I'm Not Normal About That

They all frequently featured hot, naked guys with accents who made out. Gaspard Ulliel, Louis Garrel, Pierre Perrier, Daniel Bruhl, David Kross, Diego Luna, Gael Garcia Bernal, Henry Cavill, Charlie Hunnam...

clawed up | shane’s version

my art tag

alt versions under the cut!

He is rooting for his nemesis

✨Vote Doof ✨ for Tumblr Sexyman 2026

Basically them

Some AAVE speakers pluralize 'child' as 'childrens'. People get racist about this ("It's already plural!"), but 'children' actually comes from Middle English speakers doing the same thing: slapping their plural marker on word already pluralized by an extinct plural marker.

To oversimplify: in Old English, 'childer' ('ċildra') was the plural of 'child' ('ċild'). Middle English developed an '-en' plural marker, which we see in 'oxen'. Instead of updating to 'childen', people slapped their preferred '-en' onto the end of 'childer' - so now we have 'child-er-en'. AAVE carries on this tradition with 'child-er-en-s'.

"Pure" language is just impurity obscured by the passage of time.

Ilya's not just good he's generational. Both he and Shane are supposed to be SO absurdly good compared to the rest of the league that they can drag their teams to cups with ~3-4 years after signing. They're not fucking Tavares man they're like Crosby and Ovechkin but better because fiction.

Anyway a guy like that, moving to a team he has no connection to, in a city that's not appealing for any obvious reason, that he seemingly has never even visited other than for game nights? And he's not explaining why? It's not TJ going back home, it's Rozanov going to a random fuck off city in Canada.

So yeah, no, I legitimately think people would actually wonder if it's some kind of mental break. Like he just couldn't handle the pressure in Boston and picked the worst team in the league deliberately to take himself out of contention for future cups.

I don't even think people would assume he had a partner in Ottawa because literally unless he was dating fucking Justin Trudeau or some other high ranking Canadian government official why wouldn't they just move to Boston, or why wouldn't he just split his time, he has the money to charter flights, like it makes no sense.

Of course, Justin Trudeau (the Canadian PM in 2018 when Ilya moved to Ottawa, no longer our PM) was married at the time. He’s divorced now, and dating…Katy Perry. But yeah, Ilya having a secret affair with the married Canadian Prime Minister is as good a theory as any. For people bewildered by Ilya’s outwardly inexplicable actions.

And the “mental health crisis” narrative for him leaving Boston will become even stronger after the Irina Foundation press conference in November 2018. If his mother had such bad mental health struggles she took her own life when Ilya was twelve, he might have the same problems.

Also, I bet it comes out that Ilya’s contract with Ottawa was contingent on Ottawa getting him permanent residency in Canada via a labour market impact assessment (LMIA). So why is Rozanov so desperate for a Canadian passport he’s willing to tank his career over it?

I suspect a lot of hockey Twitter will think Ilya pissed Vladimir Putin off by sleeping with one of his daughters. And that’s why he wants to be Canadian. It won’t have escaped anyone’s notice that he’s barely gone back to Russia since his father’s funeral in February 2017.

warning: blood, and Grace frying the ever-loving heck out of his arm

Yuna Hollander does not hesitate to scoop that charitable opportunity up.

They get their 12 players, one for each month. Shane gets his birth month, May. The tagline on top of his photo is: "I may be a two-time Stanley Cup winner, but I still get checked regularly for early onset heart disease."

During the following preseason, Ilya walks in on the Bears howling with laughter about something. Never one to be left out, Ilya demands to know what's so funny. He's passed a Heartthrob Against Heart Disease 2018-2019 calendar and joins in on the laughter as he flips through these idiots. That is, until he gets to May.

Shane is on the ice, a hockey stick slotted across his broad shoulders, arms draped over it. He's shirtless, only wearing gloves and his baggy hockey pants, ridden down on one side to show off the top of his underwear and the deep V just above his hips. They must have had him do pushups because his abs are more defined than usual, deep cuts across his stomach shimmering with a thin layer of sweat. His hair was messed up, like someone had run their hands through it. He was looking directly at the camera, a little smirk on his face like he knew exactly what he was doing. His biceps...

The calendar was snatched from him, which was probably a good thing, if the saliva pooling in his mouth and the tightness of his pants were anything to go by.

Abusers and creeps are not some species of especially heinous animal or alien or monster wearing the face of a human. They're people. And you NEED to drill it into your head that they are people because you NEED to remember that people are capable of doingn heinous shit. And you are a person. And your loved ones are people.

And about Ilya feeling freer to express his naturally flamboyant bisexual tendencies now they’ve actually talked about their respective sexual identities at long last.

And adding peer review from @reduced-lux

And more peer review from @homoeroticcigarette

Ilya absolutely needs to queen out! Once they’ve both been outed, I devoutly hope Harris starts making Hollanov go to the occasional drag brunch with him and Troy and Harris’s non-hockey friends. So Ilya and Shane can connect with the queer culture they’ve both spent thirty years hiding from.