I'm Not Normal About That

45 questions; please reblog and ask each other questions! Let’s be social and have a fun time!

(If there’s a question listed that you prefer not to answer then reblog in the tags “don’t ask me number” if u want to)

What does your username mean?

How did you first hear about Heated Rivalry?

What were you a fan of first? Book or show? (Or fanfic??)

Have you read any of the books? What’s your favorite?

Are you a fan of romance books in general?

Are you a fan of sports fiction in general?

Had you seen any of the cast/crew’s works prior to Heated Rivalry?

Had you ever watched any Canadian shows prior to Heated Rivalry?

Do you like hockey irl? Do you have a favorite team? Have you ever been to a game?

Have you ever ice skated, roller skated or played hockey?

Have you ever been to Canada or Russia?

Do you speak another language?

Favorite character (besides Shane or Ilya)?

Favorite female character?

Favorite ship (besides Hollanov)?

A favorite Hollanov moment?

A favorite Skip (Scott/Kip) moment?

A favorite Ilya quote?

A favorite Shane quote?

A favorite Shane (non-Hollanov) moment?

A favorite Ilya (non-Hollanov) moment?

Favorite song from season 1?

Favorite place/setting from season 1?

A favorite outfit from season 1?

Underrated moment from season 1?

Favorite Hudson quote/moment?

Favorite Connor quote/moment?

Rec a fanfic! Or fan edit! Or fanart! Or fan artist!

You have to buy coffee for 1 Heated Rivalry character, who are you buying for and what are you bringing them?

What song should the arena play when Ilya scores a goal?

What song should the arena play when Shane scores a goal?

What song should the arena play when Hayden scores a goal?

What song should the arena play when Marly scores a goal?

What song should the arena play when JJ scores a goal?

What song should the arena play when Scott scores a goal?

Favorite AU for these here characters?

Favorite headcanon?

Which character is most likely to have a secret tumblr blog?

Do you have a fan-cast for any characters not seen in season 1? (Ilya’s mom, Troy, Ryan, Luca, Farah etc)

A band/artist/song you want to be featured in season 2?

What would YOU name the MLH Ottawa team?

What colors do YOU think the MLH Ottawa team should sport?

Biggest wish for season 2?

What color is Shane’s Dildo?

yeah, i feel like david doesn't especially care about snakes one way or another (not really afraid of them but also doesn't have any real affinity for them), BUT he

a. loves his boy

b. loves being affectionately annoying to his beloved wife

and being SUPER pro snake when the topic comes up accomplishes both of those goals at the same time.

"Is Shane okay?" Was Yuna's first question.

"Yes," David was quick to reassure her. "He's fine. He's great."

"David," Yuna said worriedly, hand on his bicep. "Is Shane okay?"

"He really is. I promise, sweetheart. I would tell you if he wasn't," David promised her because he would. "But I - he was - he's probably going to be headed over here soon."

"Why?" Yuna started to get more worried, despite her husband's reassurances. "David, what happened? Did you two fight?"

David did interrupt his silent retreat but Yuna couldn't imagine Shane getting into a fight with his father over that.

"No," David caught her eyes. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Then please don't ask. I saw something I shouldn't have and I - I want it to be Shane's choice if he tells us. I promise you he's safe. We didn't fight. He's - he might be upset with me, but he's okay."

Yuna searched his face for another moment before she slowly nodded.

She had an idea of what David might have seen.

She had considered that Shane's 'silent retreat' might not be the complete truth. She also recognized how upset her husband was at unintentionally learning something about their boy that he wasn't ready to share.

"Okay," Yuna pulled him in for a hug. "I'll make some tea."

"I feel so horrible."

"Shane loves you, he'll understand," Yuna said.

"I hope so," David pulled back. "I can make the tea. Shane will probably want some if he comes over."

He used to make Shane hot chocolate after nightmares, or doctor visits, or difficult practices. When he was a teenager, he started asking for tea instead.

Yuna, sensing David needed something to do, said, "use the new one my aunt sent us. It takes a little longer but I think Shane will like it."

~*~*~

"So, what did you see," Yuna asked her husband as they watched their son and his boyfriend, Ilya Rozanov, drive away.

"I wondered how long it would take for you to ask," David smiled.

"Hush you," Yuna glared. "Like you wouldn't be curious. Unless, god, did you walk in on-"

"No," David stopped her. "They were just walking up from the dock. I would have left but when I noticed it was Rozanov - or Ilya, I mean - I was just frozen there."

"Then how did you know they were, you know, together?"

"Well they kissed on the porch," David winced. "And Ilya..."

"Ilya what?"

"He, uh, had his hand on Shane's…bottom."

Yuna and David stared at each other for a few seconds before Yuna couldn't take it anymore, smile spreading across her face and burst out laughing, hand gripping her husband’s shirt to hold herself up.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Yuna laughed out.

"Yuna!" David admonished but he was laughing too. He reached out to steady her. "It's not funny!"

"When you put it that - that way!" Yuna tried to gather herself. "Ilya Rozanov. Ilya Rozanov. I can't believe it."

