When I came out, I was SO scared I was gonna get disowned. I wrote a letter to my parents, sent it to their emails, put a physical copy on the counter, and left the house for a few hours to give them time. In that time I tried coffee for the first time, which was a dreadful idea, and got all jittery. I kept waiting for a text or something but nothing happened.
After a few hours, I didnāt hear back from them so I went home. My parents were home and had stacked a bunch of groceries on top of the letter without opening it. They said āhiā and I said āhiā and went down stairs to the basement. I held my dog and panicked about what to do. My sister, who knew that I had written them a letter of great importance, told me they hadnāt read it yet. She also told me she could ask them to do so. I consented to this and stayed in the basement. A few minutes later my dad knocked on the door and poked his soft smooth little nerd head in and said āhey buddyā and I started crying so hard I almost vomited. He came over and gave me a BIG hug and said that it was gonna be OK, he was OK with this, he knew it must have been hard but he was here for me. He told me he and my mom had already talked years before they had me about how if they had to pick between their faith and their child theyād pick their child. It was a very sweet moment. I came out to my mom later that evening and we were both bawling the whole time.
The day after I came out to my parents, I came out to my brother @inbabylontheywept at a Mexican restaurant and he took it like a champ. That evening my mom took me for a walk and looked almost angry - she said she wanted to make sure that I didnāt use being a woman as an excuse to not go to grad school. I told her I wouldnāt and she instantly looked relieved and happier.
My dad, on the other hand, seemed to struggle with it. He kept asking me if I had a boyfriend, and I told him I did not. He kept asking me if I wanted to go clothes shopping with him and I did not. He kept asking me if I would let him go to some of my shows, and I had NO idea what he was talking about.
Finally, 6 months after coming out, of awkward misgendering and questions that didnāt make sense from my dad, he excitedly pokes his soft smooth little nerd head into my bedroom again and says āI found a movie about Your People.ā My people. I was absolutely bewildered, but he was so excited and I knew he had been trying SO hard so I watched it with him. It was The Birdcage, and it was amazing. It also was revelatory in that I finally realized why my initially-supportive father seemed to be having such a hard time with my pronouns and stuff - he didnāt know what the difference between trans and doing drag was. After the movie he again asked if I would invite him to one of my shows, and I said, āHey dad, you know how about half the world is women?ā And he said āyeah,ā and I said āWell, see, Iām on that half now. Iām not doing drag.ā And it was like a switch flipped in his brain. He was like āomg thatās so easy? I was so confused about what to call you when?ā
Anyway, my parents are charming and my family has been so kind and patient with me, I like sharing the stories of my little wins with them.
A story I didnāt share from this time with my papa was that sometimes heād try and guess if I was using he/him or she/her pronouns based on how I was dressed. Like, more femme = drag = she/her. So one day he was introducing me to someone and he goes āHello! This is myā¦ā and he looks me up and goes āson!ā and I sighed and said ādaughter, dadā and he just looks defeated for a second and said ābut youāre wearing jeans?ā like he was legitimately confused and now that quote just kinda pops into my head sometimes and it makes me laugh š
