Hi, call me Monty if you want, i use mainly they/them but will also accept he/him.
Currently have the highest form of brainworms about heated rivalry, so i’ll pretty much only be posting about that.
Will mostly be reblogging others posts, and only occasionally making my own- but that’s not set in stone, so we’ll see ig
Also, i reblog/post ALOT. I’m not a bot i swear! I just have a small amount of freetime and a little bit of a social media problem lol. (And a lot of posts in my queue)
Feel free to look through my blog, and if you see any repeat posts- no you didnt
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Picture this: in a world with shane not playing hockey hockey (stay with me here), and finding no other great talents, he sort of floats from job to job. Living in an honestly-not-that-bad-for-the-price apartment in a significantly poorer neighbourhood (didnt rlly think about where, so lets say Boston), he doesnt worry about rent often but its still something that needs to get paid every month. He doesnt like relying on his parents too much, it always gives him that sticky feeling of shame and guilt of being unable to take care of himself, of being a burden, and while they are not poor by any means, they’re both government employees that get paid what most government employees do, so shane doesnt wanna feel like a leech. (More under the cut)
Anyway, parental worry aside, shane gets fired by his old job (for whatever reason), and finds a new job at an almost seedy bar that has a kitchen attached. Offically, he’s a waiter, but there’s really not that much ‘waitering’ to be done at that place, so he mostly just helps around where he can when theres not that many people around. Its honestly one of his favorite jobs hed had in a while, with one little asterisk: the head chef is a fucking asshole.
The first time shane meet ilya rozanov, it was when he popped his head into the kitchen to give one of the regulars order to the chefs (Old Man Craig, was what everyone calls him, including Old Man Craig himself; Burger and fries, no cheese extra pickles). When he had done so, rozanov scowled at him, like shane was a minor annoyance rather than just doing his job, had grumbled when he heard the substitutions, and promptly told him to fuck off and get out of his kitchen the second shane was done speaking. What a pocket of sunshine, shane thought to himself after leaving the kitchen.
Rozanovs attitude didnt change, no matter how polite shane was to him, or how long shane had been working at the bar, he was always equally snappy to him. “Thats just how roz is, dont worry about it”, Marley, another chef at the bar, had said after shane again was as nice as he possibly could be with ‘roz’ and still getting that dickish response - and feeling a little butthurt about it, not that shane would admit that.
It sort of comes to a head one day, when it’s saturday night, and all the uni students are enjoying the first day of their fall break in the bar, and its the busiest theyve been in a while. Its so hot in the bar with all the people, and so loud, and the smell of spilt beer- while not unnatural in the bar- is building up to be so fucking overwhelming that shane simply needs to be away from it all for 5 minutes. So he, as politely as he can while feeling like his skin is going to crawl away from his bones, tells his fellow waiter, Kip, that he’s going to take 5 outside for a bit, and when he gets the okay he more or less runs out of there.
The cool fall air is an almost instant relief, and he finally feels like he can breathe again when he hears a bark of swear words in the alley next to the bar. There, he sees rozanov, struggling to light a ciggarette. He stares for a moment because, well, really? This is what the head chef is spending his time doing on the busiest night theyve had in months? Rozanov must feel his judgemental stare because he looks up and immediately scowls. When rozanov snaps some stupid insult about shane ‘standing there like an idiot’ or whatever, shane is so tired and a little irritated already that he snaps back a little harder than he probably should, and instead of snapping back, rozanov just gapes at him in surprise. Feeling a little bad that he was just meaner than he really shouldve been, shane offers up the lighter in his jacket pocket as a peace offering. Rozanov stares at it for a while, before taking it and easily lighting his ciggarette, and then offering one of the cigs in his pack.
“No thanks, i dont smoke.” Shane says, and rozanov just stares at him with a raised eyebrow, looking at him, then down at the borrowed lighter in his hand, and then back up again at shane. “I used to collect cool lighters, alright?” Rozanov snorts at this, but thankfully says nothing, giving shane his lighter back and staring at him with a curious look on his face. It’s not a lie, not really, shane did collect cool lighters in his early twenties, he’s just not going to talk about the mild arson phase he also had around that time; especially not with a coworker. He never got caught so what did it matter, anyway?
