* mildeweds , dependent multimuse for fleelangston as penned by elladine , she/her , pst .
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@mildeweds
* mildeweds , dependent multimuse for fleelangston as penned by elladine , she/her , pst .

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LOCATION : the forum ( w / percy @mildeweds )
“i'm not totally sure what all is in here, to be honest. some stuff from home, some stuff i've picked up here…” with here being the two gallon ziplock baggie chock full of everything from cool rocks and broken old broaches to sea shells and loose board game tokens and anything in between. they've got what amounts to a portable junk drawer, a hot glue gun, all the supplies and equipment palladian has to offer and a dream. or at least juliet does. more of a vague vision maybe. “but there's good stuff in there. help yourself to whatever.” there's an almost audible smiley face emoticon in her voice just over what amounts to playing arts and crafts swap meet.
percy likes juliet a lot. she feels like the wooden alcove at the back of their childhood library, threadbare, burgundy plaid cushions, allowing a place for percy to perch and to be. if percy squints, the lighting behind juliet looks just like the glow that would filter in from above, darkening with the sun, knowing that the librarian would keep things open for them an hour extra. percy didn’t often feel like they had an excess of time, but they did in that library alcove, and they do now with juliet, pouring over the pieces she presents with slow blinks as if to fully allow them to sink into the recesses of their mind. “shall we make a funeral shrine?” the question hangs as percy carefully unhooks the safety pin holding their shirt collar together, allowing space to reach in and pull out a piece of dried, once white, coral, painted over black, which they had kept against their chest. “it looks like the mold, doesn’t it?” the piece is held out toward juliet in an offering, warm. a part of it had felt unfair – creating a home for the black mold to grow in and thrive in, then kill it through no fault of its own. percy knew it was a childlike thought, of course, not one they would willingly share, but here felt safe. “to say goodbye. i have this old cigar case, and we can use your rocks and shells to decorate….”
courtney via misha212
“ hey, ” heath says in greeting as he reaches percy, jogging slightly to catch her as she walks through the courtyard. “ glad i caught you, hey, did you do the reading for our lecture this afternoon ? i left my folio back at the fucking castle. ” ( @mildeweds )
percy slows to allow heath to fall into step with them; a smile tossed his way in greeting. “the reading…,” they repeat after him, brows crinkling as an echo of a reminder suddenly reverberates in their thoughts. “oh. that was today?” even though he had already specified this afternoon, percy doesn’t wait for an answer. “what if we make it all up? start throwing around buzzwords with confidence. two of us in on it could make it sound convincing. we’ll talk about how transgression is love since it’s all rooted in passion, and that’s why the tedious mill of booktok tropes will never be sustainable. what do you think? sounds like it could pass. or, we could skip? i think the daffodils are in full bloom now.”
the reminder that percy knew even parts of him rang through his ears as a blaring alarm. as if there was a layer deeper than a scowl or venomous words. the mystery on if he destroyed everything he could touch by chance or purpose. there was regret traced somewhere, but his brainwaves were split on the cause. was the memory turned sour for allowing percy get too close, see too much? or was it laced between allowing his instinct push away as he so habitually did? either way, there was no undoing the choices made. fingertips tapped absentmindedly along the spine of his book, taking note of the pointed comment. 〝 i'm guessing she doesn't have the habit of fucking everything up. 〞it wasn't a self deprecating comment as much as it was fact. ava, at least, didn't push away someone so benevolent. truly, he knew there wasn't a direct threat percy gave. but she was, well, percy. effortlessly lovable. and bash was, well… bash. 〝 no, no. i haven't written in... 〞vulnerability threatened to dance on his tongue, but he bit it back. 〝 i think i'm more meant to focus more on words that are already printed. 〞he noted out, waving the book in his grasp as if it was ultimate proof.
