#petloss

Today would have been Mieps' birthday.

Happy birthday up there sweet Mieps.🌈

Happy Birthday Cormy! You would have been 2 Years Old today, can you believe it? I had a whole lifetime planned for you from camping to playdates to hiking to racing. I really wish you could have been here for longer, I wish I went to the vet sooner but I didn't know what was wrong with you. I'll always be thankful for all 461 days we got to spend together, they really meant a lot to me in this life.

I confess I had a lot of moments early on where I considered returning to the breeder because it was such a challenge going to 5 dogs all by myself. Everytime I considered it you would show me how loving, reliable, calm, funny, happy, and peaceful you were and slowly the days went from me wanting a break to me not wanting you to be gone.

Going to Utah was a last minute thing because Lexicon's Litter had just been born and the original plan was for you to stay there. I'm sooo happy you went with me instead because that week was one of the best of my entire life. The only times you were ever fussy was when you were in the crate while we set up the tent, other than that you were so easy going the entire trip. I realized in that moment it was meant to be and every doubt I had about having five dogs evaporated.

I then lost you not even one week after coming home from that trip. Sitting in the ER Room and being told you went in Cardiac Arrest from your Collapsed Lung just froze me. They got you back one time and I really hope it wasn't scary or painful suddenly, being back on this planet surrounded by people performing CPR and tapping your chest to make room for your lungs and heart to work. I know you didn't stay long but I approved CPR for another 15 minute and hoped and hoped you'd pull through.

The ER Doctor eventually came in and simply told me she was sorry and I believe I went into shock. I do need to apologize because when they wheeled your body in I screamed and said I was sorry. All I could do was say I was sorry and call your name while your body looked at me, still and unmoving.

I don't want to dwell on that. I already relive those moments several times a day and I want to replace them with the happy times. Everyone loved you Cormorant, you were very special and you knew it. From your Veterinarian, to the Pet Store People, to your family. Everyone you met was smitten, you even had people run out of a store one time when you were a baby to say hi.

It's been unbelievably hard losing you and I won't lie and say I'm doing great. I'm just existing right now while I tend to the rest of the dogs. I keep them happy and healthy while we raise Lexicon, your little half-sister. She's funny in a lot of the same ways as you but she's definitely her own dog.

Anyway I should let you go so you can chase butterflies and nap in the shade. I really miss you. I really miss you a lot.

Just recently lost one of my dear kitties to cancer, and I'm devastated. Work has been slow, and frankly it's gonna be difficult trying to focus on that. Any and all help is appreciated.