A Lady of Three Outs

Ilya always had been a light sleeper, so no matter how lightly they stepped he was awake moments after the first shocked gasp.

Ilya knows it’s over for him. There’s no mistaking that there’s a man asleep on his chest in a clearly non-platonic cuddle. Usually Ilya would be punching the intruder, threatening violence to try and ensure they kept their mouth shut but he has quickly realised something far more important. With the way they are sleeping, Ilya on his underneath on his back and Shane on his stomach on top with his face pressed into the gap between Ilya’s neck and the couch, they can’t see his face.

He quickly pulls Shane’s hood up over his head to hide hair and rests a hand over it to gently discourage Shane from moving it should he start to wake up.

So Ilya just stares down his team and goes “you can be upset, but are going to be fucking quiet about it because if you wake my guest I’m sending all my blackmail on you to your wives, and then start fucking them to help them get over the divorce.”

So the whole “You’re fucking gay!” “No, I’m a fucking bi who is fucking a gay” conversation happens at a furious whisper, with Shane blissfully sleeping on Ilya’s chest as life implodes around him.

Shane may be a deep sleeper - and the argument in whispers - but even he starts to stir at the noise.

Ilya can’t have him moving his face into visibility now, so he just scruffs the back of his neck harshly and pressed him deeper into his shoulder.

Shane lets out a pleased (and not at all quiet) moan, and - worried that he is going to start talking - Ilya realises he needs to shut him up.

So he glares at the Bears to be quiet, while suddenly putting on the softest voice they have ever heard him use as he goes, “shhh quiet time now mоя любовь. Back to sleep.” And then shoves his fingers into Shane’s mouth.

and everyone is posting their 4th of july manis

except this year its very few american flags and red white and blue and stars.

and a LOT of pond scum inspiration

Shane’s nails are scrambling down Ilya’s back, leaving dark marks, his breaths are loud hiccuping gasps and cut off moans and his head is rubbing against the mattress under him squirming wriggling head thrown back in pleasurepleasurepleasure and god Shane loves being fucked so much. And Ilya growls and starts fucking him harder, deeper, somehow and Shane just gasps out.

“Love your cock oh my god” and Ilya is nodding frantic into his throat, biting at his neck. “For you” Ilya slurs out and Shane goes “yeah? It’s for me?” And his voice is pitchy and dazed and he’s he’s so fucking hard leaking wet and messy all over his cock and hip. Ilya nods nods and says “yes sweetheart for you” and Shane whines, broken sound and his toes curl and his leg kicks out, a jolt of his prostate being bullied by Ilya’s thick cock and Shane is nodding and is all.

“Yes, fuck my cock, all mine, belongs to me” and ilya is whining like a puppy, biting at Shane’s ears, jaw. And Shane is being fucked beyond thought, sense.

“Mine mine mine” Shane breathe, his hand fists tight into the back of Ilya’s curls and pulls, twists hard.

“My fucking cock Ilya. Made for me, made just for me, isn’t it? To fuck me like this- oh god” he shakes because he’s so close but he can’t stop “you belong to me, your cock belongs to me Ilya belongs inside me I’ll look after it I’ll always make it feel so good I promise I promise it’s all mine I’ll be so good to it. Love your cock. My cock” and Ilya is like.

Jesus Christ. I’m going to die. He feels insane, at being owned, at being made for Shane and knowing how badly he’s needed at Shane, Shane Hollander being possessive of him.

And Luca and the other rookies being like, oh you mean the Dad-Trifecta? it's the best thing that has ever happened to us.

You loose your skates or you need help with paperwork or you're just feeling kinda sad and need a dad hug - you go Bood. he will grill you some chicken and go speak to Coach for you. You call him or Cassie if you're sick and they will pick you up and deposit you on the floor with Milo and you are their baby now. I'm 23 years old but that's my dad tho

If you're having trouble with other players, or if you're in like, a crisis? Mama Bear Ilya, will 100% get arrested for any of us and/or pick you up from the middle of nowhere any time of night. You wanna ragebait other players? He has the perception of a God and can tell from one look when a players second wife will leave him. He can also tell when you're feeling like shit mentally and he will pick you up take you to Harris farm and make you dog walk with him while throwing sweets at you. Holmberg got high sticked the other week Ilya spent like, 2 hours going through the guys Instagram with us while wine drunk and ripping his entire life to pieces with us.

The entire Boston roster piling behind Marly as he types, trying to decide what to say that could save them because their captain has been possessed by the spirit or a soviet military trainer with knife shoes and if they are forced to make double bagskates again they will either puke or die or both.

Planking. Everywhere

Making a music video to “Like A Boss” by The Lonely Island in the Raider’s training facility

ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, multiple times, always shirtless. Some of his notable nominations include a Raider’s assistant coach, Gritty, Shane Hollander, and then-sitting Vice President Joe Biden

The cinnamon challenge (fucked up his breathing for days but refused to acknowledge any discomfort bc Russians Do Not Do This)

Ghost pepper challenge (he ended up crying, made Connors delete the video, and threatened all present to secrecy)

Chubby Bunny challenge (Marly won and posted the video himself)

Gallon of milk challenge (Marly threw up and it was decided the video was too gross to post)

Ghost pepper challenge, again (went the same as the first attempt)

Harlem Shake in the Raiders locker room, obviously

Mannequin challenge during a Raiders practice, also obviously