Denial Permanente

My husband and I are in our early 50s. We have a good marriage and our sex life was fun. We tried all those bondage and dressing up things, and my husband bought a few different cock cages. And that's how the weird "be careful what you wish for" things started lol.

Last year he wanted to do Loctober. But I was never a fan of keeping him locked up for more than a few days. Even though coming from PIV was hit or miss for me, I did like to feel connected to him. But worse, he bought this huge Vixskin Cash and told me that going for a month would be fine because he would just wear that. I was so angry! First he spent like $150 without even talking to me about it. Second, the toy he bought is huge - like a monster! I was so upset that I barely talked to him for a week.

I left him locked but by the end of the week I cooled off enough and curiousity got the better of me. I asked him to put on the Vixskin so we could try it out. It didn't hurt but it was a bit uncomfortable, probably because I had never been stretched like that in my life. I used a lot of lube and made him go very slowly. I didn't orgasm then but it made me excited enough to want to try it again a few days later... and I had a deep and satisfying orgasm. So that weekend I made him wear it a few more times and each time seemed better than the last.

I was still mad at my husband for buying this expensive toy and just assuming that I would just do Loctober for him, but I was also enjoying myself. Not only did he spend the rest of the month locked I made him go almost all of November just to teach him a lesson.

And here's where things took a "be careful what you wish for" turn. A few days after Thanksgiving, we were using my new boyfriend (as I had taken to call it lol), I unlocked him and told him his sentence was over and that he could have a turn. It was a disappointing experience because I couldn't even feel him inside me. Worse, he was so sensitive that he finished in less than two minutes! We talked about how two months was probably too long but I asked him to lock back up again and that we would try again in a few days.

A few days later I unlocked him and we made love and while I could feel him, I didn't get excited enough to orgasm. He finished feeling a little disappointed. I teasingly suggested that he put on his harness and use my new boyfriend, which he did and gave me an orgasm. We cuddled for a bit and I told him to put his cage back on. I could sense that he was disappointed but he just kept quiet.

Since then, we have made love about two or sometimes three times a week. I have him wear my new Vixskin boyfriend, since that seems to be the only way I can regularly orgasm now. Once a week, I allow him to unlock and to have me after I'm finished. He comes quickly, and I make him lock back up right away. I learned that from reading your blog!

So now it has been a couple of months like this and my husband is starting to freak out that I am enjoying the new Vixskin boyfriend "too much" and that he no longer gives me pleasure. He has asked if I would consider not using the boyfriend for a while, but I told him that now that I'm used to it, it is really working out better for me, and besides, it was his idea in the first place. I have also told him that the few times I allowed him to finish in me before wearing the boyfriend that he doesn't seem as excited, so that's why I make sure that he takes care of me first.

I want to assure you that we have an otherwise strong marriage. I am enjoying the power and control that I have over him now, which I hadn't expected. Also, while I thought that I would miss feeling "him" inside me, I'm finding that I'm oddly okay with the "boyfriend" experience and that allowing him an orgasm is enough to make me feel connected. And this past weekend I did not allow him inside me, but finished him with my hands instead. And now I'm freaking out myself that I might be okay with NP 😂😂😂

Obviously we are going to have to work some things out, but as I told you privately, this started out like I felt like I needed to teach him a lesson, and now we appear to be headed to a NP (no penetration) relationship.

Thank you for allowing me to tell my story. Maybe some of your readers will have some insights.

💜 Tina

Hi Tina! Thank you for sharing your story with me. It amazes me that just a few years ago I never even heard about marriages like mine, and now I'm hearing from all these women who are enjoying some aspect of this... locked or denied or "no penetration." While I never considered what my husband and I do to be "No penetration," I guess we really are... or at least I guess he is! 😅

You messaged me privately about this, but I'm just going to mention that I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. First, it's normal to feel a little guilty at first about denying your husband, and especially in such an extreme way. We all have this expectation that there should be sex in our marriage, but I think that most women grow up thinking that sex just means penis, vagina, and intercourse. It sounds like you and your husband are having a lot of sex - just not the PIV kind... or at least not his P... and that you have a close relationship. In my opinion that already puts you ahead of most couples. A lot of the women that I have chatted with on here become more comfortable with this the longer it goes on.

And I think it's also normal to have mixed feelings about enjoying his "replacement"... especially if it's much larger than he is. You told me that it really caught you by surprise at how much you enjoyed it, and that you feel badly because you think your husband feels that he can't measure up to that. You are right of course... I looked it up and the Cash is huge! Of course he can't measure up to that. But when you think about it, it's kind of like not being able to measure up to a vibrator... our husbands are not machines. You wouldn't feel guilty that he couldn't vibrate like a magic wand.

But I think it's also important for the both of you to remember that it's him using it. That's what keeps me grounded in our relationship... my husband is wearing the Ranger for me, it's his body, his touch, his smell, his moaning. And I know in my heart that what he really, really wants is to give me the most pleasure possible... so even though he knows that the Ranger is bigger, he just mentally deals with it because he knows that it's what I want. I do not want my husband to feel demeaned or humiliated, I want him to feel strong and capable and appreciated that he is making that kind of sacrifice for me.

I think that your husband maybe didn't quite imagine the effect that your new "boyfriend" would have (men usually don't think with their big brains about this kind of stuff), and is suddenly being faced with what the future of your... or at least his... sex life would look like in the future and it's freaking him out. It's okay, though... this is new for both of you. And you don't have to make a decision right now to make this a "no penetration" marriage. In fact, you're in charge so you can change your mind whenever you want. Obviously you will need to talk things over with him, but from what you've told me he sounds like he wants to be a good husband for you and would go along with what you want.

Thank you again for writing it all out, and I wish you the best of luck with this. Please let me know how you are doing.