Wanting To Make Changes

please let me eat ur ass while u fuck another cunt like the dog she is, ill lick and suck and tongue ur ass as u fuck her ass, please let me eat ur ass while u cum in another cunts asshole

please please please sit on my face with ur asshole on my mouth, i only want to breathe u in, i only want to taste and smell u and nothing else while i eat and lick ur asshole for hours and hours until ur satisfied and ur asshole is clean

please please please let me lick ur asshole while ur in the shower, ill eat and lick until ur asshole is clean and ill keep eating until u make me stop, use ur hand to hold the back of my head firm so my face is shoved between ur asscheeks and please don’t let me cum up for air until u think i deserve it

“I GOT THE JOB!”

“I worked really hard!”

After that, this kid was cleaning out the fridge at least once a week, and I was like, “why are you always cleaning the fridge?” Like, I didn’t mind, but it seemed odd. And he said, “one time I cleaned the fridge and you said I did a good job. I wanted to make you proud of me again.”

Literally, I changed the entire way I interacted with teenagers after that. I actually got a package of glitter stars and I would stick them on their nametags when they did a good job, and they loved it.

My manager had commented on how hard these kids work and I said, “they’re starved for positive feedback. They go to school all day then come to work all evening and no one appreciates it because it’s expected of them, but they’re still kids. They need positive feedback from adults in their lives.”

Teens don’t talk to adults bc adults only ask „so, how‘s school“ to then interrupt them two sentences in. And because they can’t engage in a conversation about buying houses and working in a bank. I would’ve loved to talk about philosophy and politics and history with family the way I did with friends and in class but because I was young no one took what I had to say seriously.

And no, teens aren’t always on their phone. They’re on their phone when they’re bored. You think I‘m on social media when I‘m with my friends? When I‘m talking about something I‘m interested in?

Very frequently, when I first speak to a child while I’m at work, they’ll kind of withdraw and act uncomfortable and shy. Their parents will then rather frequently tell them to not be shy and try to coax them to talk to me – whenever that happens, I always, without fail, politely dissuade the parents from pressuring them.

“I’m a stranger,” I’ll tell the kid’s parents. “I don’t blame them for not talking to me – if they were anywhere else, they’d have the right idea, to not immediately trust me.”

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen that same kid – simply after hearing their initial reaction being validated, instead of reproached – immediately open up to me after that. I also cannot tell you how many times that child and I would go on to start a friggin’ marathon conversation, and I got to hear all about how great their day was or what their favorite Disney movies were or what rides they liked and didn’t like or how much they like a certain Disney character or song…all from me validating that initial feeling and showing genuine interest in what they had to say.

This isn’t just young children, either. I will always remember being positioned outside the Animation Academy one day and starting up a conversation with a young lady, perhaps 12 or 13, who joined the line with her father a full 25 minutes before the class was supposed to start. Now keep in mind, we do a drawing class every 30 minutes: there was no one else in line at that point, and no one else joined the girl and her father in line for a full fifteen minutes. So I could tell pretty quickly that this girl was very emotionally invested in getting a good spot for the drawing class: a conclusion all the more bolstered by the fact that she had a notebook under her arm. I asked her if she was an artist – she said yes, but seemed uncomfortable at the question, so I skipped even asking her if I could see her work, instead admitting that I myself wasn’t very good at art, but that I’m trying to get better and that I love the history of Disney animation. On the screens around us was video footage of different Disney concept art and animation reels, so I pointed one of them out (for Snow White) and asked if she knew the story behind the making of the movie. Upon confirming that she didn’t, I proceeded to get down on the floor so I could sit next to her and her father and dramatically tell the whole story of how “Uncle Walt” created the first full-length animated motion picture, even though everyone and their mother thought he was an idiot for even trying, and how the film ended up becoming the first Hollywood blockbuster. After the story was over, the girl’s father said that his daughter really wanted to be an animator when she grew up, and she finally felt comfortable enough to open her notebook and show me some of her artwork. It was wonderful! Every sketch had such character and you could tell how much work she put into it! And I could tell how much telling her that – and sharing that moment with her, where we got to connect over something we both really enjoyed – had meant. And after the class was over, she sought me out to show me what she and her father had drawn – and sure enough, hers was great! (Her father’s was too, really. XD)

-~-

I feel like I am obliged to add one more thing: don’t ever think that the kids won’t feel your unspoken judgements cause they do!

