:-)

“not every man has a porn addiction” literally prove it

you don’t “forget” that you bought tickets to an event please be so fucking for real I was not born yesterday

and yes I am pissed the fuck off over some petty little shit cause what the fuck was that

my neighbor is such a sweetie bo peetie I’m pretty sure I went over there and talked his ear off, took his pizza, and dipped

my neighbor is a RESEARCH SCIENTIST and he just gave me two slices of VEGAN PIZZA

music just sounds so much better when I’m drunk I’m so sorry

dude I was sitting at one of the server tables minding my business eating my french fries sipping my tea and this dude gets up from the bar and comes and HOVERS over me. I mean like practically blocking me into the corner. and he’s got one of those fuck ass weeb shirts on. and I was “what’s up?” and side eyed him. and mind you I’m not in the mood. and he was like “I can’t feel my left foot” and I said oh ok and went back to eating my fries. and he was like I’ll only be here for a minute and I was like “directly beside me?????” and got up and walked away. like what the fuck are you on you weirdo. of course the moment I went and checked on my table he went right the fuck back and sat down. like get the fuck away from me. what makes you think you can just enter my personal space like that. and I’m glad I was not nice to him at all. I didn’t fawn. I was like oh hell no.

there’s a lady here that’s been here since before I got cut for the first half of my double. I went home and napped for at least an hour and a half and came back and she’s at least 4 beers in (because I collected the glasses off her table) and now she’s been annoying my table

I don’t give a fuck about the world cup

why the fuck has it rained this much in may and june it’s supposed to be summer I’m sick of the fuck ass rain

why the fuck do people put the receipt upside down on the table. like it’s a secret you tipped me $3

this is some bullshit like why am I even here right now. something good better happen to me today.

bro is at a dive bar drinking beer at 11 am on a tuesday quit trying to make eye contact with me dude ain’t nobody want you

I’m on a double today. I literally didn’t get off until 12 am last night and had to be here by 10 this morning. my fridge isn’t working. it’s pouring rain. I was one of the first people here and had already finished a good portion of setting up before anyone else even got here and somehow they’re still all mad at me for anything that wasn’t done right last night cause I’m the only one here this morning who worked last night so obviously anything and everything that went wrong was my fault