tunnel vision was bash’s real enemy, so caught up in all the bad parts of himself that it clouded over all the good, a constant storm that danced behind his eyes and his words. percy didn’t say anything in response, tried not to think too deeply about the sentiment, and wonder if they fell under that title – one of his fuck ups. she grabbed a tin of ava’s lip balm, helping herself, buying time as she ran the salve across her lips, minty, prickling, and distracting. not enough, though, not when bash mentioned his writing or lack thereof and not when he left certain doors ajar, no matter how slight the space was. percy figured she had nothing else to lose with him, already tossed aside – what could be worse than becoming someone’s shut-out ghost? ghosts can still slip through the cracks. “i don’t think that’s true – i know that’s not true,” she corrected, out of the chair, moving closer until she sat at the edge of where he was, forgetting to keep distance for both their sakes. percy’s eyes bore into bash’s, searching, her hand wrapping around his hand that held the book, gentle but firm. “you can’t say it’s true either. books are nice, but your words – they’re meant to be written down. it’s not either-or. maybe i can help.”

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helplessly, july turns sweet at her compliment, freckles speckle and flush into beached sand across his nose. he does explain things well, thank you very much - tips his bunny hat to ye here and ye there - shows things even better, too. he’d like to know what she’d think of his actual favorite spot at the cloister on the main building in st. cuthbert's. another comfort of a spot, under a tree that covers most of that area in his mind’s moony eye, leaves above in a constat stream of whispers he attempts to decipher with closed eyes and an open heart. one day, he thinks. one day soon, he wishes. “yes! moldgate. sorry that happened,” a quiet laugh that he regrets instantly by coughing and standing upright, voice embarrassingly deepened before settling back to its default timbre. “it, uh - must’ve been quite traumatic but i’m happy this place’d become a sanctuary for you.” he nods with his happiest smile. ”it’d be nice to have company that isn’t concerned with our typical going ons here.” his journal opens again in his head at the sight of her smile upclose, prunes scribbled down fiercely with not the fixed grimace figs had come with, accompanying vocabulary-wise. a dried fruit's wrinkles now dimples by the sweetness within - old and new, familiar and curiously not. a magnetic field unveils itself in the most instinctual of senses when she steps nearer, pushes an almost crazed grin into his lips when he feels that desire mirror her steps to bring them ever closer but he settles with her by his side. rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet playfully. it worsens, of course, when she hands over the pamphlet and he regards her with a quirked brow until his gaze befell the paper in hand, a hundred moons and a production away of the bacchae, all cast stood proud and some bloody with exhausted smiles. “oh, my god...” moved over the memory and how profound and kept in her hand it was, his heart swells. close to a relic when time lapses as fae courts do in his mind. not at all alarmed when he decides he now knows her heart, confirmed then when she speaks. “yeah, we did the bacchae last year. godawful production if you ask me, i’m surprised you found one of these at all. we like to burn each pamphlet we find in a bonfire after shows...” of course, he keeps his tucked away and out of reach where he can’t find it, he’d almost forgotten by now. july sighs with a fond smile. “we had so much fun.. thank you. that was a great memory.” her question perks him up and he’s out of his wistful trance; mischievous, himself again. turning over to face her, july hums inquisitively. “depends — are you good at keeping secrets, percy?”
imagery of torn limbs, splattered blood, lithe movements, and open mouths caught up in revelry danced across her mind. mention of the bacchae provided enough explanation for the contrast at hand, drawing her in closer. the adaptability jules possessed reflected hers with poetry in a way. even if jules expressed distaste for it now, she could feel the energy bounce off of him, just a hint of the larger devotion he likely had to his works past, present, and future. the kind of devotion that didn’t lead to pulling tights over scabbed-up legs or hiding out in dusted-over attics until only silence existed. a gentler kind that only spoke of care in a careless world. suddenly, percy felt fuzzy around the edges, warmth seeping into her bones, reminding her of a fever, a childhood memory of her dad when he was still her dad. the way he piled up blankets on top of the couch, creating a bird’s nest for her to settle onto, a wet rag against her forehead as he sat nearby, his hand on her calf, not holding – just present. then everything went up in flames – jules’ mention of the end-of-year burning, and percy reached to pull the worn pamphlet against her chest in protection – not this one. this one was hers. her father’s hand slipped away along with the fire, but the warmth remained now in jules’ stare and his always-present smile lines. a finger twitched with the want to reach out, to trace along the corner of his mouth toward the heart-shaped freckle by his left eye. instead, percy busied herself by folding the handbill up – gentle movements – before slipping it back to where it came from, all without breaking their gaze. secrets troubled her at times – a flash of red hair and books slammed, but all of that was out of focus. there was only jules. “yes,” she nodded earnestly, not only in promise to keep the secret but everything else in between. “i won’t tell anyone.”
