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There’s just something about desperate-for-it Ilya watching Shane do yoga. He’s lying on his back on the floor, head on Shane’s yoga mat while Shane stretches and bends above him, groaning and pleading like, “Just let me touch you, sweetheart. I only need a little.” It’s driving him crazy that Shane is sweating and trembling and bending over but it’s because of yoga and not him. But Shane’s just like, “Not til I’m finished, ok? I need to focus.” And Ilya groans and swears and he’s adjusting himself where his shorts have gotten tight and, ok, maybe Shane starts to chub up too, but when Ilya reaches for him he’s like, “No, Ilya. I mean it.” So Ilya’s just lying there, aching and grumbling while he watches Shane do Warrior 1.
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the thing no one warns you about with home ownership is the amount of time you'll spend telling appliances they're beautiful and appreciated and so strong and should for SURE not break on you for many many years
ETA: @queen-calanthe has written this into a real fic: The Suit In One-Four-One-Zero
One day post TLG, Harris has the Cens doing a video for social media, it’s a competition for who can keep a straight face while the others try to make them break with a smile or a laugh.
Towards the end, only Ilya remains. No one can break him, so they go get Shane. He’s got a little smile while they explain and he starts thinking of what to say. Of what he can say for a video going on the internet.
He hesitates, because he knows what he wants to tell Ilya, but keep it their secret. No one else needs to know what this was about, but he’s saved this tidbit, waiting to play it at the right time. Ilya’s steeling himself. He loves Shane and usually would smile with him just in the room, trying do be earnest about anything, but he won’t let his husband break him for this. Finally Shane makes direct eye contact with Ilya -
‘The first time, after the commercial,’
Ilya tenses, eyes light up but he’s keeping his face neutral. He isn’t sure what he thought Shane would say but it wasn’t this.
So imagine you're Rocky. You're the last survivor of your species' first interstellar voyage. You're out in space, desperately alone, trying to fix a problem threatening all life on your planet. You don't know when or if your people will send another crew to whom you can pass the baton. And even if they do come, will they survive?
You push through this anguish as best you can for a sizable minority of your lifespan. The human equivalent is maybe 8 years. Until, finally, someone else comes. But not from your planet.
An alien! A friendly one! They're here for the same reason as you are: their sun is dying, too! You begin to work out a common language. You find that his skills and knowledge complement your own. At last, you sense a faint, glimmering return of hope! You couldn't solve the problem alone; but maybe, just maybe, you and this alien can solve it together!
He is... pretty weird, though.
He's floppy, lithe and soft. He's almost twice your height and less than half your weight. Your atmosphere would literally crush him to death in seconds. His atmosphere is as cold and sparse as your planet's stratosphere. He leaks a lot. He needs to eat and sleep often, or he gets cranky. He's also kind of forgetful.
At his best, though, he is highly intelligent. His species' scientific knowledge in many ways surpasses your species'. As an individual, his problem-solving skills are as sharp as the brightest of your late crewmates. Oh, and he has amazing perception of his environment, of objects near and far, thanks to sensory input you can barely imagine experiencing. In record time, he's helped you make incredible breakthroughs in fixing both your planets' suns...
But he can only perform at his best if you remind him to eat his snackies and take his nap-naps. You also have to gently chide him not to eat in front of you, or ask to watch you eat. Gross. Those bodily functions are private, buddy, you know?
And then one day you ask him how old he is and he's like, "I dunno. Like, seven?"
This... this child has been alive for less time than you've been out here!
He tells you that he's an adult- that his species lives much shorter lives than yours. Cognitively, you accept this. You know that different species have different lifespans. After all, there are complex life forms on your planet that only live for a handful of years. Some of them your species keeps as pets.
But while those other species are social, and intelligent in a way... They're just not intelligent like you and this alien are.
Holy shit, did this kid seriously just tell you he's seven years old???
I don't care how much you tell yourself, "My new alien friend is an adult." Some small part of you is still gonna be like:
"Welp. Is anyone else gonna look after this insanely gifted alien orphan child, or do I just have to adopt him myself?"
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the idea that hollander "tamed" rozanov is really funny to shane because like. ilya finds it hot and is always going along with it, yes of course my husband is so sexy why do you think i moved to this boring fucking city. for dick. meanwhile shane knows the truth which is that ilya tamed himself. he herded shane like a sheepdog until he was exactly in the right position for ilya to flop down at his feet and say i love you, i am a one man guy, sleep with other people if you want but you are it for me, so shane is always there like ??? ilya. what are you talking about. i was literally prepared to be a secret slot on your roster for the rest of time without even admitting that i was gay until you decided to have me over make me lunch and say my name while you come like a love confession and ilya goes lyubmiyy. shut up. i was untamable you tamed the untamable and so shane has to be like yes, baby, i worked so hard, i used all my tricks but he's rolling his eyes because ilya wants to be a wolf shane coaxed inside to sleep on the hearth but instead he's a cat who snuck through the window and fell in love with his prey. self domesticated. and this is just one of the many perfect games they play
eridian children in Grace’s class interested but slightly disappointed to learn that much earth life is bilaterally symmetrical with even numbers of limbs
Grace going “oh!! But!” and teaching them about starfish, to their absolute delight
new eridian schoolchild trend of starfishing aka flopping flat down with all legs out and moving by wiggling and squirming around, giggling. parents hooting at Grace in despair. why did you teach them this
[ID: A Project Hail Mary comic drawn on paper with warm brown and gold circles at the top of the page. Grace explains to his class, "Unlike Eridians, humans are bilaterally symmetrical. But there are animals on Earth that are pentalaterally symmetrical like starfish! Scientific name Asteroidea, they are a class of marine..." Little diagrams of a human and starfish with lines of symmetry are shown.
We cut to Grace's class. One Eridian student is happily doing jazz hands while multiple others have dropped their carapaces to the floor and splayed their limbs out, happily chittering and exclaiming, "Look! We are starfish!" Rocky yells, "What did Grace tell the pebbles this time..." while Grace sweats. End ID]
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