PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@theredkite
ok tumblr is currently telling me my blog has no posts with the tags I use to track my posts, so I'm making a new one in the hope that the easy win will help the search function to believe that the power to search for my tags was inside it all along
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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i know that “don’t harass people for being weird, they might be autistic!” is a fairly popular take on here. but as a Certified Autist, i’d like to add that harassing allistic and/or neurotypical people for being weird is also bad, and should not be done
and before you come in with “yeah, you never know who is and isn’t autistic, and you shouldn’t force people to out themselves!” i want to say two things: one, i agree. and two, even if you could magically avoid ever harassing a single autistic person, it still wouldn’t be okay to go after NTs for being weird. they’re people, janice. they’re allowed to be really invested in naruto
#stop playing the game of ‘who is it okay for me to hurt?’ #the answer is no one #the answer is ALWAYS going to be no one #none people is the correct number of people to hurt [X]
me explaining goncharov to my mother: so tumblr made up this scorsese crime film and they're arguing about its themes and-
my mother, completely deadpan: well are they reviewing the theatrical release or director's cut.
me:
my mother: what does frances ford coppola think of it
Your mother is the only one who understands me
Nick Barlow, Clusterfuck/Keep It Together, 2022
Oil on mountboard, 81 X 81 cm
Babe, are you okay? You reblogged Nick Barlow’s Clusterfuck/Keep It Together again
never do any sort of collaborative storytelling with your friends youll get addicted for life
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.
ok but good news guys! The other day I dropped a 1 litre carton of milk in my kitchen (that's not the good news), and let me tell you if that stuff had been a liiiiitle more opaque, RED, and the situation had been a LOT more urgent? Believe me you can have a good 'blood everywhere' scene with WAY less than 2 litres! Like... the carton was still mostly full when I carried it to the sink. <300ml was enough to get EVERYWHERE. There was milk spatter in parts of my kitchen you wouldn't think it could have reached. If I ever need to clean a crime scene I'm just gonna not bother. It's hopeless. They say a real friend will help you move a body? Not if it died of blood loss I fucking won't! Anyway cleaning the fucking kitchen SUCKED but I am at least no longer worried that I can't realistically cover my characters in as much blood as I want to. It takes so much less than I thought. (Also I'm revising down all past estimates of volume-of-blood-spilled irl to... don't worry about it. Basically none. I thought it was ~50ml? It was like 5ml tops there wasn't even any on the ceiling.)
Even gooder news! I am having aa SPECTACULAR nosebleed and had the presence of mind to grab a measuring cup a few minutes in so I'm gonna do RESEARCH. My walls are off-white. If someone offers to pay for paint and supplies before this fully congeals, I will throw a known volume of blood at one and post photos.
Update: hurry this stuff is coagulating at a speed you wouldn't believe (unless you already knew more than I do about blood clotting, I guess)!
I do NOT think I will be using this measuring cup for food purposes any more.
ok so:
it's stopped
nobody Yes, And-ed and also I remembered the carpets are off-white as well (I didn't decorate this place, ok? frankly neither did the landlord) so I threw the ~10ml I collected at the ugly tiles over the bath instead
it was way too coagulated and mostly landed in one spot with a loud Splat
10ml IS enough to look pretty dramatic on a wall though!
all that and an absolute mountain of kitchen roll AND enough left over that I look like that one Andrew W.K. album, and for what? I didn't even do anything!
my moustache currently doesn't bend
I need to clean the bathroom :(
still haven't written a damn thing
update:
kinda lightheaded for some reason? don't know why it can't have been more than 20ml total
everything smells of blood :(
it would have been more sensible to clean the bathroom before posting on tumblr
I'm not squeamish I'm just taking a little break for entirely sensible reasons
just realised I had a cup of tea that has now gone cold :(
oh boy the worksurface under the cupboard I got the measuring cup from has a 'black granite' effect finish that's impossible to see mess on and I just put my hand in an entire puddle I hadn't noticed so I also need to clean the kitchen
oh and it had dripped and formed little stalactites under the lip of the worksurface how delightful
unlike the bathroom this isn't even because I did something stupid I was just spontaneously bleeding!
ugh I used to deal with more blood than this on a monthly basis when did I get this... totally not squeamish, honest... about it?
