grabbing them from his hand, his now free hand migrates across your arm and to the small of your back, pulling you to him until your hips are touching. swirling the butter with the chopsticks, you lean into his touch. “alright, but seriously, if it’s too much i will kick them out. you know i will,” you wrap your other hand around his waist, thumb resting in his back pocket.

  “oh i know you will,” tilting his head, you can feel him plant a kiss against your hair, thumb rubbing circles in your hip. 

  you stand there for a moment, in pure bliss. the sound of family members stay muffled from the other room, mixed with sizzling from the curry osamu’s working on. ever since he started preparing for onigiri miya’s opening, the two of you have been too busy to have a moment like this, one of just being together mentally and physically.

  the way his body weight presses against yours feels comfortable, like a weighted blanket. “i miss when we cooked like this,” you admit, feeling his hand stiffen against your skin.

  “you do? even when something’s boiling over or burning?” osamu questions, leaning back from your touch, looking into your eyes with an attractive attentiveness. 

  rolling your eyes, you let out a soft sight. “you know what i mean, miya. i miss being with you, like actually being with you, not just physically. we’ve both been incredibly busy and i understand why, but i just miss this- what are you doing?”

  as you talked, osamu’s eyes wandered all around you, biting the inside of his cheek. his gaze meets yours again, giving you a cheeky smile that he uses to get out of everything. “i missed this too, y/n. we just gotta make sure there’s always time for each other, which i promise i will try harder with,” he kisses your temple, smiling into the kiss as his hand slinks back to his side. 

  “i will try harder too, now, this butter is going to be ready soon, what do you need me to do?”

  “just take it off the heat, it’s gotta cool before i can incorporate it into the cookie recipe,” osamu knocks any excess food off his spoon and rests it on a little homemade ceramic utensil holder, saving the counter from any leftover sauce, “now, i just need to get past you to get the rice going.”

  instead of letting him pass, you lean one of your legs as far back as you can, foot meeting the island counter. “sorry, this path is blocked,” you move the butter to a back burner, turning your head to look at him. 

  “oh, that’s how it’s going to be?” his eyebrows raise, hands resting on his hips. 

  “yeah, sorry, i am hard at work here and it can not be disturbed,” you laugh as you talk, one hand balancing you as it presses against the countertop next to the oven. 

  his eyebrows stayed raised, head slightly tilting as you continue to giggle. he can’t help but smile as well as his hands wrap around your waist, moving you enough that your foot falls forward to catch yourself. “uh oh, has your hard work been disturbed?” osamu laughs into your ear, softly kissing a trail from your neck to your shoulder. 

  you can feel his lips through the fabric of your shirt, still just as soft and gentle as he always is. “oh my work is very disturbed now,” resting your hands on his, you intertwine a couple fingers with his, heads pressing against each other as he plants a few more kisses against your shoulder. 

  “a good disturbed i assume?” 

  “yes, but need i remind you i have family in the next room over and we have food that might burn if we don’t get it off the stove soon..” you whisper, freeing one of your hands to run it through his hair, his hand tightening around your waist.

  osamu rests his chin on your shoulder, taking in a deep breath. “maybe we can continue this another time then,” he murmurs back, fingernails running along your fingers.

  “i would never say no to that.”

  blinking slowly, you can feel yourself getting tired, a yawn forming in the back of your throat. your eyes close for a second too long, only shooting open at the sound of a soft knock on the door. it’s faint, almost nervous. furrowing your eyebrows, you set down the pair of earbuds, slowly making your way to the door. 

  unlocking it, you twist the handle, cracking it open as you peek into the hallway. there’s no one in the doorway, only someone walking down towards the stairs. strands of brassy hair peeks through his naturally brown hair, making it only one person. “atsumu?” 

  a part of you isn’t sure why you called after him, knowing that it could only bring more heartache, calling him back into your life. you’re sure he knows it too. and yet, he stops in his tracks. his feet stay planted against the stained carpeted flooring, head twisting to the side, eyes peering back at you. “you’re awake.”