Things sort of changed after that. They didnt speak in the alley way, just stood there in silence until shanes 5 minutes were up. But rozanovs attitude became- well, not better, shane certainly wouldnt call him polite even at the best of times, nor would he call him nice, but - less snappy, almost. And also more weird.
Consider this: the Shane cheating on his nice husband from Montreal AU and the rookie!Ilya/captain!Shane AU could be one and the same
Not only is this bratty little hotshot saying he's gonna overshadow you eventually in the rink, he's saying he could fuck you better than your husband too? And from the sounds coming from his room when he brings someone back when you and your nice husband are just trying to sleep...well...
I think in this it would start on the road. They're bunked together for a road trip "cuz the rookie already stays with you at home anyways, right Hollander?" And besides knowing Ilya Shane'll probably have the room to himself most of the time anyways everyone thinks
Meanwhile Ilya (to himself) is just like "Oh I will be getting laid, but I won't be leaving the room to do it..."
ANON I AM BEING DEAD SERIOUS THAT I WAS GENUINELY CONSIDERING MAKING THE INFIDELITY AU A PART OF MY ROOKIE!ILYA/CAPTAIN!SHANE AU BUT THEN I DECIDED TO MAKE IT ITS OWN THING!!!!
But also YOU ARE SOOO RIGHTTTTT!!!! Like, why else would Shane not know about Ilya until after he's married??? AGE GAP AU CONTINUES TO REIGN SUPREME 💪💪💪💪💪🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥👑👑👑👑
Picture young hot Ilya with his ungodly stamina fucking Shane face down ass up on a roadie, taunting Shane nonstop, asking an incoherent Shane how a desperate little cock slut like him got stuck with such a limp dick loser for a husband? But oh well, Ilya won't complain because You wouldn't have been so easy for it if you were already getting it at home, da?
#myshane has a hockey tumblr account as a young boy and just before he meets ilya rozanov he becomes somewhat well known for how much he analyzes and posts ilya. so when he says to ilya ´you’re an awesome player to watch’ he really does mean he’s watched him for hours.
anyway, when ilya gets big in boston, he gains a small but passionate following of queer woman (maybe some of whom he’s slept with and been nice to) who find shane’s account and assume he’s a fellow groupie. he gets added to a groupchat on discord and once it becomes clear that he is (a) not a girl and (b) is very clearly hopeless at gossiping and is only funny on accident online the girls adopt him as their pet boy. when they’re not talking about how hot ilya is (which shane is way too terrified to engage with), or teasing him about how he’s always correcting them on ilya’s hockey (he is terrified and proud), he actually just gets along really well with these girls who don’t judge him for being awkward.
anyway, when ilya and shane get outed, the groupchat revives from the dead. it’s been a few years since they’ve sent more than the occasional meme, shane basically stopped responding in 2016 after one too many ´shane hollander can’t handle rose landry’ jokes, but the second hollanov is outed, all of the group clocks in.
the girls are FERAL. they are SO EXCITED. they have SO MUCH TO SAY. and those are the first messages that shane opens when he braves his phone. he’s crying before he can even type back.
anyway that’s how a group of queer girls (mostly lesbians) become the first people to meet hollanov as a couple over facetime.
