aough ourgh

dilligently making it splash all up in my buddys terlet while he plays fortnite or whatevar with them big fat supid fucking headphones on before putting the lid down, slithering my medically obese ass out the window without wiping o flushing, running back around and frantically knocking on his front dooor until he gets up and andswers me, begging to use his bathroom please i'm starting to shit myself, running past him, tackling him down to the floor befoe he can answer, crawling up the stairs on all fours, ripping the bathroom door off its hingers as well as the toilat seat before seeing what i left in there, letting out a bloodcurdling scream heard throughought the neighborhood, he gets up and runs aftar me, finds me dead with a look of sheer horror on my face pointing at the toilet. ignores it, goes back down to his room but all his gay little xboylivefriends heard the commotion and my womanly shriek and think he left the match on blood gulche to have sex for 1 minute even, start calling him a zero pump chump, he gets super embarrased, leaves the call, theyre all messaging him, going, hey man, we didnt mean it, get back on buddy cmon its no fun without you. but he's not checking his phone rn....

The toilet exists for me to use.

Fan fic writers act like they’re a marginalized class and not tumblr search result terrorists

Anthony bourdains show would never be made in this era of time cause cool white guys don’t exist anymore. They’re all smoll beans or Hitler

Harry du bois rolling in the ground moaning and eating dry cheerios out of a zip lock bag

Cool. You bought weed from "Dr. Styx N. Twigs." With my money. No, I really am not mad.

(violently jerking the steering wheel) my car swerves like crazy when i do this

he didn't say that

Yes she did