Just to be totally clear me and the person in the photo, who I will be discussing in this essay, are no longer friends, that is all behind us. But back in college we were close-ish, young, gay, still trying to figure it all out. I wasn't aware of my childhood sexual abuse, it would be easily another thirteen years before I was informed that that was indeed abuse, and easily another decade before I came to some resolution around it, which ultimately led to my current celibacy.
But in college I was sowing my wild oats as it were. I mean some folks drank, me I fucked. What led me to wanting to talk about this a little was the memory of me and this friend spending the night together in his single in the quads. The reason for this probably eludes me, but was more than likely because my roommate Rob had his girlfriend over, and even though my presence in the room wasn't a deterrent, I asked this friend to spend the night with him.
As I said it was a single, so one bed, so we slept together, well not 'slept together', but went to sleep in the same bed. But we did do a little sexual experimenting. Now by this point I think I had fellated this friend before, with another friend who had a single in my dorm back in the towers, so I was aware that he was a girthy-fellow. This was something that fascinated me because up until this time any penises I had sucked were more or less average-sized.
While we were still up I had suggested that I attempt to mount him, just to see if I could take something so thick. I want to be clear, this was nearly a clinical experiment, not a sexual overture, we were both in our late teens, about to soon leave them, obviously our hormones and sexual drives were a lot more active, and we both had a certain level of curiosity of being so new to everything. Then there was just the freedom of being out of our parents homes, on our own and the excitement of our freshly realized gay identities.
I am not trying to occlude what exactly we did, so I am going to say it plainer. My friend was going to penetrate me with his penis. I remember at this age, getting an erection wasn't even a thing, I don't think I had to encourage him, he may have gotten aroused just by the suggestion. I want to paint a clear mental picture that there wasn't foreplay, or any other inappropriate touching, we were just attempting to see if the physics were possible, something appropriate for two freshman, to try a little science experiment on their own. #ExtraCredit
He had a condom, I can't recollect if he had lube, but let's say he did. He lied in his bed on his back and I took off whatever bottom I was wearing, probably just underwear. I straddled him, mounting in a direction where I was facing him, and I did manually attempt to guide him inside of my anus. I will admit it took a bit of work to get him past my external sphincter, but soon he was passing my internal sphincter to the sweet spot of my inner rectum.
I remember finally being seated on his pelvis completely as his engorged member was filling up my anal canal brilliantly. Remember how I said we didn't have sex? I maintain that, and I wish we were talking so I could confirm what my foggy memory recalls. I sat on him maybe a minute or two, and dismounted, he didn't fuck me, albeit at that point I may have wanted him to, we were friends, and we were just trying something out. I also didn't want to be deceptive, if that makes sense, I had told him I just wanted to see if he could fit, and did just that. Taking it further would have been a violation not only of trust, but what we had agreed to.
That may have been the last sexually-related thing we did, after being caught by my short-term boyfriend, literally on my knees with one of two friends cock's in my mouth, I think I just kept things plutonic with this friend moving forward. Mind you there were many others who weren't friends that I gladly partook of during my three semesters at the college.
Curiously I haven't any regrets about any of my behavior during this time, even sort of cheating on my boyfriend. I mean it was definitive cheating, but it was also just a compulsion from the sexual abuse. My hyper-sexuality was still fully in effect, even if I didn't know the reason for it. Being in college and away from my regular oral-partner back home, I sort of missed fellating someone regularly, and albeit I did have a boyfriend, having a boyfriend was something new, navigating a relationship was a frontier I hadn't really explored before. Coupled with being on a college campus where seriously no one would turn down a little head, didn't help the situation at all.
