kissingpractice on ao3🍒🔞

It is key to my personal #myshane that he does not have an autism diagnosis. As a kid he was maybe brought to a specialist, and they looked at him and diagnosed him with Rambunctious Little Boy, because it was the 90s and he wasn't experiencing any significant delays! He was just throwing himself in puddles constantly, and he never stopped wiggling, and his favorite game was Toddler Rave Chamber, in which he shut himself in the bathroom and flickered the lights off and on for as long as it took for his parents to find and stop him.  

Wrapping small child Shane in heavy, sweaty hockey gear was an unexpected lifeline in the ongoing battle he's been waging against his body. Gear is heavy. It pressed him into himself. Any sweaty feeling was a bonus, because wet fabric against skin is A Distinct Feeling and that feeling also helped him get the minimum sensory input needed to function effectively. Underarmor would also be a favorite. 

(For context: my brother is an autistic sensory seeker. Aside from the ongoing sensory stuff he has very low support needs at this point in his life. I am pulling from Life Experience living with him, I am not spouting autism stereotypes out my ass)

I don't know if monkey bars were a playground staple for Canadian kids in the 90s, but the proprioceptive input from them is GREAT for baby Shane. He's too socially aware to do any visible repetitive motion stims, but sports and playground equipment that involve flinging himself around in space are the best. If there's a convenient puddle on that playground, you'd better believe be is sticking his feet in it. Wet shoes are heavy and heavy things on his body Feel Nice.  

peer reviewing some tags here because yeah!!! I understand the desire to project our own Fandom Nerd flavors of neurodivergence onto our blorbos, but I don’t think Shane has the same quirks as many of us in the fandom!! He’s got that jock flavor!! When he stands like he’s never been in a human body before, THATS one of his autism quirks. When he asks questions that make Ilya do That Face, when he goes on a micro expression journey that you really need to pay attention to because the emotions aren’t visibly showing the way they might on other character’s faces, THOSE are his canon quirks.

Hockey is his space where he fully understands all the rules for behavior, and he is totally comfortable in that space! Maybe in a different context he would hate some of the sensations, idk. In the canon we see on screen, hockey (and the noise and lights and crowds and being slammed around) is what he knows and understands and feels the most comfortable with. He doesn’t have to ask questions or forget how to move his body or remember to make appropriate faces at things. It’s his place where he can exist and be comfy and get The Right Feelings.

Gritty chirped Ilya on twitter then flirts with Shane after they come out. the new hot hockey twitter beef is the ongoing battle for the hand of the prettiest hockey princess in the land

It is key to my personal #myshane that he does not have an autism diagnosis. As a kid he was maybe brought to a specialist, and they looked at him and diagnosed him with Rambunctious Little Boy, because it was the 90s and he wasn't experiencing any significant delays! He was just throwing himself in puddles constantly, and he never stopped wiggling, and his favorite game was Toddler Rave Chamber, in which he shut himself in the bathroom and flickered the lights off and on for as long as it took for his parents to find and stop him.  

Wrapping small child Shane in heavy, sweaty hockey gear was an unexpected lifeline in the ongoing battle he's been waging against his body. Gear is heavy. It pressed him into himself. Any sweaty feeling was a bonus, because wet fabric against skin is A Distinct Feeling and that feeling also helped him get the minimum sensory input needed to function effectively. Underarmor would also be a favorite. 

(For context: my brother is an autistic sensory seeker. Aside from the ongoing sensory stuff he has very low support needs at this point in his life. I am pulling from Life Experience living with him, I am not spouting autism stereotypes out my ass)

I don't know if monkey bars were a playground staple for Canadian kids in the 90s, but the proprioceptive input from them is GREAT for baby Shane. He's too socially aware to do any visible repetitive motion stims, but sports and playground equipment that involve flinging himself around in space are the best. If there's a convenient puddle on that playground, you'd better believe be is sticking his feet in it. Wet shoes are heavy and heavy things on his body Feel Nice.  

I just think it would be an appropriately unhinged game for hollanov to play, especially if we're in show-verse where they both know ilya is the only man Shane's ever been with, so there's this extra layer of irony where they're kind of going "Wouldn't it be crazy if Shane cheated on Ilya? It would be sOoo crazy. Because it would never happen. Ever." Kind of them spoofing their own virginity and monogamy kinks.

And if they're playing the version where ILYA is the supposed cheater, Shane gets to retroactively have the make-up sex he kind of secretly always thought he deserved every time he saw pics of Ilya stumbling out of clubs with various hot women, except this time Shane gets to feel justified in his jealousy. (Also then Ilya gets to pull the classic fuck boy movie on him to coax him back to bed, which we all know Shane is crazy for)

And of course, all of this is extremely sexy because afterwards they get to revel in how obsessed with each other they are, and reaffirm how they're the only one for each other. My crazy codependent freaks 💕💕💕

The best part about this is I can genuinely imagine it being cathartic for Shane especially. Like yes they've moved past their hookup era and they're committed and married and they've probably had some couple's therapy where they hash this shit out and come out stronger on the other side. But that doesn't mean that Shane isn't able to reach into that well of jealousy from when he was 22 and experiencing the first ghosting of his entire life from the man who fucked him sweetly IN HIS OWN BED. You cannot tell me that he didn't see pictures of Ilya out with women during that whole thing and genuinely think about violence

Catch him telling Ilya to go sit on the porch for fifteen minutes and then when he comes back in the lights are all off and Shane is in one of the swiveling kitchen stools which he then spins around on, uses his phone to turn every light in the kitchen on FUCK YOU brightness and say, "I saw those pictures of you and that girl. Pink hair, Ilya, really?" And Ilya instantly knows exactly which Instagram model Shane is referring to. He hasn't spoken to her in nine years but, also, if you Google 'Ilya Rozanov', to this DAY the fifth or sixth image result is one of him with his tongue in that girl's mouth.

Rules:

You send me a word.

If I have the word, I give you the sentence.

If I don't have the word, I have to write three sentences, or edit three paragraphs.

He watches a highlight reel of Ilya celebrating with his line and realizes he's just going to have to accept it.