what do you mean my brain now associates embarrassment with him? i think about us and feel rage and embarrassment, as if i'd accidentally tied my soul and flesh to a stranger. the same embarrassment you feel when you run your mouth too much with a total stranger, and only later realise what you did. i think about our late night conversations, about how i now know everything about me and about how he now knows everything about me. i think about the cuddles, the sex and the tears, about the breakup, and feel deep embarrassment thinking about the man i loved. i'm not even sure i'm still in love with him. i can't even think about his face for longer than a second before cringing. i don't even want to think about the sound of his voice. subconsciously i'm trying to convince myself that i am in love and that this will fix itself, because it'd be easier. the thought of having to get to know yet another soul one day, and possibly go through this again makes me sick to my stomach. but at the same time, how could i even fall in the first place?
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