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If you accidentally find out someone is queer, what do you do? 

You didn’t mean to snoop but you overheard a conversation that wasn’t meant for your ears, or they forgot to close a tab on a shared device, or a third person told you behind their back - no matter how it happened, you now know something they didn’t tell you. How do you act in this situation? 

This question was asked to me recently, and I think it both has a clear simple answer and a lot of nuance. 

If we break it down to its bare bones, the situation is really just „I know someone’s secret, what do I do“ - and the answer to that is a clear „Nothing“. You do nothing with secret information that you obtained by accident. It was never yours in the first place! You are definitely not entitled to share it with anyone else (that part is hopefully obvious) and I’d also argue you don’t tell the person. 

The reason for that is simple: They didn’t tell you that information themselves - so there’s no indication that they currently wish to talk to you about this. It’s safest to assume they don’t want you to know. That doesn’t necessarily translate to „they don’t trust you“ or anything like that. They may need more time. They may not feel ready to tell anyone yet. They may want to explore their feelings without other input for now. They might just not want to talk about it. Take no personal offense, but assume that it’s not up for conversation as of now. 

If you had a painful time in the closet yourself, it’s natural that you might feel a desire to „save“ others. But it’s generally best to not make any unfounded assumptions on why someone is in the closet. Real people aren’t fictional characters, we shouldn’t assign them dramatic backstories. Do not automatically assume they are struggling with self-acceptance or need to be „rescued“ in any way. There’s a big difference between „They are depressed and lonely and don’t have anyone to help them“ and „They just prefer to not share this with me“ - do not conclude the former from the latter. 

That’s the clear answer - and here’s the nuance: 

Safety comes first. The way you found out matters here. If (for example) you found out because a third person has forwarded you a private coming out message or shared intimate pictures they sent them, then disregard everything I said above. Do assume that this is a potential safety risk for them and tell them (in a gentle and private conversation). Outing someone behind their back can be dangerous, they deserve to be made aware that this is happening. 

On the complete opposite end of „the way you found out matters“: if your friend never told you she’s a lesbian but puts up a small lesbian pride flag pin on her backpack, you do not need to pretend you don’t see it. Still do not automatically assume anything (she could just be an ally!) but consider that some people never come out in words. It’s okay to go „Cool pin!“ and leave it up to her if she wants to take the chance to say something. 

Same goes if your coworker never said „I am gay“ but puts up a wedding picture of him and another man on his desk. Some relationships (especially more superficial ones, like coworkers) do not require a coming out in the sense of sitting you down and going „I need to tell you something“. Obviously still don’t go around introducing him as your gay coworker to every customer now (that’d be inappropriate and overstepping) but it’d be silly to treat it as a deep dark secret here. You can safely assume that it’d be fine to say „What a beautiful picture“ in a small-talky way. 

What if it’s not quite as obvious as a pride flag or wedding picture but you feel like someone keeps dropping hints to gauge your reaction? You feel like they left that tab open on purpose to see if you’d say anything, you feel like maybe they wanted you to overhear that private phone call because they don’t know how else to tell you… that can be a tricky situation because firstly, you could still be wrong and secondly, it’s easy to overshoot your reaction. You’ll want to assure them you’re a safe person without scaring them off. Suddenly going on and on about how being gay is okay may have the opposite effect you want. Do not forcibly steer the conversation towards homosexuality if it doesn’t go there naturally, do not go „Is there anything you want to tell me?“ as that may put them on the spot. The safest approach is usually light and gentle: consider what would’ve made you feel safer back when you were in the closet. It can be something as simple as putting your own pride flag pin on your backpack or casually mentioning you’ll go to Pride this year! 

In any situation, the key is that you can’t „unlock“ a coming out. You don’t go investigate and you don’t pry that door open  for them specifically - all you can do is gently signal that you’re a supportive, trustworthy person, so if anyone did want to come out, they wouldn’t have to do emotional acrobatics to figure out whether you’re safe first.

