On Tuesday (10/14/2025) I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I had to make the decision of putting down my cat that I've had since I was 11. She was two days shy of my 30th birthday and 2 days shy of hitting 19.5 years old.
We (my husband and I) saw she had a coughing fit the Thursday before. We believe she had a hairball and gave her some stuff to see if we could clear it up. She seemed fine the rest of the week and over the weekend.
Monday was when it changed. She had another coughing fit but this was way worse than the first one. She ended up coughing so hard she peed herself. If I'm being honest, it was then that I knew. I knew my time with her was shrinking. I had anxiety all night and barely slept. I gave her so many cuddles and pets, we brushed her, and gave her extra treats. We booked a vet appointment the next day. She did seem off. Not sitting in her favorite spot, not eating much, and she very quiet.
Tuesday seemed very fitting. It was dark, gray, and gloomy. It even started to rain when we went to the vet.
When we got there they took her back for imaging. It didn't take long for the vet to ask me to come back and look at the results. That wasn't a good sign to me and I started to tear up walking back.
The coughing? It was fluid building up in her chest cavity from the kidney disease. They told me while they could look at medical options that if she were to die naturally it would be painful and miserable. She would essentially drown from the fluids in her body. That putting her down would be her just falling asleep and that being it.
I was so wrecked at that moment. I sat and held her until my husband was able to get there. We both stayed with her until the end. Telling her that we loved her, that she was an amazing cat, and that we will be okay. I asked her to let me know she got to her next destination safely.
I immediately felt empty when she went. Like an organ in my body just stopped working. I cried the entire night. I cried the entire next day and night. I managed to get through my birthday saving years for the night.
Finally, last night I had a dream about her. She wasn't completely solid but she did come up and headbutt my leg like she always did. I got some cuddles, boops, and headbutts. It was like she was telling me she got to the other side. That she was okay.
I think it's going to be hollow for a little while. I see her in the corner of my eye. I see her as memories overlapping with real life, like a video recorded over another file. And the hardest part is how integrated she was into our entire routine. How every important step in our day is now missing something and I don't know how to cope.
I miss you DD. You were the best cat I've ever met and you are missed constantly.
dededos
gummygunk
jacobvanloon
titsay
germansingergirl
