I am tired; I am salty; I require *silence*.

elvis died because it wasnt getting enough fiber

ive never fucked up someones pronouns this badly before, sorry

humiliating to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person. I thought I was a more sensitive and refined pervert than this

wallace was right when he took himself and his gay little dog to the moon on account of maybe cheese was there

The dinosaur’s name is Jerry

"you'll pay for this" - me as a cashier

I've been calling myself an ipad baby ever since i got my android tablet but ive also been using ipad baby as a verb like. im going to go ipad baby now. and today i said something that revealed i also conceptualize ipad baby as the tablet itself like. im using the ipad baby right now. so ipad baby is basically a very versatile term for me these days

i think when u clean your house it should stay clean forever. what do u mean i have to do it again

i eat your grandads clothes

Macklemoth

i love not talking #theobserver

i want freedom i want freedom i want freedom *is granted freedom* noooooo my attachments

Hello bisexual community

Begin killing

A BIRD POOPED ON MY HEAD ON THE WAY TO WORK.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THE BIRD WAS ON THE WAY TO WORK?

DONT MAKE ME ANGRIER THAN I AM