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can we cross reference throat goat ilya with quickshot ilya for a second? ilya slobbering on it sloppy and nasty lost in it and sooo turned on he’s seeing stars?? he’s got that vein poppin out on his forehead and his shane is on his tongue and in his throat and he’s making all those beautiful sounds and ilya is grasping at any inch of skin his hand can reach. shane moaning and whining and panting, rubbing his foot on ilya’s cock and then ilya just… bustin it in his pants… and the entire thing happens in 2 mins 37 seconds
au where Ilya is a contestant on Love Island or some raunchy dating show where Shane is a producer. Gorgeous sun-god hockey-star Ilya is quite popular (duh) and loves to go all-out on every challenge, like fully committing to diving into foam pits and getting slimed and making out with everyone, meanwhile Shane is planning all these events with the goal of just seeing Ilya take off his shirt again. It obviously gets super competitive between them, Shane concocting more audience-approved twists and Ilya taking it like a champ while becoming increasingly obsessed with Shane, despite also being a favorite to win the show with a (very lovely) woman. They’re also definitely almost-fucking off-set during breaks, and predictably feel guilty about it but not enough to stop. Big dramatic finish to the show when Ilya very publicly goes after Shane, maybe taking second place just to declare his love
Luca staying with Shane and Ilya for a few days while his place is being fumigated. He’s lying in bed when Hollanov’s sex sounds fill his room. Luca sends a video to the team group chat (the one without Shane and Ilya). It’s of him staring blankly into the camera. In the background, you can clearly hear Ilya moaning loudly. Luca is like ‘I can’t listen to Shane suck Ilya’s soul out of his body for the next 2 days. Can I stay with one of you?’ and Troy is like ‘You can come over and listen to me suck Harris’s soul out of his body’ and the other players respond with similar stuff like ‘You’re welcomed to listen to me fuck my wife’ and Luca remembers he’s a hockey player with money and checks into a hotel.
first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets or the masterlist so kindly put together by @tafkarfanfic. mhl awards part three out of four! a chill little scene 😇
MHL Awards, 2015
Shane leaves the party at a respectably late hour. Ilya suspects he was counting the minutes until he could go for at least half the evening; he's been tense, his smile strained.
It makes Ilya want to punch something. This should have been a happy night, the cherry on top of Shane's achievements this season, and Shane couldn't even enjoy it because his fucking useless, piece of shit boyfriend didn't think he was getting enough attention.
Probably Ilya didn't make it better with his stunt earlier.
He needs to make sure Shane is okay, because he doubts fucking Brian is gonna do it.
Ilya gives it ten minutes and then quietly dodges out of the party. Shane probably went straight to his room so Ilya makes that his first stop.
It occurs to him as he knocks that he has no idea where to go next if Shane isn't there.
What if he actually did go see Brian?
Ilya thankfully doesn't get long to dwell on that horrible possibility, because the door swings open just a few moments later. Shane steps aside wordlessly, letting him in.
It's a stark difference from earlier in the day. Shane looks exhausted, tie undone around his neck.
"No one saw you come here, right?" he asks once Ilya is inside.
"No," Ilya assures him. "I made sure."
Shane nods. His brow is furrowed, and not for the first time Ilya is struck with the urge to kiss him until it smooths, as if chasing away his worries could be so simple.
"Right," Shane says, voice distant. "Listen, I'm sorry but I'm not really in the mood -"
"I know," Ilya cuts him off. "I'm not here for that. Are you okay?"
Shane blinks, taken aback. He recovers, saying flatly, "Sure I am. I just won MVP, didn't I?"
Ilya doesn't respond and Shane exhales slowly, running a hand through his hair.
"I just -" his lips twitch, corners twisting unhappily, "I don't know what he was thinking. I can't believe he'd do something like that."
"You can't?" Ilya blurts, before he can think better of it.
"Rozanov..."
But Ilya isn't done. "It's exactly the kind of shit he would pull."
Shane scoffs. "You don't even know him."
"I know what I see, and I see him all the time making you fucking miserable!"
"Don't make me defend him," Shane says, weary. "I can't do it right now."
"Why?" Ilya is crossing a line, he thinks. He can't stop himself. "Why is he still your boyfriend? He doesn't make you happy."
"Well, who else?" Shane snaps.
He sounds angry but his voice is wavering, his eyes shining with unshed tears. When did that happen?
"Who else?" Ilya repeats dumbly.