PERCY + DEVON ( @mildeweds 🏳️🌈 )
of course she knows percy — everyone has a percy story. akin to something like a campus legend, maybe, if the legend was this little 5'1 girl helping anyone she can find with anything they need. a better person than devon is by miles ( no, no, instead she'd leave them to deal with their own messes no matter how much the clean up is. it's why she ransacked her mother's credit card with a huge bill before she left for langston the first time then promptly blocked maria's number. what's she gonna do? ) and there's a teeny, tiny jealous twing in her ribcage about it. she swallows it down with a sip of her owala when approaching – after all, she's a nice and polite girl. “what's up, laska?” as if they're on a last name basis. because they are. devon stalked her instagram twenty minutes ago. “where's your boytoy. curly?” she knows his name — giving him the satisfaction he so desires by calling him and letting him know she's thinking about him makes her sick to her stomach. “i was gonna smoke – ” she holds up a joint she stole from a freshman under their nose. why would they not pay any damn attention. “you want some? generosity is the killer, or whatever."
from nothing, nothing comes. that’s how percy feels at times, made up of two people who didn’t know better, grasping at air, trying to find footing in a child that was then left curbside. it’s cold and hollow, which is why she’s drawn to the roughened heat of devon’s presence, something that has hold and makes an impression. empedocles had said that all creation comes from four roots – fire, air, earth, and water, and devon is all fire, the kind that you want to get so close to that it feels like your skin might melt off. percy doesn’t think she’d mind melting under devon’s hand. her head quirks at the mention of boy toy, recognition settling in at curly. “ilyas,” she confirms, hand to her pocket, fingers drumming against the phone inside as if the act would manifest his presence. “i’m not sure. he sent me photos of sheep the other day. are you looking for him?” the joint is offered, and there’s a pleasing twist in percy’s chest, but even if it’s clear that devon is speaking to her, she can’t help but peek toward either side to make sure. “yeah, i’d like that. i was going to stop by the maze. do you want to come with me? we can smoke as we walk. or, we can do something else. anything else. but, yes, i’d love some. i would.”
for: @mildeweds location: a house party a few blocks off campus
He sees her just when she apparently decides to leave - trapped in the back corner of the kitchen and watching through the open concept of the front hallway as she searches for her coat. Soren had grown increasingly bored with the conversation he was more a witness than participant to - brain sticky with syrupy whiskey, everything stretching slow and languid. Reality seems to snap into place when he sees Percy again. Their conversation runs through his head and he's intrigued, rejuvenated, like he'd never been dulled in the first place. It's a bit of a deliriously hysterical excitement, being brought back into his body as such. It makes him excuse himself with nothing but a gruff alibi and a shove through the crowd in front of him. "Yo, Percy - woah." It's a maze to get to where she is. Soren holds his hands up in surrender as a couple screeches past him - literally, amidst a rather heated argument that's the sort he'd usually stop and listen to out of pure nosiness. It's always a bit validating, when he hears his own worries bounce off the strangers around him, nodding in faux sympathy as the girlfriend laments about how she's tired of the boyfriend refusing to properly commit.
"Fucks sakes, 'scuse me." He huffs, nudging between them. Percy's already on the front porch, giving her goodbyes to someone else, and there's a whole beer pong games between them - Soren gets a bit desperate when he realises there's no way he can physically reach her before she's off the porch and turning the corner. He's not even particularly sure why he's so desperate, body seemingly going into fight or flight at the idea of missing her, moving of its own accord - until he's cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting across the last few feet between them; "Percy Alaska!" It immediately sounds wrong - something off about her last name. But she freezes and glances back at the still open front door, and the beer pong game pauses. All eyes are, consequentially, on Soren after his outburst. "Right - apologies! Gimme a moment," he wheezes, crawling underneath the fold out table, bowing in a form of thanks once he comes to a full stand. "You're a hard fucking person to get a hold off. I was screaming bloody murder in there. I didn't want you to leave without saying hi, so - hi. This feels like a lot to go through just for that. Don't go yet, I'll be totally fucking embarrassed if I went through all that just for you to leave now."
