slut for shakespeare

Anyway, after the next Boston/Montreal game Ilya shows up to practice genuinely looking like he’s been mauled. His entire body is covered in hickeys and bruises that look suspiciously like bite marks - his neck is basically covered in purpling marks with a fair few centred on his chest but a couple of the bruises trail further down, one on his pubic bone, a couple on his thighs, and the darkest one on his hip, a large circle of clear teeth marks - not only that but his back has been practically scratched to ribbons. Ilya is basically a walking sign spelling out “TAKEN - BACK OFF” and when the gossip of Ilya Rozanov apparently having been locked down by a wild animal reaches the Montreal locker room Shane can’t help the proud little smile that blooms on his face because, yes, that’s his man.

I'm imagining Ilya, who definitely has a hair routine at the least, doing some stupid GRWM video for social media, and Shane just wanders in, splashes his face and calls it a day, while Ilya is filming himself with a face mask and under eye patches.

and I think it's important that we remember that!

(Buffalo is terrible) "Yeah, and their team sucks too." - 67/10, inspired a very bad dtr/frottage/first name drops/tuna meltdown.

Shane says the shit that makes Scott wake up at 3:16 am, shaking Kip awake "baby, kip, wake up, kip - are my grays really noticable? no, Kip, this can't wait. Turn on the light, Kip are my gr-"

I think he would say “it’s okay f-slur, we end up locking down a fucking underwear model who can come from sucking cock never kill yourself”.

Ilya with his loon tattoo to go with my Shane with his lily!!!!

Troy’s also happy because it means that no one (sans Wyatt) notices that his own back looks like he’s been mauled. And of course no one has any idea that Harris’s whole body currently resembles a bruised apple and he’s working from home because he can barely walk ❤️🍎

“Now MR. Hollander, what does Montreal have to do to win tonight?”

how it is lately

Luca left the hockey rpf world behind when he got drafted (he looked at himself in the mirror on his draft day and said “rpfing gotta stop y’all”). But that summer, he gets very drunk and indulges in a 150k word Cliff/Ilya/Shane fic that tries to make sense of their love triangle. He gets a few chapters in until the writer mentions him in a scene and it takes him out of it. He drunkenly comments “u shdljld write a chapterr where they all pass arund Luca haas haha” before he falls asleep

like he's dating lapointe he's dating young. he's dating cliff. he's dating a model named archibald he's dating a sexy tattooed japanese guy named ryo. he's dating a cutiepie grocery store employee named jay. and i love them all.