With all my love, 

Well maybe I don’t WANT to work double as hard as abled people!! Maybe I deserve a BREAK!! Maybe I’ve been working MORE THAN double as hard for MY WHOLE LIFE and it’s led me to immense burnout & caused me to develop several MORE disabilities!! Maybe I should be ACCOMMODATED so I don’t have to KILL MY BODY AND BRAIN over trying to do what abled people can do!! Maybe I DON’T have to work double as hard!! Maybe if there’s the option to let me NOT work double as hard, I should have it, because I’m already working double as hard JUST TO SURVIVE!!

if your without and you put nuts on it I don't make the rules snowflake

TRUCK

The mirror replied "To whom?"

"The miller who made the flour for my bread," the queen would say, or "Whoever spun the thread my shawl was made of".

The second time, she says "To the King," and she is pleased to see herself once more.

The third time, she says "To the Royal Advisor," and is once more satisfied to see herself.

The fourth time, she says "To the scribe who takes the King's letters." She is shown the man's wife. And she seethes, but quiets herself, for it is only right that a man loves his wife.

The fifth time, she says "To the Court Wizard," and is shown the man's departed mother as he remembers her from his youth, radiant and smiling and warm and larger than life.

The tenth time, she says "To the Stable Master," and is shown the fastest horse in the stable, majestic and free as the wind even in captivity

"To the baker," she is shown the man's daughter, young and adorable and full of joy and laughter.

"To the artist who did my portrait," she is shown a painting of a woman done by the man's teacher, who he still looks up to now that he is well established himself.

"To the Royal Knight," she is surprised but not displeased to see the castle's entire guard force in the middle of doing drills.

The one hundredth time she asks the mirror, and it asks her "to whom?" she once again says, "To me." And she does the same the one hundred and second, and again and again and again.

That's

That's Roy Mustang

Just the opposite.

Roy "I grew up with 10 sisters so I know how to disguise covert information reconnaissance as flirting" Mustang.

"I grew up with 10 sisters so I know how to weaponize my sexual charm to disarm others and win favor."

Roy led every higher-up to believe he was just a fuckboy and a manwhore in this for his own ego and that they shouldn't view him as any kind of violent revolutionary like "no sir I'm just a slut."

Which. is an absolutely batshit primary character backstory to mention once, late in the series, and then immediately move on from.

And actually Hiromu Arakawa did it so well that every single fan interpretation of Roy Mustang for the FMA03 anime treated him as an honest to god man-slut. Bought his whole act hook line and sinker.

Download signal if you haven't already. Pick a resistance pseudonym. Make a proton email that has no indicators to your real name. Start buying and printing whistles and whistle zines.

Organize your school patrols and foot patrols NOW. Talk to your community and your mercados and your Hmong and Somali grocery stores, ask them what support they need. Get "ICE are not welcome here" signage for businesses and homes. Familiarize yourself with the difference between an administrative warrant and a judicial warrant.

Learn how to take down a SALUTE report. PRACTICE salute reports. Learn, memorize, and embody radio etiquette for rapid response work.

Pick your lane: rapid response or mutual aid-- you can't do both, because rapid response often puts you in direct contact with ICE. They've been taking down plate numbers and leading responders back to their own homes here in the Twin Cities.

Remember that being under siege is a marathon, not a race. Try to remember that while your neighbors are being kidnapped in their underwear, from their own homes.

Meet your neighbors. Attend your city council meetings and demand separation ordinances NOW. Tell your congress people and representatives not to give ICE more money.

Prepare yourself to see high school children being stopped and harassed. 5 year olds being used as bait for their mothers. Old men being dragged out of their houses in underwear and Crocs simply because all of them are not white.

Be flexible, be ready to pivot on a dime as situations change. Be ready to be paranoid. Be ready to be distrusting of every Texas, New York, California, or Illinois license plate. Be ready to be suspicious of EVERY out of state license plate. Dark sedans and SUVs with extremely illegally tinted windows. Unreadable or missing plates.

