we talk about how people characterize female sexual pleasure as an absence of objection instead of the presence of desire (as in, what women are willing to put up with, not what we actually actively want) but i notice this dynamic in other social situations
people pretend that women should only protest negative treatment, that we can’t be unhappy simply with an absence of positives. Women are given way less room to reject situations where we don’t benefit in any way and are socialized to accept those situations often and happily. I’ve noticed my entire life that people resist me SO much if i try to figure out if i’m being taken advantage of. Salary negotiations are fraught and managers take me negotiating personally. Any job negotiation is fraught. Friendships and relationships are fraught when instead of me constantly providing to you, i’m providing to you with the caveat of, “By the way, I noticed you haven’t done anything for me in a long time, and i’m unhappy about that.” “how dare you notice!” over and over again
However your life will INSTANTLY get a lot better if you can force yourself to adopt a mindset of walking into every situation wondering what people can do for you and wondering if this situation is a good fit for you, and rejecting it if it’s not. Job interviews and first dates become very simple. youre not auditioning for someone elses approval, youre trying to figure out if this situation is worth your time or not. Rejections become whatever - why would you want to try to force something with a person or entity that doesnt want you when you could be wanted and cherished elsewhere? Friendships become very black and white, either theyre good or theyre not, either you benefit from each other’s presence in your lives or it’s a net negative. It’s a very simple and beneficial way of viewing the world and, shocker, it is how most men view the world, and one of the reasons they have one over on us in almost every situation.
Also to add: The moment you realise that something or someone is not good, WALK. Don’t stay and negotiate, don’t try to convince the other person to be better, don’t stick it out because “maybe it’ll get better one day” or “This is the best I’ll get”. I remember someone said once that you don’t get a prize for suffering. She’s right.
You have to be okay with exiting a situation that is not to your benefit, regardless of how other people feel, whether it feels good to you or not, or whether it makes you look bad. it will be hard, but it is necessary. You have to get it into your head that your well-being is more important than all of that. Have zero tolerance for anything that does not add tangibly to your life.
It’s never worth sticking around. Leave. (Of course, if you can’t leave immediately, start making preparations to leave. Don’t waste more of your time than you already have. But that goes without saying.)
