Non cogito

i think one of the best parts about being a teenager in the early to mid 2010s was that cigarettes were definitely not cool anymore and vapes hadn’t popularized yet so my lungs made it out of my peak impressionable years relatively unscathed

*looks at the cock* ohh i shiuldnt trust my brain here maybe *bathes in my negative thoughts*

the Clock. The Clock. The clock The Clock

They serve fission chips.

You know what? I change my mind. I DO want Will to be evil and I will support him in his evil endeavors. It’s what he deserves. I want him to achieve world domination. I want him to blow shit up with his mind.

We need to keep making 9/11 jokes until some corporation tries to jump in on the meme and gets promptly executed by the public

I NEED MY GAY ROMCOM OUT OF THIS, STAT.

Thomas the Tank Engine smiles with his mouth closed specifically so we can't see how sharp his fangs are

your service is appreciated, with deepest sympathy

*happily puts this in the queue w/ all the other lurking horrors waiting patiently for their turn to slip into my nightmares*

Someone hasn’t learned what fangs are, those are clearly tusks

no they evolved specifically for hunting not for self-defense, that means functionally they are FANGS

Hi, so if Thomus is a hunter then he would need to be able to hunt his prey. However he is trapped on prelaid tracks, the only other thing confined to which are other trains. Does this mean Thomus eats other trains?

your honor it did say “i attack costumed performers at disneyland” on my tshirt at the time

might have made this post a couple years ago but how far back along the evolutionary tree do you have to go before it’s bestiality to have sex with early hominids? I think australopithecus is too far but that’s just an upper bound

actually wait since humans are largely differentiated from our ancestors by neotenous traits maybe it would be pedophilia for an australopithecus to have sex with a human. and bestiality the other way. might have just discovered a new kind of crime

i think everyone in the homo erectus group is close enough to not be bestiality, so australopithecus is exactly the most human-like being for whcih it would still be bestiality. i googled some pictures of homo ergaster and like…yeah thats a dude

Yeah, fucking lucy is definitely bestiality. Australopithecines are just upright apes and don’t share many traits with anatomically modern humans. It’s still a point of contention if we really know that Lucy and her kind were actually our ancestors. Additionally, I HAVE to ask my professors this question now and i can already feel their brain doing backflips to answer

only on tumblr to people ask questions like “would it be ethical to fuck my primate ancestor from 400,000 years ago?”

The answer is no, mainly because you’re almost defiantly related

the unexpected answer we all ignored: it’s not bestiality, but it is incest

So this post travelled from “is sex with homo habilis bestiality” to “sex with homo heidlebergensis is incest” and I’m now curious as to where it can go next. Presumably “sex with homo sapiens is SIN” which… does seem to be where a lot of tumblr posts go, come to think of it.

I’m not sure if fucking an australopithicus would necessarily be bestiality. I feel like it might be monsterfucking.

Great post everyone

I have some real bad news for anybody here whose criteria for “is it incest if I fuck them” is like “we share any genetic material” because oh boy, well

I heard that modern humans are all, at most, 50th cousins- there was a genetic bottleneck in human history because they think there was a mass extinction event which left only 10,000 of us alive. So, good job, humans.

So what you’re saying is it’s LESS incestuous to fuck an australopithicus than a homo sapiens

Tumblr: As usual, tackling the important ethical issues of the day.

Can we just at least agree that, in this day and age, fucking most of them would be necrophilia?

Oh my gods they’re adorable! Have a nice day at work, Employment Jelly

can’t risk it, will always reblog