KÝLL

….. anywayth. he’s going to send emails to my university.

i saw it in a dream in indianapolis, when we first started dating. i woke up and heard my professor’s voice : “im disappointed in you kyle”. the dream i had, sleeping next to him in a quaint old mansion, filled with antiques and memories. an older gay friend of his was letting us stay with him while we passed through town.

i was putting something in the top of my closet. i assumed it was the box 8th house sun made for me. but i just went to the ethel cain concert and had to dig thru my closet to find photos of my poetry to give to her. trevor through them on stage after the concert. i hope they made their way to her. but it’s all God ‘s W i l l . Not really mine …

whether my premonition dreams are the gifts from generous demons, or codes from the angels, i can’t really say. i’m tired of the ‘:084857

spiritual warfare that christianity insists is at play. i prefer the neutral indifference of the Tao. duality. good can’t exist without evil. i wish there were a way to transcend it all. not be condemned, yet not needing to be saved. i don’t want to have to live my life in fear of making the wrong choices, tricks by the devil that my saviour turns a blind eye to. because it’s my responsibility to rely on him to save me. him.

her. they.

they’re gonna email my university.

and i deserve it. i really do.

i sent emails to the whole furniture industry, getting Mouse dropped from showrooms in denver, phoenix, salt lake, wyoming. that was a heavy hit. i’m not going to walk away from this scot free. and i’ve spent the past several months.. shxt. our whole relationship. i’ve spent tormenting the many people i felt betrayed by. some of it was understandable. but i always take things too far.

moon square pluto. moon square mars. mercury opposite pluto. sun square saturn.

i had tough lessons to learn. luckily, or unfortunately, i have the gift of sun in 12th house. 00°. intense. collective unconscious. psychic gifts. lost. confusion. mental illness. addiction. hidden secrets. other realms. source. the end of the wheel. we all come back to the one.

of course, this is all new age fantasy — a mere trick of the devil, the monitoring spirits who guide the tarot readers on youtube who have been leading me into spiritual psychosis. leading me astray from god’s word. god’s glory.

i’m turning 30 this june, on the summer solstice. and if i’ve learned anything from my 20s, it’s that God and the dEvil are working together. they’re boyfriends actually. the devil knocks and slides god a twenty, so he’ll turn a blind eye for ten minutes. god gives him the thumbs up and the nod. and i fall victim to calamities.

how can i not blame god. ¿

obviously i don’t want to hate him. obviously i want to be a good person, go to heaven. but some days i just don’t give a frick. if things will collapse so easily, it’s too much to keep trying. especially when i’m gay or whatever. these born again christian’s can’t prove to me that being gay is wrong. or that buddha and islam are demonic. sorry. but you don’t get to be the only one that’s right.

or maybe that’s just my ego talking. the devil corrupting my spirit with my exalted, evolved logic. that’s too smart for religion.

fortunately i have my premonition dreams. i see ghosts. i know better. that doesn’t mean i have the answers.

HAS JESUS BEEN TO MARS ?

WHO DO THE ALIENS WORSHIP ?

probably allah. just kidding. its most definitely joseph smith.

and that’s on kolob .

bxtch a$$ #nocoffee #kissmeinthetemple

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