S Cubed

Shoo! Shoo!

You're ruining my soup!

Any wizards need powerful anti-skeleton scrolls!??!

Greater De-Ossification!

Assignment Designation: The Merchant of Undeath

Objective: Establish contact with local munitions manufacturer, @ratazom , to strengthen supply lines for the war effort.

Potential Gains: Forbidden arcane weaponry the likes of which Wizard Geneva has never seen. Word has it he may even have a scroll of Banish 5th Gallbladder.

Target: Find out what keeps happening to our troops. They disappear at random and end up having to leg it back to base for seemingly no reason.

Result: There's apparently this magical cat that's been practicing summoning skeletons. Not malicious (at least, not to us) but very, very cute. Caution is advised.

Cost: 4 doubloons

Target: a powerful skeleton warrior to add to the skeleton army

Medium for Implementation: @contemptible-scoundrel found a scroll on sale at the market saying that if you possess the scroll and call out your target, it will appear before you. Haven't seen it work so far, but we'll keep trying. Expense report for the scroll to follow.

It was ME trying to get rid of all these lesbians, but alas...

HOW DARE!! I AM SURE I CAN TAKE ONE DOG- WAIT, WAIT, WHY IS HE NOT STOPPING?! NO, NOOOOOOOOO-

Type: Food/Combat Equipment

Items:

Throwing tomato (checked this box by mistake out of habit, please disregard)

Bag of Happy Pupper doggie treats (x1)

Justification: Agent @that-one-gay-bitch was attached by a rookie wizard. Wizard summoned a dog hungry for bones to chew on. Needed doggie treats for rescue operation (report to follow).

Deadline: Sept-30-23:59

Objective: Finalize preparations for upcoming push on the warfront. Secure supply lines and take inventory of rations and munitions.

Supplies Needed: Enchanted musical instruments, cursed weaponry, pranking equipment, moss (to put in peoples' socks), kerosene, strike-anywhere matches, and milk - all in as large quantities as we can manage.

Justification: Why do we even still have this section? We run the same mission with the same parameters every year and copy paste everything from the old report. It's ridiculous!

Just because we barge into your homes, steal all your milk, and put moss in your socks does not mean you should get rid of us.

Status: Ongoing

Mission Summary: We dug a really big hole in the dirt. It's pretty deep so anyone who gets stuck down there probably isn't getting out until we want them to. The sides are covered in that Slickly Sticky Slime stuff that Elos accidentally made, so nobody can climb out the old fashioned way. Hole is covered by an illusion of normal dirt ground projected by the Illusionator Mk. 32.3333 (repeating, of course).

Purpose: Damos made it while drunk on Condensed Milk. He said it's the perfect plan to "make it happen". He didn't specify what "it" is and he can't remember now that he's sober.

~AN

Who cursed me? Why the original "The Wizard Council" cursed me. It's been eons but it was quite a to-do, and of course, I am still bound to do the bidding of "The Wizard Council" even if the terms are functionally ambiguous now.