"He's a sweet kid," David was still smiling, thinking about Ilya standing awkwardly by his son, happily eating pasta, saying he'd leave the team that drafted him for their Shane.

Yuna softened. "He really is. He looks so much younger in person."

Based off this post by @7-inches-of-satanic-panic

but can we talk about how she and david were probably feeling about being two of the people in his life who contributed constantly to the ‘ilya is the worst / he’s an asshole / we hate him’ thing. like EVERYONE in shane’s life, since BEFORE they even got drafted, has been pitting them against each other. they were branded as rivals and the league latched onto that and pushed it hard as a selling point immediately. these kids hadn’t even played for the MLH teams yet and they already had a reputation to uphold when it came to how they publicly interacted.

and from that moment on, everyone in shane’s life - whether that’s the people who know him best (his parents) or the people he spends a lot of time with but knows very casually (his teammates, other hockey players) or people who are just fans - SO MANY PEOPLE hated ilya on his behalf. they fed into the rivalry and talked it up to shane and in front of shane because they thought that’s what he felt and what he wanted from them.

and yuna and david HAVE to be thinking about the fact that her son has been in love with this man since 2010 (even though he doesn’t seem to realize they loved each other from the start) and he hasn’t had anyone he could talk to about it, AND EVEN WORSE THAN THAT HE’S HAD TO LISTEN TO EVERYONE TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY HATE HIM AND HOW TERRIBLE HE IS THAT ENTIRE TIME. and shane just had to nod his head and agree with it and take it.

and THAT has to be breaking their hearts.

because even though suspected he might be gay and they know now how terrified he was to come out to them about it, he HAD to be spiraling about the fact that even if they were cool with him being gay and supportive about it - how would they feel about ilya? how would they truly feel about someone they’d actively been telling their son they hate for like a decade? he didn’t even hesitate to tell them that he loved ilya. that he was the only person he’d ever been in love with. and he had to have been so scared that he found the love of his life - who he had been so scared to admit to loving, and so scared to let himself have and now so scared he was going to lose - and he genuinely wasn’t sure if his parents would be able to see past all of the rivalry bullshit that was only true on a surface level. he enjoyed the hell out of competing against ilya, obviously. and he was an asshole, obviously. but he didn’t hate him.

and after yuna and david spend like a few hours at most observing them at the dinner table they know that. it’s so obvious that they’re in love and have been for a long time. and they have to feel awful about missing it.

Fans of professional sports are insane in real life, and I’m sure they’re no better in the HR universe. It’s not unheard of for elite professional athletes to get death threats when they decide to accept a job offer elsewhere. In real life! Usually from fans they’ve never actually met.

In-universe, the league has been raking in money stoking the Hollander vs Rozanov rivalry ever since both of them were just barely old enough to vote. According to the fanwiki, Shane was born May 1991 and Ilya June 1991. Their draft was June 2009, so Ilya may literally have not been quite old enough to vote. Not that I think voting matters much in Russia, but I’m sure you get my point.

Shane said to Rose that when he was 8, it was a few years before the scouts showed up. So canonically he was 10, maybe 11 at the oldest, when he started getting scouted. I’m sure it was the same for Ilya. Probably worse, because I suspect youth sports in Russia are less regulated than in Canada. Adults swarming around pre-pubescent children like Shane and Ilya trying to make money off them.

Yes, elite athletes in popular team sports make a lot of money. At least until they get too old or have a career-ending injury. But there’s an awful lot of other money floating around in pro sports as well. That goes to the team shareholders, the league, the agents. Betting agencies in places where gambling is legal, organized crime where it’s illegal. Also to brands which sponsor athletes and dictate their public image.

And sports media is a huge part of the news media. And usually far more lucrative than traditional journalism. There’s a whole legacy media and new media ecosystem feeding off athletes, teams, and crazy fan antics. Mining everything for content that can be monetized.

Look at the broadcast when Ilya and Shane are only 17 and competing in junior hockey. They’re already famous and already have public personas the broadcasters are helping along. Even though they can’t vote yet and haven’t finished high school.

Fans go nuts over sports, and the league, the media and everyone else who’s profiting encourage them to do so. Hollander vs Rozanov is fun for fans and good for business. Sports is entertainment and the humans in it are just part of the show.

Getting back to the OP’s original point, though. I think one of the reasons Yuna and David come around so fast about Shane and Ilya’s relationship is because they are remembering all the times over the years that they shit talked Ilya. Thinking they were supporting their son, when in fact they were shit-talking the guy their son had been involved with since he was a literal teenager.

i love the idea that david and yuna wanted shane to have SOME kind of something outside of hockey so decided on a pet, and of course. of COURSE. of course he would choose. a snake. an albino corn snake that yuna SWEARS is looking into her soul.

yuna in the petstore trying SO HARD to be supportive because this is the first time he's showed interest in something beyond hockey for literal years and she wants a well-rounded child...but hoNEY WHAT IF WE LOOK AT THE HAMSTERS AGAIN JUST A QUICK LOOK MAYBE-

his name is spaghetti. shane tried to just name him snake but the (well-meaning) checkout person said a pet needs a "real name," and well *shrug* looks like spaghetti.

yuna kept it together while shane was home, but david more than once heard the "UGHAHDSHDGSHA" freakout noise coming from shane's room when yuna was TRYING to make peace with the snake being in there but just COULDN'T. okay. she is a loving mother. she loves her child. she wants him to be happy.