That boy is going places.
I also think that the strength gap is at least partially manufactured women would in fact be stronger overall if little girls were encouraged to do physically taxing games and activities and eat their fill while they’re growing vs having to constantly diet and be sedentary indoors (or god forbid do intense cardio while under-eating). The amount of adult women honestly afraid to lift weights bc they think they’ll get bulky as though bulking isn’t a full time job that athletes have to spend all their time on and anyone on earth gets shredded from just using their adult muscles for their intended purpose, girl your bone density 🥀
if you say women are intentionally nerfed from birth in 2026 people look at you like you’re insane and start condescendingly telling you about how women are just better at different things (but not during their periods haha) but this was a completely basic feminist talking point I grew up with like “girls can do it too! [shot of little girls climbing and running with boys]” nickelodeon commercial tier base level I hate it how is everyone suddenly dumber than the average 7 year old
the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.
ok but good news guys! The other day I dropped a 1 litre carton of milk in my kitchen (that's not the good news), and let me tell you if that stuff had been a liiiiitle more opaque, RED, and the situation had been a LOT more urgent? Believe me you can have a good 'blood everywhere' scene with WAY less than 2 litres! Like... the carton was still mostly full when I carried it to the sink. <300ml was enough to get EVERYWHERE. There was milk spatter in parts of my kitchen you wouldn't think it could have reached. If I ever need to clean a crime scene I'm just gonna not bother. It's hopeless. They say a real friend will help you move a body? Not if it died of blood loss I fucking won't! Anyway cleaning the fucking kitchen SUCKED but I am at least no longer worried that I can't realistically cover my characters in as much blood as I want to. It takes so much less than I thought. (Also I'm revising down all past estimates of volume-of-blood-spilled irl to... don't worry about it. Basically none. I thought it was ~50ml? It was like 5ml tops there wasn't even any on the ceiling.)
Even gooder news! I am having aa SPECTACULAR nosebleed and had the presence of mind to grab a measuring cup a few minutes in so I'm gonna do RESEARCH. My walls are off-white. If someone offers to pay for paint and supplies before this fully congeals, I will throw a known volume of blood at one and post photos.
Update: hurry this stuff is coagulating at a speed you wouldn't believe (unless you already knew more than I do about blood clotting, I guess)!
I do NOT think I will be using this measuring cup for food purposes any more.
ok so:
it's stopped
nobody Yes, And-ed and also I remembered the carpets are off-white as well (I didn't decorate this place, ok? frankly neither did the landlord) so I threw the ~10ml I collected at the ugly tiles over the bath instead
it was way too coagulated and mostly landed in one spot with a loud Splat
10ml IS enough to look pretty dramatic on a wall though!
all that and an absolute mountain of kitchen roll AND enough left over that I look like that one Andrew W.K. album, and for what? I didn't even do anything!
my moustache currently doesn't bend
I need to clean the bathroom :(
still haven't written a damn thing
the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.
ok but good news guys! The other day I dropped a 1 litre carton of milk in my kitchen (that's not the good news), and let me tell you if that stuff had been a liiiiitle more opaque, RED, and the situation had been a LOT more urgent? Believe me you can have a good 'blood everywhere' scene with WAY less than 2 litres! Like... the carton was still mostly full when I carried it to the sink. <300ml was enough to get EVERYWHERE. There was milk spatter in parts of my kitchen you wouldn't think it could have reached. If I ever need to clean a crime scene I'm just gonna not bother. It's hopeless. They say a real friend will help you move a body? Not if it died of blood loss I fucking won't! Anyway cleaning the fucking kitchen SUCKED but I am at least no longer worried that I can't realistically cover my characters in as much blood as I want to. It takes so much less than I thought. (Also I'm revising down all past estimates of volume-of-blood-spilled irl to... don't worry about it. Basically none. I thought it was ~50ml? It was like 5ml tops there wasn't even any on the ceiling.)
