will bark for attention

video game with a flaccid -> boner meter in the ui but the whole game it never changes at all and nothing makes the boner meter go up so youre jusg aware of the protags flaccid penis the whole time for no good reason

to be clear in my thinking this would only work in a completely nonsexual game, of course it Could have a function in some sort of porn game depending on the sorta porn youre going for but thats not really my idea here. this concept only works to me if its completely useless and unrelated & the protag isnt even sexualized even a little bit, otherwise i think it loses its charm. you just have to know about their penis and you have to wonder why the entire game and you have to try and figure that out until you realize theres no reason and youre just aware of their penis because the dev is probably fucked in the head or something like that. and then by that point youve reached the highest level of connection possible with a game developer aside from maybe ambushing them from behind and drinking all their blood until they die. and thats how we fix the gaming industry

his wife has filled THEIR house with ANTIQUES. to AVOID DAMAGING HER VALUABLES i fuck him on the floor

#feminist retelling

you pet me

There should be the opposite of harassment campaigns where people go "this person seems kind of sad, we should send them a bunch of nice messages and money and fun pictures of animals anonymously until they feel better"

i play a game with my friends called "talk nice behind their back" where if everyone who is present knows a particular person who is not present, i'll say "it's time for talk nice behind their back!" and then make everyone say nice stuff about the absent friend. i think if "talk nice behind their back" became a thing then more people would organize "uplifting campaigns"

your email found me at the grocery store irl. that's crazy that you gave it little legs and everything. it walked right up to me. everyone was so scared one person screamed when i picked it up. i said it's okay you just do this kind of thing sometimes. while i was reading, its little legs were just sort of dangling in the air. someone asked me if it's alive and if holding it like that made it uncomfortable. i told them idk i just get the emails i don't send them.

This is not an exaggeration.  Your download speed would slow down to the point where Windows would make this kind of absurd estimate, and you’d sigh and leave the room for a while (because you couldn’t use the computer while it was doing this for fear it would crash and lose all your progress) and then you’d come back in 40 minutes and maybe it would now say 52 years or maybe it would say 3 minutes, who knew, not Windows.

Who wants to see my cat totally brave and not at all scared at the vet

People know that the whole "don't portray [harmful action] because viewers might recreate it" thing is a rule for children's shows right? It's supposed to be shit like "don't show peppa pig playing with fire so we don't get sued if a kid watches it and burns their house down." Not like, fanfiction for adults.