...BUT THERE IS ALSO NOW A SNAKE IN HER HOME. JUST LIVING THERE. WHERE SHE SLEEPS. JUST. IN HIS TANK AND SNAKING IT UP.

and the idea of ilya arguing with a bunny is KILLING ME. i'm imagining like. a big ass. french lop. so it follows him around like a small dog and thumps tf out of the floor when ilya DARES open up the fridge and not pay The Blueberry Tax. her name is bunnard. (turning out to be a girl did not save her from her name). bunnard free roams the house and has yet to learn not to binky on hardwood so she regularly gets excited and you hear a *tap* *THWUMP* *embarassed skitter*.

the idea of shane having a separate small fridge in the garage where he keeps frozen mice for spaghetti, but this means when ilya asks about it in passing while shane is looking for water shoes, he's distracted and just goes, "oh, drinks and spaghetti" and ilya just ??? you have?? freezer just for pasta????? actually no this sounds like a Rule you would make yeah sure why not.

Spaghetti is all curled up and a little stressed out, since Shane so rudely removed him from his favorite piece of bark. But hey, this is nice and warm, and oooh, wow, that's a cave! Spaghetti likes caves.

In less than three seconds Spaghetti has slithered inside Ilya's sleeve. He is standing very still. There is a snake slowly wriggling over his armpit and he is not going to scream because he is So Incredibly Manly. The snake has flickered its tongue over Ilya's chest. He can feel its tiny snake nose poking around his nipple. If this snake bites his nipple he will make Shane sleep on the couch.

The snake climbs up to Ilya's neck and settles in a squiggly-shape on his shoulder, with its head peeking out of his collar. Shane turns around to put the disinfectant bottle away and pauses.

"Awww!" he coos. "You look so cozy!"

"Yes, he is very cozy." Ilya says. His voice is a little high-pitched. "Maybe he should go back now. We interrupted his nap."

"Oh, it's fine for him to be out a little longer," Shane says. "You're warm, he likes you."

"Well, it was rude to disturb him. Probably we should let him rest." Ilya says, trying to dislodge the invader from his shirt. Fucker. It's a good shirt and now he's stretching it out trying to evict a reptile. The things he does for love.

Shane takes pity on him and scoops Spaghetti out of Ilya's collar, then drapes him over a plant and shuts the enclosure door.

"You were very brave, babe." he tells Ilya, and kisses his cheek.

"I was not scared. I am very strong, very cool hockey player. It takes more than a little animal to scare me." Ilya lies.

the idea of this corn snake chilling in the equivalent of a snake mansion is KILLING ME. there are children with less space and enrichment than spaghetti.

also shane at 18 was still making an impression on his team in montreal and knew by then that "hey, i have a snake" gets side eyes he doesn't necessarily want, so only hayden knows about spaghetti on the montreal team, but after he's on the ottawa team, spaghetti comes up because ilya needs someone to understand his pain, and it becomes a superstition that if spaghetti eats his mouse no problem, then they have good luck for the next 10-14 days until he eats again. shane literally get @'d if the team knows it's Spaghetti Feeding Day and he doesn't report in of his own accord.

ilya HATES this superstition. it's not enough that the snake lives in the same house as him where he lays his sweet head each night. now spaghetti is even in the groupchat. he gets ASKED about SPAGHETTI THE SNAKE at his JOB!!!! he has SUFFERED!! more than JESUS!!!

reblogging with my own tags because i'm actually so emotional about the idea of shane like. not expecting ilya to interact with or even like spaghetti. shane knows people don't like snakes. (even his mom put on a good show, but he knows she does NOT fuck with spaghetti as a concept and was happy when he moved out along with shane to montreal). spaghetti gets introduced to ilya at the cottage, but like. the snake has his own room for a reason. a lot of people don't like snakes, and shane has also had the reptile owner experience of people even wanting his pet to be dead or talking about how they would kill him. so shane doesn't talk a lot about spaghetti, and he KNOWS ilya does not like his snake. and that's okay. ilya is willing to be in the same house as spaghetti and not say anything bad about him, and that's good enough.

and i am SO in my feelings imagining ilya getting to shane's house earlier than him one day during the season when they're still long distance and shane finding him in spaghetti's room talking to him. and ilya is clearly a little unnerved by this snake but is just, "if you could do less with the tongue, i think would be better for me, if you can manage this. *pause* see, no, it feels like you just did EXTRA tongue thing just because i asked you not to." and shane is??? hello??? what are you doing???

and ilya is a little flustered getting caught talking to spaghetti but also says he was trying to get used to spaghetti because he knows shane likes carrying him around but doesn't when ilya is over, and ilya doesn't want him to not get to carry his pet around if he wants to just because of him.

@merliren

tears in my eyes laughing at the idea of yuna drinking her wine and thinking, "oh you poor fool," because she senses a kindred "does NOT fuck with snakes" spirit, but that's something shane gets to handle on his own.