Erotic Trevor

chantssecrets: @erotictrevor - You amaze me time and again with the way you delve into your own self-portrait and shed light on it from different, new, and sometimes unexpected angles. I can only express my wonder and admiration.

Thank you @chantssecrets since I am not openly exhibiting currently, I like to be very specific about how I curate the content on this blog. Unlike one of my other blogs where I truly tried to not post repeats of my work this one has been a bit looser in repeating post. But I also found it a good exercise to take a look back at the work I have accumulated in over thirty-five years. I have included out-takes from photoshoots pulled right from the contact sheets, or the original film.

I have more recently also expanded that to include going through my old SD cards, as I previously mentioned, revisiting work that had been sitting untouched for decades. I did this with my '07 Peru series exploring very dark, moody and low-contrast self portraits taken at a very different place in my life. I have also been scanning old 4"x6" prints and delving into my early '08 MacBook Pro to pull RAW files and jpegs from my first point and shoot cameras and my DSLR.

The big thing is I don't talk about it, I just post it. This blog has never been one to garner great conversation, other than some passing lewd comments, so I just try to let the work speak for itself. Personally I too was surprised at the intimacy and variety of some of the unpublished shots from the ''16 Tar Beach series, so it's just as much a surprise to me to revisit, process the work and publish it.

Something else that also amazes me is my continual creativity, I try not to get caught up in folks who seem to get accolades for work that seems mediocre compared to my own, and trust I realize that I am not the most technically polished self-portrait artist, albeit that can be part of the appeal of the work. It sometimes get's frustrating to see folks who more or less post the same poses get the loudest applause. Or just because of their more "traditional appearance" get an outrageous number of ❤️'s.

I have never denied the reality of how race, the amount of melanin in your skin, how traditionally you perform gender roles, and how queer you appear plays a role into not only how you're perceived but how the work is consumed. It's sad to me when folks don't recognize the artistry in what I do, I also shouldn't have to write a dissertation explaining body dysmorphia, colorism, hetero-normativity or reposting a think piece on how just because a body is unclothed doesn't mean something explicit or sexual is happening.

One of the things I have said about all my work, whether it be my intimate self-portraits, my erotic nudes of others, my bold saturated abstract pieces, my fashion-forward clothed selfies or just my other mundane photography, I feel the work is always beautiful. I have struggled my entire adult life to find the beauty in myself, and this is something that has spilled into all of my work attempting to find beauty where others may not see any. It's the one thing I would hope that viewers walk away with, they may not have enjoyed the subject material or even the person behind the work, but it was a beautiful photograph.

Lastly on some levels it's me getting my house in order, not that I think everything on the internet is long-lived, by publishing this work and understanding that human nature forces folks to copy and usually share things in other places, I am hoping to increase the longevity of my work so maybe some of the pieces will survive long after I expire. Even if it's uncredited I would love if my images live on, and maybe one hundred years from now folks will talk about a particular image in a way that we do about the first photographs and self-portraits.

I am under no illusions that my work is brilliant or even special, but I would believe in the context of talking about Black queer art, and art related to body positivity and acceptance, that I would at least be considered as a footnote in a historical context. I don't for a minute think I have necessarily done anything new, but my artistic voice does have a nuance that isn't often captured. My multiple intersectional identities which are often in conflict with each other also creates a unique space for what I am presenting. It's not often we even talk about femme dom tops, less explore their non-binary, dark-skinned, gender non-conforming older bodies.

I am not some traditionally handsome, cis-gendered whyte dude espousing all those societally accepted norms. I am other, I am love that dare not speak it's name, I am the formerly same gender loving person who's gender is no longer binary. I am the one who should get over thinking that inclusivity of the queer communities is a falsehood and scam. I am the geek contrarian who can actually dress themselves, and have a competent conversation across a number of topics. I am the one who was never fully accepted by their family, and didn't even realize it, because I was out there living my best life. I am the uncomfortable conversation you want to avoid, so it makes sense that my work isn't easily and readily embraced. Regardless I will continue to present who and what I am with no additional comment, because when something is beautiful it needs no words to tell you that, your heart will feel it.