Local Artist Runs on Ice-cream and Sweet Tea

hey quick question would you have gone with me to the end? to the very fires of mordor?

Gender is a performance and it’s time to play the music it’s time to light the lights it’s time to meet the muppets on the muppets show tonight

if you’ve never played a pokémon game you’re missing out on the insane things npcs will say to you unprompted. like you’ll be walking down a path and a total stranger will see you and immediately run up to you and trap you in place and say something like ‘the divorce is getting rough but me and my pokémon are getting tough!’ and then start a battle and after you beat their single rat they’ll be like ‘i wasn’t worthy of her…’ or something

it does and I hate it, thank you

we finally all know what the prophets meant by “the years start coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming”

adulthood is just a constant struggle of, “man, i want cookies for breakfast, but I also recognize this is a bad nutritional decision.  On the other hand, the only one who can stop me is me.  i know that fucker’s weaknesses.  i could totally take me in a fight.”

online posting is like military combat and im the brave general and you are all the footsoldiers fighting in the tranches

Tranch

Tranch

im sending you both on a mission into enemy territory and i dont expect either of you to return

Oh I’m so sleepy… won’t you use !tuck to tuck me into bed?

!cursedoak

did anyone else have terrible dreams about a gnarled, twisted forest with one tree more terrible and hateful than all the rest

the only roman emperor i respect is honorius because, during his reign, rome was sacked, and when someone brought him the news that rome had perished he freaked out bc he thought they were talking about his pet bird named "rome," and when they explained that they were talking about the city he was like "oh thank god. who gives a shit"

shouldve called his ass hilarious

"At that time they say that the Emperor Honorius in Ravenna received the message from one of the eunuchs, evidently a keeper of the poultry, that Rome had perished. And he cried out and said, 'And yet it has just eaten from my hands!' For he had a very large cock, Rome by name; and the eunuch comprehending his words said that it was the city of Rome which had perished at the hands of Alaric, and the emperor with a sigh of relief answered quickly: 'But I thought that my fowl Rome had perished.' So great, they say, was the folly with which this emperor was possessed." —Procopius, The Vandalic War (III.2.25–26)

He had a what?!?!

i’m online and ready to look at a picture!

shit that’s a good one

Everyone has goth sex hormones it came free with your fucking existence.