Ilya Rozanov: If you are ever sad please try to remember how great my ass is.
Shane Hollander: Now I’m sad AND thinking of your ass.
Ilya Rozanov: That is literally impossible. You are thinking of someone else’s ass, surely.

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@emmikay
Ilya Rozanov: If you are ever sad please try to remember how great my ass is.
Shane Hollander: Now I’m sad AND thinking of your ass.
Ilya Rozanov: That is literally impossible. You are thinking of someone else’s ass, surely.

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Ilya Rozanov: If someone says My Husband Shane Hollander is not attractive, I wouldn’t attack him. I’d refer him to physician, because obviously something is wrong with his eyes.
why wasn't Shane diagnosed with autism as a child?
Yuna "I am masking at insane levels because of racism and sexism and I love my special boy so so much" Hollander x David "we love our son so so much and obviously he's just like my wife who I love so so much and I've never questioned any of their traits because they're perfect" Hollander.
Next question.
Wyatt Hayes: What’s the dumbest thing you believed as a child?
Shane Hollander: That I was heterosexual.
(after an ice wide brawl)
Ilya Rozanov: Was that a smile I saw, Hollander?
Shane Hollander: What? I was smiling?
Ilya Rozanov: Aww, Shane Hollander has sadistic side.

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Vivaldi played by the South African elementary school Goede Hoop Marimba Band
Turn ON the sound
Slow down, turn on the sound and take a couple of minutes to enjoy this!
I think Vivaldi would have been tickled by this as he actually wrote so much of his music for an all girl orphanage/school. So to see a group of girls still playing his music hundreds of years later?!?!?! On an instrument he'd never seen?!?!?!
Ilya Rozanov: I like when you’re in grocery store and you see people buying eggs because they always pick up carton and then open it like it is metal briefcase full of cash involved in drug deal and they’re confirming it’s money. “Don’t bother counting it, it’s all there. 12.” Then they always pick one up and inspect it like, “Yeah, it’s Grade A alright…Is real deal.”
Shane Hollander: Ilya. People are checking to see if any of the eggs are cracked.
Shane Hollander: How about we-
Ilya Rozanov: No.
Shane Hollander: But-
Ilya Rozanov: (kisses him, looks him deep in the eyes)
Ilya Rozanov: No.
Shane Hollander: So, what do you do when you’re not working?
Jackie Pike: Shane, I am comfortable with quiet. When you’re with me, you don’t need to fill the silence.
Shane Hollander: (sighs in relief) Okay, thanks.
Troy Barrett: We’re friends. I was building up to call you “Shane” one of these days.
Shane Hollander: That will never happen. In fact, you just lost “Hollander” privileges. From now on, you can call me “Alternate Captain” or “hey you”.
Troy Barrett: Oh come on, Shane.
Shane Hollander: (glares)
Troy Barrett: Come on, hey you.

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Ilya Rozanov: Hollander! I see you’re paying attention to someone who is not me. Why is this.
baby Shane
the average twitter vs tumblr community experience
Seems about right
Obsessed with the idea of Shane randomly encountering Bad Bunny at a bar just like he encountered Rose. (Because he has the BEST luck.)
But he doesn't know who Bad Bunny is, and Bad Bunny doesn't know who Shane is... So they're both just making small talk with this hot guy they met at the bar while they wait for their drinks. They're enjoying talking to someone who doesn't know their celebrity status. And Shane is getting a little flustered despite being married, because damn if this guy isn't his type, and Bad Bunny is lowkey flirting with him.
And then Ilya shows up and has a heart attack. Alternating between fanboying over Bad Bunny and wanting to fight him. Just standing there frozen with this bonkers expression on his face.
And Shane is completely oblivious. "Hey, you're back! I ordered you a beer. Oh, and this is Benito. Benito, this is my husband Ilya........... Baby, are you okay? Why do you look like that?"
Listen, you put Shane Hollander in a bar unattended, there is at least a 50% chance he walks away with a new celebrity bff
Cliff Marleau: Yo.
Hayden Pike: Did you just say ‘Yo’?
Cliff Marleau: I started saying it ironically, but now it’s just natural.
Hayden Pike: Cool. (fingerguns)
Cliff Marleau: You too?
Hayden Pike: Yep. (fires several fingerguns)

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Shane Hollander: You forgot your sweatshirt here so I’m sleeping in it.
Ilya Rozanov: I did this on purpose.
Yuna Hollander: I’m sorry, Honey, but we have a big problem.
Shane Hollander: (exhausted) I should copyright that phrase.