well put me in a leather vest and call me a cowboy

richard nixon is q*eer because he did watergate, subverting the societal expectation we all had for him to not do watergate

what doesn’t kill you makes your nervous system more sensitive for the rest of your life

Genuine question why the fuck is February only allowed have 28 days? why can't we just give it one of January's and March's extras and even the score to 30. what fucklehead is responsible for this conniving calendar thievery

well shit we really did just let the romans get away with any ole thing huh

bonus effect: you can really piss off everyone who does things by lunar cycles

Unless you wanna go out there with some rockets and push the moon yourself, the solar and lunar calendars are never going to match, and there is no point in trying to make them. If you live a life that needs both solar and lunar calendars then you are simply always going to need two calendars.

sometimes you trap a male false black widow under a cup in the middle of the night because he was roaming around on your ceiling looking for female spider pheromones and then his harmless dumb ass fell straight onto your bed so you had to contain him because you were tired and wanted to sleep. and sometimes that spider is no longer in that cup the next morning. as haunting as it is his determination is honestly kinda inspiring. chase your dreams little man hope you get spider laid

so, I hadn’t seen him since he escaped from his cup prison the other day (I did, however, find a ridiculously tiny vampire bite mark on my tummy— it did not swell or itch, like I said, he’s harmless), and I came home today to find ants swarming my bathroom. and there he was, following the trail and making a meal of em. He really got his revenge by biting me (pathetically) and then made an effort to prove his worth. I think we’re basically best friends now

the pwning of a sacred noob

the thing about "people have talked about it you're just 21" is that it's not really "young people are stupid" it's more "if you come into an academic discussion you should know what people have said on the matter lest you talk out your ass"

˙ʇɐqʇᴉnɹɟ ɐ ǝɯoɔǝq oʇ pǝpᴉɔǝp ǝʌ,I

putting ketchup on fries is too permanent for me … i have to dip . i control the sauce

Your father use to roleplay as a tape worm for my pleqsure

hope he did a good job at least. Didn't embarrass the whole family.

He strutted his shit kinda

AU where instead of trying to cure her infertility Yennefer just goes around saving random people’s lives and invoking the law of surprise bcos she figures sooner or later it’ll net her a baby. she hasn’t got one yet but she has amassed about 2 dozen dogs so she’s doing pretty well for herself.

Okay but her doing this beFORE Geralt does it and when she finds out that he only had to invoke the law of surprise ONCE to get a baby she goes absolutely feral on him. Just dead silent, furious, finally starts pulling off her jewelry like, “bard, hold my earrings.”

“It’s one human baby, Geralt. How much could it be, like 10 dogs?”