  “yeah, i’ve been studying, are you okay?” you step out into the hallway, letting the door shut behind you, watching as he turns even further to look back at you. 

  he doesn’t say anything for a moment, breathing in your appearance under the fluorescent bulbs. he stops as soon as he stares into your face, remembering the way the glasses always looked perfect on you. for a second, atsumu tries to remember the last time he saw you wear them, but it’s too muddled by seeing you now. “yeah, i- uh, i just wanted to see you.”

  “you did?”

  “yeah, i know i shouldn’t have, i just wanted to- actually i’ll just go back to my dorm,” he starts to turn back around, expecting eyes like daggers to stare into the back of his head. 

  “wait, can i walk you back to the dorm hall’s front door? i just want to ask you something,” your arms cross in front of your chest, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet, socks attempting to keep you semi-warm.

  atsumu’s head instantly turns around to look at you, nearly getting whiplash from the movement. he takes a few steps towards you, an eager smile on his lips, “oh yeah. y/n, yeah, i would really like that.”

  walking towards him, your lips begging to form into a matching smile. however, you can’t seem to match his energy, still unsure as to how you want this to play out. on one hand, you want atsumu back in your life, to enjoy every little thing that made you love him. and on the other hand, you know that he’s just as strong willed as you are, hoping to juggle your relationship and his with volleyball (something that is near impossible to perfect). 

  opening the door to the stairs, he follows after you into the cold stairwell. looking back at him, you step down a step. “so.. i wanted to talk about the other night.”

  “oh god, i was hoping i dreamt that,” atsumu’s fingers rub his temples, eyes clamping shut as he stops at the top of the stairs.

  “yeah, i know you weren’t in your right mind that night. but seeing you again, i don’t know, it just made me miss you a little bit. if that’s alright to say, i don’t really know what to do in this scenario,” you stare ahead at the wall, kicking your feet as you slowly make your way down the stairs, crinkling your nose. 

  atsumu laughs a little, instantly stopping as soon as you give him a sideways glance. “of course it’s fine, if you can’t tell, i miss you every day. i miss seeing you, kissing you, giving you every ounce of me that i can,” he looks away, taking another step as you stop in your tracks. 

  “but you didn’t give me every ounce. you gave me half an ounce, a quarter at worst. i miss you, but i don’t miss why we ended things. it was your decision as much as mine,” your eyes narrow, lips snarling as you can feel your heart ache.

  he turns around, eyes meeting you at chin level. “i quit the volleyball internship.”

  “what.”

  “i’m still on the team, but i don’t work with the jva. i’m not doing anymore interviews and all i have now is training and tournaments,” atsumu takes a step towards you, staring up into your eyes.

  “i didn’t want to make you do-”

  “yeah, i know. you weren’t the only factor in that, you were right, my grades were slipping because of the internship and the team. it just didn’t make sense, and yeah, if it meant i could get even some sort of relationship with you again, i would take it.”

  biting the inside of your cheek, you stare right back at him, heart beating quickly. goosebumps ravage your skin, tears welling in the sides of your eyes. you want this more than anything, you want to feel his hands in yours, to smell his cologne as he steps even closer to you. but it all feels so wrong, that things will never change.

  and yet you don’t move when his hand grabs yours. you don’t move when his fingers intertwine with yours, his other hand resting on your hip. “i can’t promise things will change forever. i can’t promise anything besides my love for you.”

  “‘tsumu, you don’t know that.”

  “but i do, i am so stupidly happy when you’re in my life, you bring me joy that no job or any other person could bring me. and you know that. you know that, i know you can feel it,” he brings your hand to his heart, feeling it beat at a fast, steady pace, “i love you. i miss you.”

  rolling your eyes, you shake your head, “god, you’re so sappy.”

  “only for you,” his jaw clenches, waiting until you lean in, not wanting to push anymore than he already has.

  and he doesn’t have to wait long. your hand grips his shirt, your other hand pressing against his cheek. his lips feel as soft as you remember them being, a light stubble being a new sensation against your chin. he tastes like old cafeteria food, mixed in with a mint that he probably had minutes before he saw you, hopeful for a moment like this.

