perpetual disarray

Gasterosteus aculeatus

Threespine Stickleback

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Status: Least concern

The property I grew up on was two acres and over my childhood we had various ungulates ambling along in the fields. There were horses, cows, sheep, and several types of goat. My parents would rent out the pastures or adopt an old sheep filled with tumors and then the wires would shift. Cow wire needs were different than goat wires.

These electric menaces were positioned without regard to how a young child would navigate them. The latches and gates were generally too tall for me to reach but that didn’t mean I didn’t clamber in and out of pastures. It just meant I got electrocuted a lot more than the average kid.

Pretty much no part of my body was exempt from the stinging bite of brushing against the charged wire. My least favorite was when it got my face. As a very logical result I abhor being shocked. My beloved wife tried to use electro on me when doing acupuncture and I had an instantaneous panic attack.

So imagine my surprise when I started working at the sex shop and there was a whole collection of toys dedicated to electricity. Right when I started there was a release for a rabbit toy that had metal panels on the shaft. My manager insisted I feel it so I could talk about it with customers and I flatly refused.

We also sold a small electronic box you could hook up to wires pads or toys that could be placed anywhere on your anatomy with various levels of intensity. I couldn’t fathom ever wanting that. It wasn’t a big seller, but every so often someone would come in for an electro accessory.

Which brings us to the man I’m calling Electrostim Georg. He bought the one piece of electrostim we never ever expected to sell. It was a metal sounding rod. If you’re unfamiliar sounding is inserting something into the urethra of a penis. We were all flabbergasted that this man wanted to gently electrocute the inside of his dick. We asked him to report back.

When he returned we were all waiting with bated breath to hear how his experience was. Sounding is already a somewhat dicey activity, and adding electro? We were on the edge of our seats.

“It was,” he informed us, “Like having thousands of simultaneous orgasms all at once in a never ending stream.” He went on to say he couldn’t leave it on very long because being electrocuted into experiencing thousands of simultaneous orgasms is extremely taxing to a body.

Afterward we stood together in shock. That’s what it felt like?

“Would you ever try something like that?” A coworker asked me later. “To experience a thousand orgasms?”

Person: "Have a good day. Actually wait a minute. You missed a bug, but I got you home boy. Hold on." he picks a bug up and throws it next to the frog.

Frog: turns around and eats the bug.