It feels dizzying; all sensations pressed onto her at once – so many bodies, the earthy waft of weed and sweat mixing in with some gourmand perfume, voices trying to center her but only understood in fragments as the bass thrummed through her bones. Marijoy’s shadow – Percy’s chosen hiding place had become too small to escape into. Percy was left watching her flitting about, imagining butterfly wings growing out of her back, specifically of morpho butterflies, iridescent and bright and blue. Percy could’ve spent the rest of the night watching Marijoy if it hadn’t been for all the other noise. The dark peach ribbon she had wrapped around her neck to keep her head on felt tighter than intended. The fresh air outside had beckoned Percy and she found herself flitting away as well, but for the exit, goodbyes murmured to forms that assembled into something recognizable, but sometimes not. It didn’t matter at these parties, which Percy occasionally preferred – the intimacies fabricated by whatever substances felt so warm and comforting, it almost made up for the searing loneliness after the fact. Of course, they had noticed Soren amid everything. Upon entrance to the in-betweens, even while leaving, a brief glimpse of blond and a large sense of charm evoked from far away. Percy didn’t realize he was after her; the sound of something resembling her name stopped her short. And it is her he’s after, realization hitting in the form of a few rapid blinks and a soft smile. It’s a nice surprise when she exists to other people, even now. Percy hadn’t paid attention to the rest of the crowd, not until Soren spoke of embarrassment to her, and even then, she was focused on his eyes; she noticed them the first time they met a week before underneath the soft of the moonlight. The bit of cinnamon spilled onto a livid sea as if whatever creator decided to try adding warmth, dipped in a paintbrush with purpose. A few more blinks to break out of whatever trance, reminding herself that she needs to talk. “Oh, hi,” Percy says, brightening under Soren’s rays. “It’s Laska! Quite close to Alaska. Polish. Means showing mercy toward someone, giving them grace...or, stick in some translations. In Czech, it can mean love. Laska, I mean. I think Alaska means land.” An unasked-for lesson in language caused her to pink around the ears. “I can stay here if you want to stay here. Do you want to stay here?”
@ilyAAASS: can any one here me
@therealella: i can baby

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imessage 💬 dezzie 👨❤️💋👨
subin: wru?? subin: [...] subin: came by ur room and left a gift on ur bed, yw subin: some girl ran off this morning but didn't take her shit so u can sniff around in there or return it subin: fiona i think subin: [...] subin: but actually where are u?? 👀
Project X ( 2012 )
for: @mildeweds location: rabbithole
"Hey - one more, please." Gesturing to her empty shot glass, Robin nudged it towards the bartender. It was one of the first things she'd said in a while despite being here for the better part of an hour. Usually, Robin didn't mind riding out a particularly slow date, patient when they were more shy or more than willing to part from the venue earlier than expected if she suspected they were ready to reach the finale they'd both been hoping for. But this date was almost impressively dull. She'd never met someone so shameless in their one word answers to a persistent attempt at striking conversation. So Robin had been a bit desperate for the additional alcohol.
"Cheers." She mumbled, about to take her tequila shot once the bartender returned - but her periphery caught a glance of someone she hadn't seen in a while. Also standing (only a mere foot away) at the bar top alone, glancing over the overhead cocktail menu. Robin usually had a rule about keeping past hookups at arms length - but she'd been enamoured with Percy from the get. Endearingly eager to learn - and a good student at that. It made Robin break her rule, if not to just shuffle into their space, a gentle knock of her hip into theirs, "Jordan!" She called to the bartender that'd just left her her tequila - she knew to make friends with the people that served the liquor at this point in her life. "Sorry, need one more when you get a minute." Clearly intending for it to go towards Percy as she finally glanced in their direction, grin on her face laden with flirtation. "Long time no see, Laska. How're you making out here? I haven't seen you around, thought they'd bullied you out of here for a second. I'd be pissed."
