I AM THE UNKILLABLE FAGGOT

when the blackberry bushes have thorns to discourage mammals from monopolizing the consumption of their fruits and encourage birds to spread their seeds but they don’t know that the mammal in question is ME #notdiscouraged

#ow

#stuck

Transcendent in my tummy

I have a similar reaction to good pho

if you are on mobile good news! you can just move your phone around and it is like you are driving maisy car around the real world!

Every once in a while, I wish the friendship meter from the Sims was real so that way when people tell me "I used Chat-GPT" they can visually see just how much respect I just lost for them in that moment.

One time an acquaintance told me she entered Snape's star chart into chatgpt and I could physically feel that meter dropping three separate times over the course of her sentence

phm is decently popular in japan and i mostly see this when i check twitter and see accounts posting pictures of handmade rocky plushies that are so fucking round looking it brings a tear to my eye

sometimes the author’s barely disguised fetish is YOUR barely disguised fetish and has nothing to do with the author at all

hey so a bunch of people have taken this post as an opportunity to decry interpreting media sexually/suggestively at all and it’s pissing me off. joining the war on eroticism on the side of eroticism. #ThatCigaretteIsAPenis

Sometimes your bad coworker will be like "I can't do anything right & I ruin everything I touch :(" and you can't even comfort them because like damn. Yeah. You really can't do anything right and you do ruin everything you touch☝️

HE'S GETTING FIRED. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!

thank you for tuning in to faggot fm i’m your dj sexchange.com we've got some hits lined up for you tonight. semen and girlfunkel, joan bi-ez, gay bob dylan and kicking us off as always are the normal beatles

When that post nut clarity hits and you remember that you killed him 20 years ago

Referring to someone as your “partner” sounds as if you are deliberately obscuring their gender and may subtly out you. “My ex”, however, is entirely unobtrusively gender-neutral. #breakupallrelationships

"I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy" You are weak as Fuck boy

so strange when people assume 'waking up early' means increased productivity bc no??? im awake so i can read fanfic in bed before breakdown

BREAKFAST