Whale

im a bar of soap and God is an instagram girl with acrylic nails and a box cutter

I will let u in on a lil secret. i cannot accept the fact that i exist

Dude what? She tied you to the kitchen chair? Broke your throne & cut your hair? From your lips she drew the..? Broooo

You think you’re going to be hip and teen forever and then suddenly you find yourself drinking red wine and playing board games and lusting after men with beards 

im too much of a baby for tinder i wanna meet people the old fashioned way where we’re both on either side of a fish tank and notice each other thru the water… 

and how exactly am i supposed to find love in a world where no one will say “you have bewitched me body and soul” to me as a pickup line unironically??? that’s what i thought

H

O

M

E

having a permanent full time job is you thinking to yourself “so this is really the rest of my life huh” as you come home every single day before using your 4 hours of recreational activity to do nothing and then going to bed

I love being in college because there are no actual adults around so everyone is just going around bullshitting their way through basic tasks. Like I can be like “I think I got better from my cold because I ate an orange yesterday” and everyone is like “Yeah makes sense” and somebody could just be like “I’m gonna put my pillow in the washing machine to clean it” and everyone’s like “Sounds like a great idea John”

I really hope this is true.

It is. I looked it up ^^