Everytime a transwoman shows discomfort at a rapist being misgendered; he is highlighting how he empathises with said rapist. End of.
Once you realize that pronouns are not about personal psychological comfort, but rather control, it begins to make sense. That’s why it’s so popular to “misgender” gnc women and butch women, even though misgendering someone is supposed to be the worst thing you could ever do to them.
That’s also why they get upset at people who use their preferred pronouns too.
There are complaints about “cis” people who are too nice and eager about using the preferred pronouns, about cis people who are too eager to share their own pronouns, cis people who don’t share their pronouns and are therefore othering and oppressing trans people, and about cis people who slip up and use the “wrong” pronouns, and about cis people who outright don’t respect their pronouns of choice. These all get similar levels of vitriol, too. It’s because it isn’t actually about the pronouns. It’s about policing other people’s behavior and language. Why else would you demand to dictate how you are referred to in the third person, largely when you’re not even around?
I think if name changes and pronouns were solely about personal comfort, were never enforced by law, and were not used as a pretext for dismantling the very few medical and legal protections that exist for women, it would be a very different conversation. But since women have been fired for misgendering gender conforming males, have been sexually abused by a legal system that grants intact male rapists access to women’s prisons, and have to cede language describing cancer, FGM, screening, general health, abortion, and our experiences with male violence, my focus is not on your personal comfort. Your feelings are not more important than our security.
