Not All Who Wander Are Lost

like imagine you’re some small town nobody who went to high school with this chubby, awkward girl that no one paid attention to except maybe to make fun of her or push her around. The only thing you really remember about her is that she brought her button collection to third grade show and tell and the cool kids bullied her about it for like a month. Smart, real quiet, but just an all around weird girl. Married her nerdy AV club boyfriend and had a kid right of of high school, but you’re small town folk, and that’s what you do, so w/e

a few years later, you find out she was murdered. Sad, definitely shocking, but at the end of the day you didn’t really know her all that well. You give your condolences to her parents, maybe bring over a casserole to her grieving widower, but you and the town collectively move on. The most you hear about the brenattos for the next year is that yeza snagged some big time government contract, which is a little weird for a small town chemist, but hey maybe there was something to veth’s nerdy AV club boyfriend after all.

then out of nowhere, the Russians™ airdrop into your podunk little town, torch some buildings, kidnap yeza brenatto of all people, and peace out. Easily the wildest thing that’s ever happened in this shithole, cause what the fuck. What the fuck was yeza working on?

then a couple of weeks later, dead-for-a-year, button collecting, squirrely little professional doormat veth brenatto shows up, not only alive, but with SEAL team fucking 6 at her side and an AK-47 strapped to her back. What the fuck. Every single one of them looks like they could kill you in 10 different ways, and you can tell at a glance that veth has seen some shit. What the fuck. Her and her hypercompetent looking friends announce they’re chasing after the Russians on foot and leave. What the fuck.

you never see veth or her friends again, but last you heard she’s doing black ops wet work for either the government or the russians. Depends on who you ask. She might or might not have helped broker peace between them. Also old edith wrote and the brenattos are living in Sicily and are millionaires now

STOP-

All the episodes of Galavant are on the Internet Archive!

illustrations by edward miller for subterranean press edition of gideon the ninth by tamsyn muir

illustrations by edward miller for subterranean press edition of harrow the ninth by tamsyn muir