my own person and you're not dad. You don't get to decide who can and can't date me."

John B stares at you before he pushes past you and heads back out to the Twinkie.

A soft sob escapes you as he pulls out onto the road.

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It had been three days since JJ left and he hadn't come back since. He'd occasionally messaged you, waking you up with a good morning text and sending you to sleep with a goodnight one but he was keeping you at arms length.

John B had barely been home either, spending most of his time at Sarah's or picking up extra work around town. Growing up, John B and you often fought but no fight was ever left unsolved for more than a day, let alone three.

You wanted something, anything from them. Hell, you'd take another screaming match before another minute of this radio silence. JJ and John B were meant to be a two-for-one deal. It hadn't been one without the other for a long time.

"We are getting you out of the house tonight, girl" Kiara says as she lets herself into the Chateau with a six pack of beer. "No more being mopey."

Kiara had been the one person to actually stick around, listening to everything after you told her about you and JJ.

"What if one of them comes back?" you protest, groaning as Kie took your ankle and tried to drag you off the couch.

"I guarantee you that they'll be at the Boneyard tonight. John B has been hanging for a drink," Kiara reasons.

"You've talked to him." Kiara nods. "Is he okay?"

"He's fine. A little distant but fine." Kiara throws you a can. "Drinks on me tonight, okay?"

That was enough to convince you.

So the two of your finish the six pack together and get ready for the party. You change out of the pyjamas you've been exclusively wearing and into something cute.

When you arrive to the Boneyard, you try hard to not go instantly searching for your brother or JJ. Instead, you stick by Kiara to talk to a few friends from school.

The conversation happens around you while you search the growing crowd of people for any sight of the boys. It seems as though they were the only two people on the Island not currently present.

Defeated, you try to force yourself to engage with Kie and your friends. Laughing when somebody made a joke, chiming in when a topic concerned you. Trying to ignore the hole forming in your stomach.

Then you saw him. JJ. As though appearing out of nowhere. He was holding a red solo cup under the keg, pouring himself a beer and talking with a few others.

You watched him for a few minutes. He seemed fine. Happy. Completely okay without you. As you debated on walking up to him, a girl beat you to it.

A pretty girl.

JJ greets her warmly, quick to grab a fresh cup and pour her a cup of beer. They laugh together. She stands too close and you realise the reason why JJ had maybe pulled away from you.

You weren't worth it.

Maybe your brother had been right.

You weren't worth the heat from John B. You weren't worth giving up his previous lifestyle for. You weren't enough to keep JJ entertained. You weren't enough.

Tears burned your eyes as you abruptly stood up. "I'm sorry, excuse me."

Kiara called after you but her cries fell on deaf ears.

You kept walking. You walked and walked until you found the front porch steps of the Chateau.

You planted yourself on the bottom step and let yourself cry, the emotional build up of the past few days finally getting its release.

"Baby," a voice called softly from in front of you. JJ.

You don't look up, unable to face him in your state.

"Baby, what's wrong?" JJ asks, kneeling down in front of you. He takes your wrists gently, prying them away from your tear-stained face. His eyes, lit with concern, meet yours, "Kie told me you ran off crying."

You struggle to find your words at first because to be honest, you weren't really sure where to start. You were upset about a lot of things. You were upset with him.

So you swallow hard and find the courage to tell him the truth.

"It's been a really hard few days and I needed you. You barely texted, you didn't call, you didn't ask how I was. Then I show up at this party and see you talking with some other girl like you've already forgotten about me."

JJ takes this in. He nods, gaze never straying from yours.

You lower your voice into a breathy whisper, "Do you not want me anymore?"

JJ's eyebrows furrow and he grabs your face with both hands, "Oh my god. Of course I want you, Y/N. You are the best goddamn thing that has ever happened to me. I mean that. I'm sorry, I've been a dick. To be honest, I thought that maybe I had screwed everything up and I was scared to face it all. I was terrified that I'd lost you and John B. I didn't really know how to handle this."

Fresh tears spring to your eyes but they're not tears of hurt but relief.

"I thought I lost you, Jay," you cry.

"God, no," JJ says, voice thick with emotion. "Y/N, I love you so much. I'm pretty sure I haven't ever loved anyone the way I love you. I'm never leaving you. Not for some random girl, not because your brother doesn't think I'm good enough, not for anything. You're my girl."

JJ then closes the distance between you, his lips press against your gently at first. The kiss is slow, apologetic and passionate. You tilt your head, allowing it to deepen. It becomes desperate, so all encompassing that neither of you hear the creak of the floorboards inside.

JJ pulls away, "From now on, we're going to get through this together, okay?"

"Okay." You agree.

"Do you want some water? Tissues?"

You nod and JJ springs up the steps, opening the front door, "Be right back..."

Standing in the middle of the kitchen is John B.

JJ says his name quietly, it hangs in the air between them.

"Not gonna lie, I still really want to hit you," says John B.

"Fair."

"You really love her, don't you?"

"Yeah. I do."

"Listen, I'm sorry about how I acted before but I was pissed. Really fucking pissed," he pauses, looks at you. "Mostly, I was so angry because I was scared. The last thing I want to do is lose my best friend because, yeah, I will pick my sister every time."

JJ nods, "Yeah, I get it. We should have told you sooner."

"To be honest, I don't really blame either of you. I mean, look at how I reacted." They both laugh half-heartedly before falling into an uncertain silence. Where to go from here? "I still don't like that you kept it a secret from me. That was a shitty thing to do. All I ask is that you take care of her, Jay."

"Of course," JJ agrees instantly. "I would never hurt her."

"You're a good person, Jay. Don't fuck it up."