There were instances when Percy couldn’t seem to hold their thoughts together. They would try at first, gathering leaves into a neat pile, but then the wind would blow through, continuously fluttering bits about until they couldn’t keep up with the mess. Oftentimes, they weren’t aware, easily slipping into a so-called daze until called out by another. Occasionally, Percy was the one who encouraged it, feeding into the breeze until a gale was formed to forget the gloom that threatened to intrude. Tonight was one of those nights. Accompanying Ava out, they were now at opposite sides of the venue; Ava was entertained by a towering figure she had seemingly befriended while Percy wandered about, vying for another drink to keep up the buzz. “Oh.” A soft exclamation of surprise as a shot entered their vicinity and with it, Robin. Percy turned toward her, bright-eyed with cheeks already red, warming further by her presence and the reminders that came with it. Even now, a time later, Percy could feel themselves drift toward Robin, for her touch, instinctual in pursuit of pleasure. “No, still here. People say a lot of things, but it mostly doesn’t bother me. Why – did you hear something new?” They suddenly ask, invariably thinking about those ( or, one in particular ) at Palladian. “I like it here. It’s different but like in the middle-of-a-road trip sorta way. The scenery is still new and exciting, but you’re starting to feel a comfortable tired as the slushie sugar rush from an earlier pit stop dies down, y’know? But, how about you? How have you been? You look pretty in this light, by the way, but you always do.” Words rush out as they continue to gleam upward at Robin.
it wasn't that she didn't know how to be friends with an ex . it'd always been easy for her to move past old feelings , old flings because her fixations changed so frequently . magdalena didn't want to be friends with subin . she wanted more , more , more , more , more . but she would grin and bear it . as she always did . because he was engraved , not only on her heart , but engraved into her life . a permanent fixture . she couldn't imagine never speaking to him again . that their break up would be their last interaction . that , despite their history , things would be severed completely . she turned her head away from him , as if to shield herself from his words , have the meaning deflect right off her . desmond was one of her best friends , and she refused to let subin's needling corrupt that . " why do you know that ? what were you looking for , subin ? " headed swiveled back around , finally meeting his eyes . a challenge pasted there , trying her best to disarm him . but she could never stand strong against him . electricity raced up her leg . so strong and so fast she was worried her heart would stop . " that sounds nice . i'm glad you're having fun . that you're getting to experience every thing fully . without anything holding you back . " the words were warm , genuine . a contrast from the ones spoken moments before . in the end , it didn't matter that he'd taken a sledgehammer to her heart . she did and would always care about him . wanted him to achieve happiness . even if it meant sacrificing her own . " of course i'm making friends , silly . " she shifted backwards on the bed, sitting on her hands to keep herself from being too friendly . their legs no longer touching . he was the one who asked for space after all . " everyone here has been so nice . you were right . it's good for us to have space and make our own connections . i've been exploring the school . all the decor , the culture , the history . i think i'm going to be happy here . " using her words to pin him to place , to feed his ego . agreeing with him rather than argue . and to show him , she could be someone without him . by speaking the words , she gave them power . gave herself power . the very thing she always lacked when he was around .
maybe there was a time when subin could tolerate the pedestal magdalena had him on, preferred it even, but it either had gotten worse or he was tired of pretending because now, he felt nothing other than unbuoyed. a precarious sort of unease that sunk daggers into his usual nonchalance, blood pooling faster than he could stop it. that’s why he avoided her when they weren’t together; it had gotten too much at a certain point. “i was looking to see if his dick was hard, obviously.” subin watched her pull back as she always did, only half-paying attention to her words, knowing nothing said would be of any affront to him ( like he deserved ) — the opposite would ring true. “mmm,” he acknowledged, running a hand through his hair and glancing toward the side table. it was obvious upon his entry that today wouldn’t be the day mags partook in any self-reflection. it was only ever him when he looked at her. sometimes, subin thought about asking why, moving the spotlight so it was on her, but he already knew the answer. magdalena lived a life too hollow and looked to others to fill that space, and if not him, it would be someone else. subin knew he had outgrown that space a while back, maybe never fit it in the way she thought he did at all. “that’s great, mags. i do hope you’re happy here.” and he meant it despite everything. even still, he couldn’t let himself bleed out any longer, moving up and out of the bed. “speaking of friends, i gotta go meet one, but i’ll see you around.” subin reached out to squeeze her shoulder, not waiting for a response as he made his way out the door as suddenly as he had entered.
