curiouser and curiouser

[girl in a low cut top voice] i just dont know what it is but everyone is being sooo nice to me today….[grows grave and guarded] they’re conspiring against my reign and they think me a fool

I will buttmog your wife, I will buttmog your son, I will buttmog your zoomer daughter

Women with big curly red hair always have like 12 gay guy friends why is that

And also the indestructibility of that woman's ankles

I absolutely adore dogs but I think dog haters are (usually) more justified than cat haters wrt their reasoning

the kids are calling them "stone fruits." they start off small—think cherries. then they're hooked and they need a quick fix, they get peaches, maybe some nectarines. it's all they can think about. before you know it, they're trying the really hard stuff—apricots, plums. once they taste a mango there's no going back.

a severe thunderstorm warning that doesnt follow through is worse than orgasm denial

mine had a tornado 2day,. , but it was like ,.,, only an hour where i am,,.,,,

I dont come into your house and brag >:(

im literally allowed2,,. im literally th princess

youre right my bad your highness