on hiatus for june 2026

Starting my speech at the Omelas city council with a child acknowledgement statement

it’s crazy to me how ice water is a uniquely american phenomenon. it’s the greatest drink in the entire world. how have other countries not hopped on board? genuinely don’t understand how sparkling water is ubiquitous in a way that simple ice water isn’t. whenever i ask for ice water outside the u.s., they put 2 ice cubes in a glass, and i’m always too ashamed of being american to ask for more. but it’s our single healthy habit! luckily i am always prepared (half gallon insulated water bottle that i fill with ice myself and then fill with water and always carry around with me) but it really is baffling every time i travel.

yes im addicted to attention and orgasms and food and shiny jewlery and 7$ Iced Lattes. does that really not sound like an awesome lifestyle to you

Diane, clear my schedule. I’m attempting a recipe that says “prep time: 15 minutes.”

i need to come up with a way to say “i mean like, movies for grownups” that doesn’t make me feel like a villain

*peeks in the replies* *gets really nervous and locks my house up and leaves*

Have you thanked god for making you a coastal elitist today?

king of the hill is brave is hell for having the color palette of a tupperware that turned orange

so what im hearing is texas is just this way

FUCKKKKKKK what if something bad happened and I forgot to worry about it

My most socially disabling Too Woke thing is noticing how men won't get the fuck out of your way. Like it doesn't even occur to them that they can move out of your fucking way. I need to start letting them just walk directly into me and pushing their chairs so I can quite literally sit at the table etc. This isn't a metaphor I had that second one happen the other day

I will be at the function where everyone's sitting in a circle and there will be a man sitting directly in front of me for no fucking reason so I'm literally physically kind of pushed off to the side. And I'm expected to not start killing them about it