Ugh.

I am?? 💕 [two hearts emoji]

And yes, I do have Facts™ about them there 70s shag carpets! I actually talk about this atrocious shark here where I was asked about shark camouflage haha! And also here when I was asked about the weirdest looking sharks 😁 [grin emoji] But I can always go off about the 70s carpet for sure!

As an aside, though, I do have to point out that the photo in that screenshot is NOT a wobbegong. That is a GOOSEFISH.

Goosefish are a type of Anglerfish that are, honestly, absolutely terrifying. There is no way that thing should exist... or have those eyes. Its like a nightmare muppet doll thing... just... nope.

American Goosefish. Image source: my nightmares animal unique

Now that I've completely traumatised myself by searching images of this cursed thing, onto the actual shark portion of my reblog!!

About the Wobbegong

Okay so, technically, the Wobbegong isn't just one Wobbegong. It's actually the common name for twelve different species of Carpet Shark! Basically, it's the Band Name of a collection of What-The-Fuck error codes in the carpet shark family Orectolobida of the Carpet Shark order Orectolobiformes.

Note: I break down the animal kingdom and scientific classification here. You will also learned about Frilled Sharks that my mother happens to be really freaked out by!

Generally, this shag carpet squad are found in temperate and tropical waters in the Western Pacific and Eastern Indian Ocean. In shallow water, specifically. Mostly they're found around Indonesia and Australia, though there is a specific species of shag-carpet-with-teeth found around Japan (the Orectolobis Japonicus).

Yes, I'll find you a picture of the stand-alone boi now.

Side-note: it is surprisingly difficult to find a decent photo of these flat ABBA era rugs.

Japanese Wobbegong. Image source: sharksandrays

Apparently, the name for this twelve-strong floor act comes from the Australian Aboriginal for "shaggy beard" because of the Wobbegongs found in the Western Pacific having... those things around their mouths.

Edit: "Wobbegong" most likely comes from the dharug language in Australia (Sydney region) or Tharawal (South of Sydney) with a root terminology from the Yuin-Kuric linguistic family. Thanks to @other-peoples-coats for the info!

Since they're Carpet Sharks, Wobbegongs live on the bottom of the ocean floor. They don't exactly move the way most other sharks do, since they can remain stationary for ages. It's pretty awesome how they do this, I won't lie, but that's also your grandma's carpet breathing on the bottom of the ocean so they lose cool points for that.

They tend to be about 4 feet long. That's 1.25 metres for those of us who use the metric system. Although the Spotted Wobbegong (yes, I'll add a photo) and the Banded/Ornate Wobbegong (again, yes) both reach almost 10ft or 3 metres.

Spotted Wobbegong. Image source: Wikipedia

Banded/Ornate Wobbegong. Image source: Wikipedia

Now, I've already roasted this squad of discount carpets for how they look but, to be entirely fair to them, they are good at blending with the sea floor in the shallows. Their camo game is On Point™ I'll confess. They hide in amongst rocks and little crevices that they can suddenly strike from and eat whatever fish from Finding Nemo they have on their menu.

So not only do they Look Like That and blend in well because of it, but they also do ambush tactics like campers on Call of Duty online with sniper rifles. Oh, and they also have needle-like teeth in powerful jaws that they use to catch reef fish and other sharks.

In Australia (of course it is) there's been over 50 recorded attacks by Wobbegongs on humans that are "unprovoked" but, honestly, how would any of us like it if we looked like discount carpet and had random bipeds in our house treading over us because their vision is shitty and they're too big for us to eat them huh? I'd probably bite too.

Because their teeth are so thin and needle-like, they literally can hold on to what they bite. They're also flexi-rugs that can absolutely bite the hand grabbing their tail. Also, also they have been known to Not Let Go once they've latched on.

Sounds like a cat tbqh.

Of the Wobbegong dozen, the one that is at most at risk conservation wise is the Indonesian Wobbegong (classed as Near Threatened). These are also harmless to humans, grow barely past 120cm, and live at around a depth of 20 metres in the shallows around Indonesia and Sarawak. They may also be seen around Cebu City, Visayas, and the Penghu Islands, but that is 100% confirmed.

Indonesian Wobbegong. Image source: Wikipedia

So! There ya go!

Lots of info about Wobbegong sharks. The 70s granny carpets of the sea!

“Oh,” he said, “I think I will spend a few lifetimes on Tumblr, most likely.”

The warlord was astonished. “Your merit and virtue are renowned far and wide!” he responded. “Why on earth would you be condemned to Tumblr?”