MomKat Musings @momkat - Tumblr Blog

New one in the saga of Tony Hawk trying to live life as Tony Hawk

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bigdafty

Sound very much on.

sunflowerlovergirl

hatesaltrat

The road to the childrens’ hospital

@swedishfalcon-actual

enchantingsorceress

I hope this joke outlives the context that made it, leaving future generations baffled.

tinyyellowflowers-blog

Was talking to a coworker today who explained that her grandfather was like Snow White “but Californian. And an old man.” in that the creatures of the forest would follow him around and presumably duet with him.

“When he died the ravens sat in the trees outside for a week, watching. Taking turns. A horde of raccoons tried to break into the house every night, tearing at the siding. Eventually they gave up, but it was unsettling.”

“Aww. They were checking on him!” I said, like a normal person. Internally, I thought “Maybe you could do the thing you do with dead pets, where you show them to the living pets so the living pet understands they’re gone. But I guess if you did that to a bunch of scavenging species, they’d be like “Well, that’s very sad but he IS food now.” So what you’d need, for human sensibilities, is some sort of transparent corpse barrier. Like a see-through coffin oh that’s what the dwarves were doing! You’ve stopped paying attention to this conversation about the loss of a beloved family member you gotta phase back in.”

sun-ni-day

oh that's what the dwarves were doing

bumblebeebats

Why is it that every time I google something like "Are olives poisonous to cats" the top results are always like "Fun fact: Cats are carnivores! This means that they eat meat. There is no reason to include olives in a cat's diet. You should feed your cat cat food, which is dry or wet food especially designed for cats. You can purchase this at a store." like is there a single person alive on the planet who's googled "Are blueberry muffins safe for cats" because they're planning on switching their cat to a muffin-only diet??? No, I'm asking because the little bastard somehow popped open the packet while I was putting away the groceries and dragged one under the couch before I could react and now I need to know if I should call the after-hours vet. "Cats should not eat spaghetti." NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!! "Try to keep human food away from cats." i live in a studio apartment with a completely silent and permanently hungry apex predator who has the intelligence of a toddler and the desperate Machiavellian cunning of a creature who spent his formative months on the streets. He can already open doors and he is this 👌 close to learning how to open the microwave. He is stronger than me and covered in knives. So im gonna do my best but for the moment i just need you to tell me whether this yoghurt is going to kill my son y/n

spectralhauntings

I've been using the pet poison hotline's poison list cause it has a search function. It also tells you whether something is mildly, moderately, or severely toxic which can be very handy! It doesn't contain like everything but it might be a good place to start, it also includes plants for fellow houseplant lovers <3

Explore Pet Poison Helpline®s vast knowledge on poisons by reviewing our pet poison list. Explore our top 10 poison and holiday poison lists

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jaubaius

No way out

bogleech

idiot jail for ignorant beasts

lochnutmonster

Sisyphus

chortlebot

one must imagine sisyphus ouppy

thebibliosphere

The kid next door (talking toddler age) is playing outside and just wiped out in his Fisher Price car, and I just heard the babysitter say, “oh no, your insurance premium is definitely going to go up!” And the kid who had only been mildly sniffling before made the most confused, but startled sound you’ve ever heard.

Just very clearly an attempt at saying, “my what?”

He straight up forgot about his scraped knee and is now worried about whatever the fuck an insurance premium is.

xxxdragonfucker69xxx

muntzerism-diggerism

It's colours

muntzerism-diggerism

Anybody else remember colours?

keepcalmandcarriefischer

Pregnancy runs in my family. Over half of my ancestors had it at some point.

keepcalmandcarriefischer

The other big one is death. That runs in the family too. An overwhelming majority of my ancestors experienced death at some point in their lives.

sistertaxon

why are there so many posts about asexuals being immune to sirens. people. sirens don’t lure you in with sex (necessarily). they sing about whatever it is that you want most. they could sing about mothman or cinnamon toast crunch and guess what then your asexual pirate is fucking dead

thesylverlining

this is the only kind of ace discourse i ever want to see on my dash. the only kind. ever again. good job

kittyknowsthings

Do you think the sirens would be grateful that they finally get some variety?

systlin

“Oh my god we can finally just sing about pasta thank the fucking gods.”

totohoy-blog

I’m not asexual but I’m fairly certain sirens would do a far better job luring me into the depths with a song about pasta rather than sex…

systlin

I mean.

“WHAT THE FUCK STAY AWAY FROM THE ROCKS.”

“FUCKER THEY SAID THEY HAVE FETTUCCINE CARBONARA AND HOT GARLIC BREAD OVER THERE HANG ON BITCH.”

musicalhell

This is true; Odysseus heard them promising him knowledge of the future. So the next time you see artwork like this:

Remember those sultry naked chicks are saying “We’ll tell you the winning lotto numbers.”

fuckstaffposts

Them: “We have unlimited wifi at incredible speeds~” Me: *diving headfirst into the water*

rpluvsyj

This post is a blessing

wittyusername97

Congratulations! Odysseus! You’ve been selected as a winner for the free $1000 Amazon Gift Card, Apple iPhone X 256G or Samsung Galaxy S8! Claim your prize now!

kitvalkyrie

Oh my god sirens were literally scam websites

10thingsihateabout-all-yall

Oh my god they were phishing

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targetedknowledge

captainjonnitkessler

Today at work a couple of apprentices were rotating rows of solar panels and unwittingly turned one row directly into a couple of metal posts that had been driven into the ground, shattering two panels.

And on the one hand I feel really bad for them, because they were clearly really upset and they kept apologizing even though it wasn't really their fault. (Who the fuck puts metal posts underneath a rotating solar panel?!)

On the other hand, I kind of can't stop laughing. They were so distraught! God, what must have gone through their minds when they heard the first crunch. This is SUCH a classic apprentice scenario, everyone in the trades has been there. Congrats on your rite of passage kiddos, you're gonna be telling this story to your apprentices one day

captainjonnitkessler

POV: You're about to have a really unfortunate conversation with your foreman

growingsucculents

Legs

sweetchimera-art

escape

sacrificethemtothesquid

crap-userrname16

not-available-for-comment

Haven’t had a chance to watch the tutorial yet, but I’m seriously considering making this for my gf’s niece

vexheart

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magicratfingers

what if it happens on the 4th of july like can u imagine

magicratfingers

i remember hearing thomas jefferson had a rager so big at the white house ppl refused to leave

theaberrantone

That was Andrew Jackson. It was is inauguration party. Adams, Jefferson, and Madison, all died after their presidencies.

However, William Henry Harrison, the president with the shortest time in office, died two months after his inauguration because he gave a two hour speech in pouring rain and got pneumonia. And Zachary Taylor died about 16 months into office, possibly because he drank milk that had spoiled in a heatwave.

magicratfingers

get milked idiot wait

#REBLOG to Cast

perkwunos

The Johnny Appleseed they don’t want you to know about

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