who are you calling a mindless philosopher?

Possibly the most horrifying thing that has ever happened to me occurred today. So I’m in a creative writing class at university right now and we had to print out twenty-five copies of our first, one page assignment to distribute to the class. I had to print mine at the computer lab as I don’t have a printer, but here are the three crucial facts that made this the worst mistake of my life.

1. Sometimes, when you log into Google on Chrome, it activates all of your extensions, even ones you’ve deactivated.

2. In high school, my friends and I got really into Ponify (a words replacing chrome extension) and switched the preferences so we could read political articles and have congress get into a “rousing snow ball fight” and the like.

3. Ponify reverted to its original My Little Pony lingo when opened on a new computer’s chrome.

So when I distributed my twenty-five copies of this I noticed the word “everypony”, my heart seized up and dropped into my stomach, and with my imminent death approaching, I began furiously correcting all twenty-five of them. My teacher, confusedly, agreed to let me correct them as I was too infuriated and ashamed to say my mistake aloud. 

I just realized, however, that the line “as she watched the binding fall away in her hand” was changed to “as she watched the binding fall away in her hoof”. 

And I just had to send this email:

⚔️ Sir Gawain 💚

The Green Knight (2021)

Gotta gotta be down, because I want it all

It was only a fish

Remember when?

F I N A L L Y.

after Hephaestion died, he spent maybe 1.5 billion dollars on his funeral which is a conservative estimate 

spent all night weeping over the body until they dragged him away

extinguished a light only reserved to signify the death of the king (i.e. himself, Alexander the Great)

went to the oracle and petitioned to have Hephaestion granted the status of a god but was denied

nine months later, was still planning expensive monuments dedicated to his pal, except then he died, so what can you do

people say the only thing that ever defeated Alexander the Great was Hephaestion’s thighs

there’s so much more