MN Community Response Resources

ICE Are Not Welcome Here sign

Private Property Sign

Know Your Rights Sign

Judicial Warrant vs Administrative Warrant

SALUTE Report Graphic Rapid Response Patrol Handbook

Legal Observer Basics MSP Whistle Hub

Whistle 3D printing File

Talking to children about ICE actions

OG Whistle Zine in ENGLIGH || SPANISH

MSP whistles which also have zines in Somali, Amharic, Oromo and Mandrin

Hmong Whistle Zine

“ICE NOT WELCOME” signs are great for solidarity and breaking morale, but please make and help pass out signs stating a home or business is private property. Make sure your business has an area explicitly for employees only. What we’ve seen in the last week makes all this seem like sticking a post-it on a viper and none of us know where we’re headed now, but it’s easy to do and could make a difference. It’s made a difference here.

However, it's almost 100 years old, and there are other treatments out there that work better. We aren't using 100 year old medicines for cancer, or pneumonia, or even arthritis, so why is the court MANDATING 100 year old treatments for addiction? (Why aren't there enough spaces in modern treatment facilities also?)

First: THIS RECALL IS NOT STATE SPECIFIC. IT IS NATIONWIDE.

here are the specific products and dates:

FDA page on this:

1. The court holds Google responsible for statements made by its AI, considering them Google's statements (search engines have limited liability for results in their engine as they're the words of other sites/companies/people), meaning when their AI lies/hallucinates they're liable for the defamation/harm resulting from those statements.

2. Google's defense that customers are generally aware of the lack of reliability and are responsible for fact checking was dismissed. As the court pointed out, that would "significantly diminish" AI Search's stated purpose and it can't be distinguished from Google's business practices/statements as a search tool.

3. Studies have found about 91% of Google's everyday AI responses are accurate, leaving millions of searches per HOUR with potential liability for falsehoods. 56% of correct responses weren't supported by the sources the AI listed. Both of which mean Google is now liable for a LOT more AI "errors."

4. Google was held liable for 80% of court costs in this case and this precedent is expected to reverberate around the world. This is a massive shift from the 3rd-party search provider role Google has previously played and it comes right as they've tied ALL searches to their AI search.

For all the reasons above AND ALSO because this particular lawsuit is a defamation case

Privacy lawsuits are hard because most privacy laws are super super weak, and there's very rarely a lot of money or enforcement backing privacy laws for...twenty million reasons, really...

But defamation suits? Those have teeth.

(In large part because, at least in some countries and including in the US, defamation laws protect public figures the least - and "public figures" legally includes most if not all politicians, and a hell of a lot of other rich ppl too)

A German court has ruled that Google can be held directly liable for false claims made by its AI Overviews, a decision that could put a serious legal dent in the whole “the AI made me do it” defense. According to The Next Web, the Regional Court of Munich issued a temporary injunction after Google’s AI Overviews wrongly tied two Munich publishers to scams, subscription traps, and dubious business practices. The court treated those AI-generated summaries as Google’s own statements, not just ordinary search results pointing to third-party pages. That distinction matters. Search engines have traditionally had more protection because they index and link to other people’s content. AI Overviews changes the machinery. Google is not just showing the web anymore. It is summarizing it, rewriting it, and sometimes apparently hallucinating a tiny legal grenade into the results page.

Twice in my youth (once in high school and once in college) I was in situations where I was asking someone out and I could tell they were calculating in their heads the risks of rejecting me, and both times I said, out loud, "you can say no, I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't prepared for either answer." And then they said no. This wasn't some spark of special wisdom I had - I knew to do it because feminist conversations among my age group brought it up regularly. This isn't happening nearly enough anymore.

More recently, I was really glad when we got to "rejection sensitive dysphoria" in my IOP program and it was one of those symptoms where the therapists really emphasized how it affects others. Because it does.