Nat

It has come to my attention that I forgot about dead

idk obviously dying is pretty bad but by the time youre found dead its not really your problem

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

the role of the person in the passenger seat is not only navigator but secretary as well. you have to type up the drivers messages to random ladies on facebook about cbd cream & google whether that billy joel song was the theme song for that show or not

you also have to provide a henchmans disdainful scowl at whoever the driver is flipping off in the target parking lot

You should never forget the Tommy Gun

World Heritage Post

How do you know you're not Asexual? Maybe you just haven't met the right nobody.

This "allosexuality" thing is just a phase. You just need to have really bad sex, and then maybe you'll change your mind.

sorry I can’t hang out tonight. yeah I’m busy freaking out over things that might not even happen. yeah it’s gonna take a while

you’re one of the three survivors after the apocalypse & the other two are visibly passing one of theirs’ phones back & forth having a secret conversation in a notes app

do not keep putting those two unfunny autistic faggots on my dash

you guys do realise walking doesn't actually move you anywhere right? it just destroys you entirely and places a perfect copy of you right in front of where you were standing

i think avoiding everything is going to save me for real this time

I was initially planning on being a casual fan, but then I thought, why not just let it consume my soul instead? 

Was not expecting this many of you to resonate with Millennium Death Plinko

Possibly the most accurate and concise summary of evolution I've ever seen.

one of the funnier incidents of me assuming someone knew a meme irl was when a new coworker was talking about some woman who got arrested for tax fraud and I went "God forbid women do anything" and he got scared and thought I was accusing him of being sexist, so he started apologizing and saying how tax fraud isn't even bad, actually.