I felt always like a ‘problem’ in my family, until I was about sixteen, I got this teacher who was litterally the first to tell I was worthy. He changed my life up till this day.

M, when I first met her, was 14. She was a pistol, for sure, and didn’t trust me. One time she got irate enough at me to yell, “Stay out of my life!”

“Sure. Ok.”

You’d think I had thrown a bucket of ice water onto her with that. She stood there speechless.

I slowly worked to earn her trust. (And by slowly we’re talking Months here.) I was always ready to help but only if she consented to it. I didn’t push but was available when she was ready.

She had the occasional meltdown with me, going so far once to yell at me in front of everyone. She wasn’t disciplined or punished for it. (She did need it that day and I understood her frustration and also that she felt safe acting honestly with me about it.) I had a parent ask me why she wasn’t disciplined for her behavior.

“Why discipline her when I’ve worked so hard to earn her trust where she feels safe enough to express herself? Why punish her when I’ve worked long and hard to get her to open up completely?”

We’ve kept in touch and I’ve been there to talk, listen, give wisdom when she asks (everything is on her terms which is fine with me.) and helping how she needs. I’ve got head to head with a parent when they were being callous and cruel and told them off for not being supportive and encouraging.

She told me a few years later I was the first person in her life to respect her boundaries - including her parents.

Her 20th b'day was earlier this week. A before and now photo, commenting how she was a complainer and much teen angst and woe is me. (She did have some stuff going on behind the scenes which she did speak about later on - years later on) and how now she’d been through real trauma (not my story to tell) and was broken but had amazing friends and mentors who have been there for her to help her grow as a person and heal some from it.

I didn’t say anything publicly (not my style) but I did DM her and ask, “Was I included in that?”

“Yes, especially you.”

“I’m glad to have been there for you.”

M now is one of my success stories - one she brags to her friends about now.

But when friends, strangers, my grandma, or sisters say it? Damn near tears. I’m so mentally starved for validation and praise that it makes me crumble like a cookie in milk.

My husband is much the same way and has cried when I tell him Good Job and I’m Proud of You.

I’m 38, he’s 47.

that’s so messed up that people would do that

in fact, let’s spread it everywhere so everyone knows not to do that

and everyone knows exactly what to do so that they don’t do that

JOHN MULANEY: I normally don’t notice people. I zone out constantly. Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes? I’ve been zoned out since 2014.

AUDEINCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: I just - all day long, I wander into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast. 

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: I can zone out anywhere - I was at the doctor’s office, he was reading me the results of a blood test, it was important I listened, and I zoned out! I was like, “nah, I’m gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts”.

AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOOPS

MULANEY: I was like, “huh. None of the Beatles had moustaches… but then one day, all of them had moustaches.”

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: “That’s weird, I can’t think of a time a group has done that”. Some people in my life don’t want me to zone out as much - they want me to focus, and they want me to be in the moment, and they want me to do this by meditating. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried meditating, but I’ve been trying it. This is how you meditate, okay? You sit on the floor with your back perfectly straight, which I hate more than ISIS -

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight! Alright?! It’s never gonna happen! If meditating was sitting hunched over on the toilet with your elbow on your knee while kind of looking at your phone, I’d be the Dalai Lama.  

AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS

MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight. So you sit up straight, and you breathe, and this helps you stay in the moment. Don’t bother! The moment is mediocre at best!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: I mean, it’s fine. Let’s all try right now - let’s all be in the moment, in silence, right now. [A HALF-SECOND PAUSE] Sucked, right? Not fun at all! 

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: That was boring! You gotta zone out! You have an imagination! You have a movie theatre in your brain that plays fake arguments that you win.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS

MULANEY: Have you ever just been sitting there thinking about something for twenty, twenty-five minutes, and all of a sudden you’re like “oh my god, I’m driving!” and you remember? You’re like -

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: “I’m going seventy-five miles an hour! I have been for a while! I could’ve changed so many lives!” Sometimes, my wife - I have this wife - she’ll be like, “are you watching the road?” and I’m always like, “I am looking through the windshield.”

AUDIENCE LAUGHS