  “is this a bad idea?” he questions, leaning back to breath.

  “not right now it isn’t,” you lean back in, pulling him closer to you as you remember every time you ever felt his lips against yours. remembering every time you felt his skin press on yours, how soft he was, how gentle his touch is. 

  leaning your head back, you let him kiss your neck, trailing from your neck bone to your chin. his hand moves to steady your back, the other steadying your head. closing your eyes, you relish in the sensation that pulsates from your neck. “i missed you,” he presses a final kiss to the side of your mouth, staring at you.

  opening your eyes, you stare back at him, finally giving him a soft smile, “i missed you too.”

  “okay, you’re right, kiyoko already hates me for stealing you anyway.. so which way is my room?” he pulls back from you, hands massaging your shoulders, a muscle memory that’s ingrained into his drunken self. 

  rolling your eyes, you grab your jacket, shuffling out of his grasp to pull your arms through it. a room key is stuffed in your pocket, always sitting there in case something like this were to occur. “i’ll take you there, come on,” you reach up to grab his elbow, missing as he leans forward to give you a midnight kiss. 

  “woah buddy,” you step back into the darkness of your room, biting the side of your cheek, “your breath reeks of alcohol, you’ll have to wait for the morning.”

  atsumu hadn’t shown up at your door in a month, something his brain hardwired while he was drunk. he’d come after going out with his friends, lamenting about how much he missed not having you, how he wanted to dance with you under the moonlight. but this was the first time he’s shown up since you broke up, standing there like it was normal procedure.

  and you couldn’t help but fall into the steps with him, ending with you escorting him back to his room on especially difficult nights. your hand wraps around his elbow, indulging his random conversations and eager thoughts. “atsumu, you should probably have one of your roommates walk you home next time, right?”

  “but then i wouldn’t see your pretty face,” atsumu looks over at you, a shy smile on his face as his legs stumble on the sidewalk, trusting you to keep him upright. 

  “right, but i have class in the morning, and i do hate being tired during class. you wouldn’t want to do that to me, now would you?” you question, hand tightening around his elbow, trying to subconsciously rewire his brain for another route, save you the eventual heartbreak.

  atsumu shakes his head slowly, freeing his arm from your grasp before lacing it around your waist. with your left hand, you pry his fingers from your shirt’s hem, instead, lifting them so his hand will rest on your shoulder. “no, i guess not.. i just wish i saw you more.”

  “i know you do.”

  “we don’t even have any classes together.”

  “i know we don’t, you’re too busy with volleyball,” you lament, crossing your arms in front of your chest, lips falling into a frown. 

  “i’m sorry about that.”

  looking over at him, you bite your lip, watching as his eyes sparkle under the campus lights. there’s an endearing look to the way he’s looking at you. almost apologizing for everything, subconsciously begging you for another chance, “i know you are- uh, well here’s your building, i assume you can get to your room just fine?”

  “why don’t you come stay the night?” atsumu ponders, leaning against the wall as his hand snakes down to yours, wrapping his fingers within yours.

  tilting your head, you look away for a second, trying to gain the courage to tell him no again. “i need to sleep for class atsumu.. in my own bed. but i hope you have a goods night rest,” you wiggle your hand away from his, watching as his body droops, loosing any semblance of happiness.

  “okay, i love you,” he leans forward again to give you a kiss.

  “your breath stinks, remember?”

  nodding his head slowly, he purses his lips. “right, tomorrow or next time i see you. i love you..” atsumu says it again, pausing as he waits for you to finally say it back. 

  “i like you a lot too,” you can feel tears well in the corner of your eyes, unable to bring yourself to indulge in the conversation any longer, knowing you’ll just pull yourself right back in, “now go to bed, or else i’ll call hinata and he’ll drag you back.”

  atsumu stands upright when you say that, either sobering up at your inability to say ‘i love you’ back, or worried of the idea of waking up his beloved (and viscous) roommate. opening the building’s main door, he slips inside, keeps his eyes on you as walk back to yours. your hand reaches up, wiping away any tears there may be against your jacket sleeve.