FOR: percy laska ! ( @mildeweds ). DETAILS: the hunting grounds, mid - day.
it feels nice against his skin - the breeze with not enough leaves to ruffe through, slipping down the stretched - out hollow of their shirt's collar; chilling what little of his spine remains. without the shade of night, the transformation of branch to over - arching shadow, the hunting grounds feel - inhabited. alive, once again. for a second, if blue closes his eyes - they're back at langston. back home - or the closest semblance to home that they’ve had in all too many years - where they belong. where they think they should belong. homesickness departs as soon as it arrives; a blinking gaze that lands on percy with something akin to relief. percy is a balm, a healing salve. a piece of him outside of himself, a soft - edged fragment - or the closest semblance to it. their eyes are the same, always - away. "what do foxes eat again?" dirt gathers in the creases of his jeans, legs crossed over one another as blue settles onto the ground. "if i, uh... lay down with a bunch of fucking, um - berries, do y'think they'll come to me? or are they gonna mistake me for, uh... fucking, fresh meat? i'm not - that meaty. don't know if i'd - be ample nutrition. kinda - stringy." there's a small, subconscious sigh and a dead leaf plucked from the ground, fingers tracing the edges of something once green, once alive. he's avoiding the inevitable, the topic that always arises - neck naked and bared as they tilt their head back towards the sky, eyes shutting again. "y'know there's, um - there's black foxes that reflect kinda, uh - blue, in the sun. think we'll see one?"
loneliness hangs heavier when it’s just them, but in a comforting sort of way, like a weighted blanket, except the weight is enough to crush ribs and collapse lungs until there’s nothingness, which is where the peace lies. percy feels like there are a thousand lives between themself and blue – ones where they share the same mother’s womb, ones where they are lovers kept apart, ones where she walks into the ocean and he never comes home. it’s that string of fate that guides her and lets her feel like she has any right to interfere. in her pocket is the broken half of lapis lazuli, given to her at a discount as the pieces weren’t whole. she had read that laying the stone in the middle of your forehead would ease any pain, which was perfect for lucky, especially since it was made out of blue ( both object and person ). the two halves laid out like a butterfly’s wings, and now one wing was underneath lucky’s pillow wrapped in cloth with a note that read ‘for your migraines,’ no name attached, just an implication. percy pushes against the weight of the past, back into the present, watching the weeds and grass collapse under blue. “i would let them eat me in place of you if that were to happen,” she assures him, knowing that neither of them would be of a fox’s taste in reality – they’re too big and too scary – too human. “they love berries. especially blackberries, i’ve noticed, but any berry works. their preferred protein is tiny mice and bugs, not college students.” percy looks out into the open fields, hoping to spot a flash of red in sudden longing for the furry creatures she had spent hours observing since coming to palladian. “i’ve heard of those. i’ve seen one more grey than orange, but none completely black, or blue. i think we will see one. now that we’re here together. here –.” rummaging through her bag, percy pulls out a tupperware of blueberries and places them in front of blue’s lap; then, reaching into her pocket, she procures the remaining half of lapis lazuli and places it onto his knee. “for you.” the hope is that he accepts the gift without question. “there’s a lot of babies around. springtime is when the foxes give birth. have you seen them around? pups.”

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@ UNI, FASHION STUDIO. FEATURING: @mildeweds.