Ultimately I look at all of it as sexual experimenting, figuring out what it was you liked, enjoyed, craved, desired et. al. There were also not a lot of restrictions stopping you from partaking of all the local delicacies, and I did just that. I can still recall Ryan Dieterle who was this amazing receptive partner who auto-lubricated, I don't think since him I have ever met a partner who had that ability. That coupled with the very desirable shape of his derrière, its no wonder we both fell into a habit of not using protection. He would later die of AIDS, I have a photo of his square from the AIDS Memorial Quilt. I would like to think that my very fond sexual memories of him, would be something he was proud of, I know I am.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âĸ No registration required âĸ HD streaming
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âĸ No registration required âĸ HD streaming
Yeah I know she didn't ask for all of that, but Imma tell the truth, particularly in the shadow of our society coming to terms with folks who have great accomplishments but do bad things. I could see clearly she was loving all the lighting tricks that Mike Lee was putting together for our 2006 New Jersey photoshoot. You know what, I won't take away his talents for making a lot of money and being able to spend it on a hobby that enhanced his personal fetish and desires.
Shots fired. No, let's be clear I am not coming for Mr. Lee, but also let's be honest Mr. Lee was a mediocre photographer at best. What Mr. Lee had was affluence, that allowed him a large disposable income in which he could use as he saw fit. He purchased a lot of camera equipment and probably upgraded his cameras often to the latest and newest technology.
Mr. Lee also had made a promise to someone, in sickness and health and all that jazz. Mr. Lee used his job and all the traveling he did for it, as a scape goat for his low-key sexual addiction, now that is an unfounded embellishment. But he had an entire Flickr account dedicated to all the women he put his penis inside of. Thousands of pictures and dozens of women, none of which I am sure were his wife, who also sired his kids.
You may be thinking, why am I going in like this? The reason being is Mr. Lee like so many men with wealth thought the rules didn't apply to him. I think the dude is primarily straight, but if he could get his dick wet, and get a photograph of it, I am sure he would. I am thinking he may have also done dudes who he just didn't post to this Flickr account, I know this because he thought I would fellate him. I refused and continued with our photoshoot as we had agreed to.
Now I can't recall if his request came at our first or second photoshoot, it would be logical to think it came after the second, and that his first shoot was an attempt to groom me, to get me prepared for his illicit advance. This was twenty years ago I can't be abso-smurfly sure about that level of detail, but it makes sense that he was getting me ready to be his next conquest. This supposition doesn't fall apart because that second photoshoot was our last.
I have said all of this to say, I am cool with a dude getting his swerve on, I have sowed my royal oats every which way and up. I would never knock someone's hustle. But don't think I am going to help you violate the promise you made to someone else. Don't think I am going to conveniently forget you've told me about your wife and kids, because I am so thirsty for your little cock. #BoyBye
The duplicity never sat right with me.
Let's be clear I am not saying I have never had relations with folks who were partnered, because I probably have, but the important thing is not consciously. I never let anyone into my bed, and trust I wasn't that discerning about whom was let in, who I knew was partnered. I am not the most moral person in the world, but that always just felt wrong to me, if you've promised some kind of monogamy to someone else, why are you over in my bedroom?
I am also not that person, to attack the person, my partner cheated with, because I know men lie, or omit, which is in essence still a lie. How can I blame him for not knowing this nigga was already spoken for? I have to give him the benefit of the doubt that he never knew.
I couldn't feign ignorance of Mike Lee's marriage.
That's not who I am.
But I am also not going to sit here after the fact, and put him on some pedestal of artistic excellence, when that just isn't the case. His photographs served the same purpose of a serial killer taking trophies off of his victims, a way to recreate and re-live the experience. And what was he reliving? The constant cheating on his wife with multiple individuals. I can't in good faith co-sign any of that or participate in it.
I need to apologize to Ms. @karlahoney who as I said didn't ask for any of that. Her excitement didn't sit right with me, first because she thought this was my work, and secondly because she didn't really know the artist behind this work, and I felt I should do my due diligence and inform her that he ain't shit. #MicDrop
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âĸ No registration required âĸ HD streaming
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âĸ No registration required âĸ HD streaming