"Yeah, who else." Shane laughs. It's not a happy sound. "Who am I gonna - even if I did find someone I like, even if I let my guard down and risk fucking everything to tell him I'm gay, who else would actually like me back? Who would put up with the secrecy and my schedule and all my other bullshit?"
Put up with. Like Shane thinks he's someone to be tolerated, and not loved and cherished and fucking worshiped. Like whoever ended up with him shouldn't wake up everyday thanking God that Shane Hollander chose him.
It hits Ilya then, the truth he's kept buried inside for months, hidden away even from himself. A truth he's known but never once acknowledged, never looked at directly.
He wants to be with Shane.
It's not just sex. It's not about him wanting to prove he's better than Shane's asshole boyfriend, or even about convincing Shane to dump his ass for his own well-being.
Ilya wants Shane, so much it terrifies him.
And under any other circumstance, maybe Ilya would rebury that truth, never to say a word out loud. But Shane is looking at him, worn down and defeated, somehow believing he deserves less than absolutely everything.
Ilya needs him to know how badly he's wanted, more than he needs to protect his own foolish heart.
"Me," he says, voice distant to his own ears. "I would."
Shane stares at him. "You wouldn't," he finally says. It almost sounds accusitory.
"I would," Ilya insists.
"No," Shane argues back. "You told me you don't do relationships. You said you might, if you met the right person, but that you hadn't yet."
Ilya blinks, bewildered. "When did I say this?"
"I don't know, a couple of years ago."
"A couple of years," Ilya repeats incredulously. He waves a dismissive hand. "So I was young and stupid, I'm allowed to change my mind."
"You haven't," Shane says. It would be infuriating, this insistence that he knows Ilya's mind better then he does himself, but the pained edge in his voice makes Ilya think that's not what's happening here. "This is just - you're being competitive, or it's fucking pity, and you've got yourself convinced of something that isn't true."
Ilya lets out a frustrated noise. "Why would I pity you?"
"Why would you want me?"
Words failing, Ilya does the only thing he can think of and pulls Shane in for a kiss. Shane's lips part for his, hands grabbing for Ilya, grabbing his jacket, his shoulders, his face, clumsy in their desperation.
They're breathing heavily as they part, Shane's lips slick with spit and eyes wide and dark and shining.
"Break up with him," Ilya begs.
Shane stiffens and then's he's pulling away, brushing Ilya's hand off when he tries to tighten his grip on his lapel.
"I can't -" he mumbles, eyes cast down and away. "I have to talk to Brian about this."
Ilya isn't sure how it happened, but he can feel his control over the conversation slipping away. "So he can convince you to stay?"
"I owe him that much," Shane says, firm. "It's been eight years, we - he loves me."
It's heartbreaking, the certainty in Shane's voice.
"If he loved you, he wouldn't treat you this way." There's an old, familiar ache in Ilya's chest, a helplessness at his complete inability to help someone he cares for. "You're not stupid, how can you not see this?"
Ilya regrets those words as soon as he's said them. Shane flinches as if struck and his mouth goes flat, a moment too late to disguise the wobbling of his chin. He's still not looking at Ilya. Ilya reaches for him, wanting to hold his face and make him look, but Shane flinches away.
"You should go," he says quietly.
"Shane -"
"Go," Shane repeats. "Please."
He doesn't wait for Ilya to leave, turning on his heel and heading into the bathroom. Ilya's stomach sinks as he hears the lock click in place.
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Coach Theriault: You’ve just made yourself a very powerful enemy. I’m going to be watching you. Like a hawk.
