Crazy Like Charlie Sheen, but Without the Drugs.

“[Vanessa Jackson] admitted to police that she intentionally set him on fire because shooting him would have been ‘too nice’.”

a true american hero

I curse the rains down in africa

you cant do that

there’s nothing that a hundred men or more could do to stop me

Do you wanna hear one of the funniest fucken stories?

Pls do tell

So in my town there is this emo satanist community and at some point a really influential emo dude called Raven lived here. Like every emo in Romania knew him because he was somehow the edgiest of them all. He was also a gigantic incel, but still tried to flirt with every goth girl on sight. At some point when he was in his last year of high school, before leaving for college, he tried to hit on an 11 yo girl(gross). It made her rlly uncomfortable. What Raven didn’t know was that this girl’s cousin was the strongest dude in town-2 meters tall, super bulky, literally looked like a mountain. So the girl told her buff cousin what Raven looked like, and one time, while Buff guy was at work, he spotted Raven. Now, funny enough, Buff Guy worked at a children’s playground, and he was dressed up as a clown that day. So he just walked up to Raven, patted him on the shoulder and asked: “Have you ever been beaten up by a clown?” and Raven said, “N-no”. To which Buff Guy replied :“It’s fine. Because you will be.”

there is no possible way to predict the many directions this post took

this sounds like it was written by hermione granger at 1 am

He tried to use an advanced death magic spell to kill a baby. He literally doesn’t know how to do anything without magic. Just drop it out a window my dude, babies are so delicate

Aaand that was Ron

to be fair, it was a magic baby. what if he’d bounced, huh? who’d look like the fool then

Neville bounced when dropped out of a two story window by his uncle, so that would have been totally possible

i love pandas

these boys ain’t right

this is my grasp of how football works: two teams of men want the ball very badly but are incapable of sharing it. one team attempts to deliver the ball to their holy ground while the other attempts to prevent this. occasionally an evil man will appear and speak curses to the men, causing them grief and dishonor

I mean… yeah

Wow I love Gerard Way so much I did not know

and his comic books have strong women characters in functional clothes and they aren’t sexualized I love him

thank you russian spy nevaehtyler

lmao on the edinburgh zoo site it says “there is a daily penguin parade at 14:15 but it may be cancelled last minute as it is a voulntary parade, we do not coax the penguins with food, and they may not want to go out” lmao anarchopenguinism

this is the cutest goddamn thing i’ve ever heard

can I volunteer to be a penguin

I love everything about this post.

If I fail to reblog this it is because I am dead. 

*sees dog* nice *sees dog wearing a bandana around its neck* nice

does anyone else randomly think about that show Kyle XY, ive very literally never watched an episode but like the only thing i remember is that he didnt have a belly button, and like thats it, thats all i know but thats all i randomly think about….at like random intervals during the year

ehh what the hell

I need to believe in the heart of the post…

Oh? Well… *reblag*

i reblogged this and now my uncle is giving me 250 to dye my hair nani the fucko

I have nothing to lose

my palm was itchin today not riskin it

I always reblog the money posts cause I can’t afford not too lol

It works. I just got $300 for no reason.

Money dog is my friend

Money dog is the shit

I believe in the money dog😀

I believe in the money 🐶

Bless me pls money pup 🙏🐕

Pplease😭🙏🏽

Doing this again because last time I reblogged this I got $50

can’t not reblog the money dog

Someone handed me 20 bucks today to donate to charity!

I’m always so skeptical about these things but also desperate so why not

The way my bank account about to look after I pay rent…I ain’t got shit to lose🤧

SOOOOO REAL SHIT I GOT THE JOB I APPLIED FOR YESTERDAY‼️ THE MONEY DOG IS REAL BABYYY 😭

american but amerishouldn’t

Can this be our foreign policy from now on

love

seriously the best ever.

This was actually my childhood. 

Wish they had these I high school