March was beginning to seep into April and into Minki’s pores. His eyelashes fluttered wetly against his cheeks like crash cymbals, collapsing under the weight of clouds in mourning; drip and drop until they melted into his mouth, tasting of lychee and distinct nothingness. The tips of his ears had also turned pink from the cold, the same shade as the water lilies that never survived the winter, yet he remained still, on the window sill, watching his cigarette wither and dampen in between his fingers. He was almost certain that smoking inside the studio was forbidden, but at this hour, the campus was as barren as his childhood photo album, and he had never, not consciously, disobeyed the Palladian law. He was allowed this once, to indulge a vice that desperately. All the windows were ajar, letting the spring coddle the pile of fabrics on the floor, including the silk chiffon spoiled with metallic threading—the reason for the pulsating ache behind his lids. As a person, Minki could be forgiving. Sometimes he couldn’t, but then he would forget it, and forgetting was easier and less cruel. But he was tough on himself, always in the shadow of his own boot that towered over him in threat of crushing him like a helpless bug. He liked his work to be pristine, polished to perfection, as though he had clutter to hide in his own life, sweeping it up under a sheepskin rug. Minki also had an aversion to working with other people, because he could simply never put any faith in them to do him right. When other kids were dreaming about hitching a ride on a giant eagle to soar across the skies, he would feel starved for the ability to feed off other peoples’ talents, or passions, until he’d grow to become a Frankestein’s monster that would thrive in anything the human brain was even capable of imagining. But alas, he wasn’t, which had been painful to admit to his supervisor, even more than getting a stubborn splinter out of your calloused skin, and now he was stuck waiting for someone who had the cheek to be terribly (hyperbolised) unpunctual. Minki’s face was glowing like morning dew by the time the door creaked open and he took a drag of his dripping, half-extinguished smoke in greeting. He hadn’t been expecting anyone in particular, the name Subin not ringing any bells, but that face... Minki squinted at him, as if he was a mirage. “Oh, it's you.” Was he wandering like a lost lamb? Unless... Minki's teeth caught the desaturated glow of the setting sun, suddenly feeling like his headache had been washed away by the rain. “Here for round two?”
Sometimes, Subin forgets the limitations of his own body, having too much too quickly until it all builds up, and he’s dragging himself through the motions, trying to ignore the sharp pain that arises from the middle of his chest. At least, he tells himself that he forgets, knowing that the truth is an admittance of weakness, that he strives to push the limits to punish himself. Far from a holy martyr, Subin is a reckless, self-indulging thing, too self-aware to make his choices slip past without a thought. A heart too weak to pump does not mean it does not feel; it’s the scarred-up bits that sting the most. He’s usually able to pretend otherwise, but during these times – the moments when the unintended naps go for far too long, and he’s trying to loosen limbs and blink away exhaustion – the acridity of his self demands to be felt. He’s already late, so he counts the pieces of his equipment bag again, despite knowing it’s all there, the repetition grounding him before he’s off. There’s something about the after-rain newness, a natural resurrection that prods Subin to where he’s meant to be. He smells a roasted sweetness, laced with citrus before the smoke, olfaction pulling him back to a memory from before, and then he sees Minki, posed like an answer to a question Subin didn’t realize he had asked. A subtle shift of brows clues Subin in on Minki’s eventual recognition coming after his. The seconds prior had carried the same electric shock felt the first night amid the crowded floor post-show, their touches accentuated by the rhythmic pulse of music and voices. It felt just as sharp in this quiet room with the wider distance between them. High cheekbones still glinted underneath the studio lights despite the lack of embellishment, striking and drawing attention to an upturned gaze that Subin wanted to remain on him, a gaze he wanted to capture. “Hmm.” It was a tempting offer, one that he would’ve been more apt to indulge in if it wasn’t for the seams that had threatened to burst. The last thing Subin wanted was for Minki to see him in any state of vulnerability. He lugs his photography bag onto the work table instead. “I would’ve hardly chased you down to this place if that were the case.” A neutral answer as Subin finally studies the space around them, the mess of fabrics and lack of cohesiveness, Minki at the center as the crown jewel, all of it beautiful in its own right, not that he would speak it out loud. “What’s the vision here? I was told this was supposed to be your graduation project for this year. Or am I mistaken?”
Skins (2007 - 2013)
@mildeweds