Shane Hollander: You’re going to have to try a little harder if you want to scare me. I’ve faced down the commissioner, you’re hardly the first powerful person to try and threaten me. You know why I’m still standing here? Because I do my job. And I do it right.
i know shane is a biter and it's not even about sucking or hickeys or anything it is Just about biting down on that muscle. ilya rozanov is walking around with bigass bruises on his biceps all day every day
SHANE HOLLANDER IS SO FINE ITS NOT FAIRRRRRRRRR I WANNA EAT IT FROM THE BACK I WANNA SUCK HIM STUPID I WANNA WATCH IT DISAPPEAR INSIDE HIM I WANNA SMOKE WHILE HE RIDES IT I WANNA PULL HIS HAIR WHILE WE'RE IN DOGGY I WANNA ASK HIM WHOSE PUSSY IS THIS WHILE HE MOANS MY NAME INTO THE PILLOW I WANNA (gets dragged off stage)
Laughing imagining Shane being a big "Hey, take a deep breath, yeah?" kind of person from all his yoga and stuff. It has a variety of uses; it keeps him breathing steady during his hard sprints on the ice, it helps manage his anxiety when it flares up, it's incredibly useful while Ilya is fucking him and he keeps holding his breath. However, his favorite (maybe second) way to use it is as a casual chirp ooooooo I just knowwww it would piss off other hockey players so much.
Shane Hollander just skated a circle around them and scored a Michigan, everyone's pissed off and seeing red, and he smirks at the next face off and says, "You should take a deep breath man, helps steady the nerves," and does an exaggerated deep breath himself before he wins the face off and takes off again because you know what his nerves ARE steady
I say it all the time but Rachel Reid is funny. The road/rhodes scholar comment with Shane and Hayden is one of my all time favorites, second only to Ilya saying “Cliff can barely count to three” during all-stars in TLG which leads to one of my favorite problematic headcanons which is that both Ilya and Shane have like not-like-other-girls/chosen one attributes of being smarter than all the hockey players around them. Not like, book smart or anything, but just like foundational knowledge.
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Have you thought about Shane’s face shoved into Ilya’s massive fucking bicep, Ilya’s arm curled Shane’s head, Shane leaving his saliva and teeth marks all over the fucking big tanned toned muscle
random low stakes hollanov things that are canon to me:
shane's Slutty Shorts™ that he uses as a sex signal at home
shane and ilya KILL at charades. the cens play this together for the first time at a bbq and make the mistake of letting hollanov be partners and since then have never made the same mistake again. they can read each other's minds. ilya knows the answer based on the way shane's eyebrow moves up. shane sees ilya's right pinky twitch and knows the exact answer without ilya acting out anything
ilya is somehow locked into all the drama happening in the league and shane (although he will probably deny it) is such a sucker for the gossip. after league events (the awards/all stars), they spend at least an hour talking about all the tea that ilya's collected while doing their night routine or while lying in bed and shane eats it up
shane loves tracing ilya's moles on his back when they're lying in bed (he will also sometimes trace out hockey formations with them and gets called out by ilya immediately every time) (ilya loves it)
ilya sometimes hides the sunscreen during summers at the cottage cause he wants to see more freckles; shane, however, always finds it cause he doesn't play about sun care and "no i'm not risking getting skin cancer just cause you like my fucking freckles, ilya"
ilya's lockscreen on his phone is a rotating album of shane and anya pictures; shane's used to be one of the basic default ones, but he changes it to a picture of ilya holding puppy anya like a baby the second they get home after their meeting with crowell
shane is chronically offline (duh) but importantly, that means that he almost always falls for every single tiktok trend that ilya tries with him (the only times he doesn't is when rose sends them to him first)
shane doesn't really ever post insta stories (see above) besides sponsorships and occasionally reposting the centaurs account BUT every once in a while (namely, when ilya does a sexy ad), his jealousy pipes up enough that he'll post a picture of him and ilya. usually without their faces but always very clear that it's them because he likes making sure the internet knows that ilya is his
ilya sees a video of the classic college girl dorm polaroid wall once and decides they need one so now everyone who visits their ottawa home gets a polaroid on the wall. but ilya and shane take so many polaroids of each other randomly that it becomes more of a collage of them (because the whole "we can finally take and put pictures up of us together in the house we share" of it all)
they're jock4jock !! also can turn literally anything under the sun into a competition (bood has a list of games in his notes app that have now been banned during roadies because of this btw)
