I have been nothing but elusive and difficult to you and this is how you treat me

hate to break it to dan but phil Has to start each sentence with Look or Here's The Thing bc otherwise dan will never notice that he's trying to speak

yoy all just hate me because I'm cold and distant and don't put effort into any relationships and off putting and frustrating to try to help or make plans with and I don't text and I don't call and I don't like doing much and I constantly make excuses for it all

phil i don't think you have a stronger gaydar as much as you're just hyper aware of everyone flirting with your boyfriend

the funniest thing about jealous dan is that he truly has nothing to be jealous about. phil took one look at him 16 years ago and did a generational lock in, he locked in so hard he went back into the closet, phil was watching that nerd play ddr and was actively falling in love with him

Dan actually could fight a leopard, but only after Phil flirts with it

phil saying he’s not put anything weird in his butt. so you admit you’ve put normal things up there? okay slay

sorry i can't get over them trying to make a big deal out of dan having like one drink with someone 16+ years ago. gosh yeah guys, dan and phil almost didn't happen! dan went out with a guy once and couldn't stand him. please think he's cool and well versed in the dating scene please please please please pl

funniest part of the podcast ep is when phil was like “we were on a bunkbed together in my parents house” and dan was like shut the fuck up phils taking the piss. anyway we were on a bunkbed together at phils parents house.

phil's "YOU WOULD NOT GET MARRIED AT ALL, EVER" outburst said with the conviction of a man denied sixteen years of tax breaks