Even gooder news! I am having aa SPECTACULAR nosebleed and had the presence of mind to grab a measuring cup a few minutes in so I'm gonna do RESEARCH. My walls are off-white. If someone offers to pay for paint and supplies before this fully congeals, I will throw a known volume of blood at one and post photos.
Update: hurry this stuff is coagulating at a speed you wouldn't believe (unless you already knew more than I do about blood clotting, I guess)!
I do NOT think I will be using this measuring cup for food purposes any more.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.
ok but good news guys! The other day I dropped a 1 litre carton of milk in my kitchen (that's not the good news), and let me tell you if that stuff had been a liiiiitle more opaque, RED, and the situation had been a LOT more urgent? Believe me you can have a good 'blood everywhere' scene with WAY less than 2 litres! Like... the carton was still mostly full when I carried it to the sink. <300ml was enough to get EVERYWHERE. There was milk spatter in parts of my kitchen you wouldn't think it could have reached. If I ever need to clean a crime scene I'm just gonna not bother. It's hopeless. They say a real friend will help you move a body? Not if it died of blood loss I fucking won't! Anyway cleaning the fucking kitchen SUCKED but I am at least no longer worried that I can't realistically cover my characters in as much blood as I want to. It takes so much less than I thought. (Also I'm revising down all past estimates of volume-of-blood-spilled irl to... don't worry about it. Basically none. I thought it was ~50ml? It was like 5ml tops there wasn't even any on the ceiling.)
Even gooder news! I am having aa SPECTACULAR nosebleed and had the presence of mind to grab a measuring cup a few minutes in so I'm gonna do RESEARCH. My walls are off-white. If someone offers to pay for paint and supplies before this fully congeals, I will throw a known volume of blood at one and post photos.
Update: hurry this stuff is coagulating at a speed you wouldn't believe (unless you already knew more than I do about blood clotting, I guess)!
the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.
ok but good news guys! The other day I dropped a 1 litre carton of milk in my kitchen (that's not the good news), and let me tell you if that stuff had been a liiiiitle more opaque, RED, and the situation had been a LOT more urgent? Believe me you can have a good 'blood everywhere' scene with WAY less than 2 litres! Like... the carton was still mostly full when I carried it to the sink. <300ml was enough to get EVERYWHERE. There was milk spatter in parts of my kitchen you wouldn't think it could have reached. If I ever need to clean a crime scene I'm just gonna not bother. It's hopeless. They say a real friend will help you move a body? Not if it died of blood loss I fucking won't! Anyway cleaning the fucking kitchen SUCKED but I am at least no longer worried that I can't realistically cover my characters in as much blood as I want to. It takes so much less than I thought. (Also I'm revising down all past estimates of volume-of-blood-spilled irl to... don't worry about it. Basically none. I thought it was ~50ml? It was like 5ml tops there wasn't even any on the ceiling.)
Even gooder news! I am having a SPECTACULAR nosebleed and had the presence of mind to grab a measuring cup a few minutes in so I'm gonna do RESEARCH. My walls are off-white. If someone offers to pay for paint and supplies before this fully congeals, I will throw a known volume of blood at one and post photos.
nobody:
half full water bottle left behind on the floor of a public bus: *rolls around*
OP is an optimist
Everyone look at the quilt my grandma made me!! I’ve actually had it for a few years now but I wanted to post it so y’all could admire it!
The Wind was made up by Big Predator to try sell you the idea the grass is not actually full of snakes
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
“this is how you age when you’re unproblematic” NO! stop assigning moral weight to attractiveness! I am not hot because I’m a good person! I am hot because all of my friends are gorgeous! I’m absorbing their beauty! Like a vampire! Because I’m evil!
can someone please send me that post abt washing your sheets "climb in my brothers"
